2012-03-15 - 8:37 p.m.
I am at a friend's home now and can access this site.
I like to write at the end of the day to wind down however from my computer at home I can not access this page. I can however access old entries. That of course makes me think of one thing:
Maybe not, but it is naturally my first thought.
And truth is that I am so acclimated to either the reality of being hacked or the reality of messed up pages of things that are important ONLY WHEN IMPORTANT that I am used to THINKING I am being hacked- that I don't even care anymore.
It doesn't rattle me, or concern me or bother me.
I just find the work around every time.
In this instance that meant good old fashioned long hand journaling instead.
I realize why I LOVE this forum:
My writing is SLOPPY
A paper journal is less private to those who are NOT STRANGERS and who are IN MY WORLD (like my kids!)
I mean sometimes I might want to write with abandon and candor and honesty of my lover. I think that is the perfect example of what journals are meant for! Processing the personal in a safe place where it is private.
Ironically, there is less privacy in a paper journal than here.
Anyway, I don't usually write of lovers or much of friends and NEVER EVER EVER EVER will write about WORK in the particular with detail, but rather I use this forum to RANT and vent and dump out anything on my mind to let it all go... and then get up feeling that cathartic purge and release and not worrying a bit about what I just spewed and vented about.
So I am spewing about that frustration at not being able to spew of late! Feels good to be able to sit and write and know this site DOES WORK!!
I am so thirlled at this weather and excited that I have bulbs that have burst forth and can't wait for the many flowers to bloom! I can't ever recall having so many tulips come up without worry of deer eating them. There are hyacinth also bursting forth that should be blooming in a week or so. I planted a hydranga last Fall that I can't wait to see in bloom this year. My yard should look very pretty.
The inside of the house is shaping up as well. I am pleased to have a tenant in my basement which will be a HUGE help with bills. A tax return and this months rent should enable me to settle in full with my lawyer from the divorce who I have still been paying off. I am thrilled as I negotiated a kickin settlement at a really nice discount and was so grateful for that, but then I was denied for a loan I hoped would cover it. I made a mistake of taking out a loan to pay off the law guardian and only taking out EXACTLY what I needed for her, while I was still in negotiation over the settlement amount with my lawyer. I assumed I could apply for another in the amount I needed for that firm and that was a big mistake. It is typical of my biggest financial errors-- impusivity! I admit it- I am an impuslive bill payer.
Its a terrible problem. I impulsively pay bills wanting to get rid of them and then realize it has not occurred to me to slow down and budget and be sure I didn't forget something else. Of course I always DO forget something else!
The past few months it was the donation to the RED CROSS which I had forgotten! That darn monthly autowithdraw which I haven't yet gotten in the habit of REMEMBERING! So silly... it was an employee match so I set it up but FORGOT to ledger and then plan for it.
So each month I get the surprise and each month think "I NEED TO WRITE THIS DOWN" and each month I forget.
Hey at least I have the auto draft WATER and PHONE BILLS on my radar...
I had forgotten them in the past.
This "convienience" of bill pay is really a nightmare for the ADHD person who is challenged in keeping good financial books.
I just never know what is going to show up next as a withdrawal and forget even the routine things.
When I moved in it hadn't occurred to me I didn't get a water bill until the selling bank tracked me down with 6 mos of water bills as they forgot to turn off the water in their name, and I frankly forgot to turn it on in my name!
That was some surprise!
Good news is that its almost two years in my house and I think I am getting the swing of the bills, and I hope with the tenant that in another year I can actually have a buffer and get ahead.
Of course have to pay lawyers first....
There is however a light at the end of that tunnel!
Weekend with girls coming up. No big plans thank goodness as we have to get bedrooms and the house in order. After moving everything from the basement to upstairs for my new tenant we still have some re-organization to do.
The best news of late is that the day after my tenant moved in I was able to take the girls skiing! It was a blast! Alexy was quite the good skiier. Raitlin and Sadie went snowboarding and had a really nice time. I thought it cute I found a picture they made in their bedroom last week that said "Snowboarding Buddies" I was happy to have the opportunity to spend all day with Katie as she and I went off skiing together. Our friend McGyver was the ski partner for Alexy and they both took a beginner class. The snowboard buddies were off in their class and then snowboarding together, and Katie and I got to hit the slopes and ski together.
Katie was so funny refusing a class and insisting she knew how to ski already. ( SHe went once last year!) She was so stubborn that despite her having a free lesson I asked the instructor if we could swap it and offer it to Alexy since, as I told the teacher "She already knows everything about skiing and therefore just now it appears no one could teach her anything"
The instructor laughed and agreed attitude is EVERYTHING when it comes to ability to learn, so was happy to swap out the students. It turned out that Alexy was in fact VERY GOOD and had a blast! Since McGyver never had been skiing before it was truly fun for him to pal around with her and they had such a great time.
So Katie and I hit the slopes. After about a minute I apprechiated the wisdom of her stubborn unyielding nature and realized very quickly that YES , it would have been a total waste of two hours for her to sit in a beginning ski lesson when she could be hitting the slopes.
She, like me, is just a good skier. She , like me, just LOVED being able to go take off and ski and would have been impatient going over the fundamentals that she, like me, really DID have down after only one time skiiing.
So it made me chuckle as we were on the first run and she said "RACE YOU!"
and then took off.
It was a great day and a lovely rare chance for me to bond with Katie.