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2013-09-28 - 5:10 a.m.

I am up early to map out my bike routes today as I have volunteer work in Sterling to get to and from. I am really looking forward to a long ride solo today as it is very centering and quite meditative once getting over the hump of the initial hard part and then hitting "FLOW".

I love hitting that flow part. I forget what they call it for athletes- oh yes there is "runners high", but that is a phenomena of endorphins kicking in typically well after being in the flow state for a while.

I went to see a show last night at a theater company run by my favorite director and although I am not that close to that acquintence, (thought would love to be!), one of my hands down favorite people on this earth! (From afar at least. Maybe that is why? I see the giftedness and talent and incredible work of his life's avcocation he pursues with such focus and dedication and PURPOSE and it moves me.

It in fact almost always makes me question my use of my time, and the yearning I have to create which has to be balanced with needs of being a provider to children and myself.

The necessary balance creates this dance of life which brings things forth I never imagined.

I try hard to be fully present in each of those moments, opportunities and seasons of life that come to me.

Now as not working for "the MAN" anymore ... ( My favorite Aunt , who is a wonderful liberal nun reminds me of this fact I worked for the evil corporate fortune 100 .... as did my son's work in Langston Hughes Harvest and countless other moments), I have an opportunity to CHOOSE my destiny of where I invest time now which I feel I haven't had in years. I am STILL in legal debt from my divorce, so I still have payments each month to make on that- but those total only about 800 a month now which is much less than in the past and there is light at the end of the tunnel with an end actually in sight of that so that my standard of living will be increased when I don't have to work to pay off lawyers that provided a fine service to my Ex that I pay for...

So it is time to assess what I WANT to do and MAKE it work so that my basic obligations of mortgage, household needs for self and kids and the legal obligations are paid each month and I am doing meaningful work that I am HAPPY To do every day.

I don't want to get locked into what I see as the never-ending treadmill of doing a job out of a NEED for it, but never stopping even when its NEED has passed.

SO I just presume the fact my corporate job came to an end signals it is a wonderful time for opportunity for me to find the place for me to be where I actualize my vision.

Its been a clear vision for me all along.

I want to be sure I don't get too distracted by detours along the way.

However then I have these moments of what seem like I am being LED to do something else. Those moments of intuitive connection and clear direction I can't ignore and I realize sometimes we can have a design and plan but are truly meant to do something completely different on those detours of life.

In any case its an exciting time to be at a juncture of change of direction.

I just so love open possibilities and riding along on the road getting to choose which turn to take next.

So now, to google maps so I know what time I REALLY have to awake and start today's ride.

That is key- follow the impulse, hope on that ride to chase your dream- but don't forget to pay attention to the maps that are available along the way while at the same time being open to the detours of opportunity that arise. If one ONLY follows a map they may miss some of the best possibilities (like that turn off route and off plan for breakfast at a WAFFLE HOUSE where I ran into my cousin.)

It is ONLY by following seemingly impulsive intuition that leads me to those truly special moments I could NOT have envisioned that are then clearly where I KNOW I was MEANT TO BE, so I have learned to follow intuition first and foremost.

Even when it seems crazy to others.

I know some think I am crazy with my latest brainstorm. More to follow, but in brief I had two places to be this weekend which were commitments, and a place I wanted to be at last night. I made it there and refrain from even writing about that which would be a WAY LONG entry and I think not for now, or perhaps not for here but a paper journal.

I made it where I was meant to be, and in the midst of the weekend , somehow I am going to write a business plan and develop a sales pitch and come up with market research and the financial specs to have a complete package available in just days to present.

I have no doubt I will do it. I had the notion of this venture just about two weeks ago. In the past two weeks I took two classes which were a great refresher in how to start a business and how to get financing.

Thing is, its a detour. I KNOW it is, but for some reason feel this is as clear of a vision of what I NEED to do so that I can use this as a stepping stone toward what I WANT to do.

SO I have to remain open and not block this inspiration, even though it seems crazy.

And along the whole process of even this detour, the main thing is I will actualize the #1 desire-- to help others and be of service meeting needs which perhaps no one else is meeting at this time when they need that help.

Motivation enough.
I have a lot of work to do, but first the bike ride and volunteer work. They will be rejuvenating so I can then focus.

I KNOW I can do this. If I could review two to three proposals a week for THE MAN, I should be able to write ONE for ME and others in my community.

Its not a stretch at all. What I did day in and day out was edit sales personnels' Executive Summarys and proposals seeking legal issues, but also making other general comments as seen which were apprechiated. I was on many interdisciplinary Red Teams for proposals assessing legal risk and reviewing for legal issues. Along the way I learned a thing or two about sales and finance and the whole business proposal process. Writing my own proposal will be a breeze.

It's the problem of how to get market research and financials solid enough in one week to actually be an ACCURATE indicator of whether this idea is even worth pursuing in THIS Market which is the hurdle I have to address quickly. Those are NOT things I have experience directly with, so I need to find guides and follow direction of maps I come across along this path.

Somehow I know I will find what I need, the people, the resources the TEAM.

Now I am just open to receive them and excited about the new possibility and ready to start out on the ride!

After the volunteer work and bike ride I will head home and to the library to do research and find all the maps and guides and people I can consult to give direction to help guide the idea I hope to bring to fruition.

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