2013-12-11 - 11:30 a.m.

WOW I can access this site on my computer. Had I known that I wouldn't have lost the writing I did this early AM.

I REALLY have to get in the study groove for the day. I am dedicated to AT LEAST six hours of study at minimum which is required to pass the BAR EXAM.

I have the distraction of having to deal with a few things such as an order arriving from KOHLS.COM sans the HARRY POTTER SWEATSHIRT that was itemized in the package. The mustache Ts were there ( WHY are mustaches the fashion thing with pre-teen girls now? It's the Mario style mustache that is now hip on acessorys. I found a cute T Shirt that says "Pardon my French" with a mustache which I think was perfect for Katie -if that is her correct pen name here. I struggle with recall of which psudoname I gave which kid. It's bad enough calling them the wrong name half the time in REAL life, but trying to keep straight their pdudonames here is also a challenge.)

So I called Kohl's to find it is out of stock and a refund was issued. BUMMER as that was for the oldest of the girl clan...what is here name? OH I think Sadie. It's been a while since blogged so I need a refresher. Sadie, Katie, Alexy and Raitlin- YES I THINK that is it.

Bike arrived for Alexy so she won't have to keep stealing Raitlin's. I thought about assembling it for about a minute then decided that would be a great puzzle for Alexy herself on Christmas morn as she just LOVES projects like that anyway. So I will instead just wrap the big box from Santa. She can speculate that the elves just made a mistake. She is hilarious actually at here enthusiasm for fix it projects (or any projects for that matter). She has pulled out the tool box to start fixing things. It is sometimes helpful, and other times well intended such as the time I GOT where she was going with her thought of chisling some of the drawer that wouldn't close properly- but her assessment was off and it was NOT the top of the drawer causing the obstruction. The carved top of that drawer is now part of what my Dad calls the "haciatas" of a thing- the imperfections which make it a thing in itself , which is unique and special and should be embraced .

I foget the French philosopher who had that theory but it is lovely.

If we could all learn to love the thing or persons in itself or him or herself despite imperfection and learned to embrace and apprechiate those unique characteristics we would all be infinately happier.

The drawer does make me smile and laugh now when I open it and happen to catch the rough edge where it was "improved".

I can't figure out the correct spelling

haceatas
ha sha etas

never having studied French, and little of the French philosophers. I think it was one that started with an "M"

That leaves my search kinda futile on google, so I have to ask my Dad of that again, and ask my daughter who is currently studying French in college how to spell and pronounce the exact word.

I came back on line as after being on the dreaded NOOK did some reading and came across a T SHIRT from an Artist that I just SO WANTED to get for Katerina. ( I think that is HER psudoname). I can't find it now! It was on my NOok that then froze.

It was so very awesome!
Wanted to send it off to her at her college.

Ce la vie. I shouldn't spend the money on it anyway). At least I did confirm that her birthday gift is en route. I found the most awesome red go go boots that I can just envision her wearing as she performs with her band!

I am just SO HAPPY she is in a band and her band mate and she have an apartment, and a gig lined up in Brooklyn for their winter term. Intership forthcoming. She has a paid offer from the arts org she worked at last winter term (and an offer for WHENEVER as she is ALWAYS welcome there!) She however would like to have the benefit of a different experience this winter term. The American Academy of Poets and Simon and Schuster were on her list of places applied to and considered. I hope for her sake one of those or something equally fun and interesting for a young poet in NYC come through.

Her first semester was full of things like Physics and computer science and higher math- things that she enjoys which are very practical. I am very relieved to see she is now focusing on the arts. I mean one can ALWAYS go for practical, but when else but in these young undergrad years is she going to be surrounded by such vibrant enthusiasm and creativity of YOUTH? I mean when else is one in that unique place of coming of age with the energy and excitement of self and other discovery which fuels so much of the finest and most enjoyable ART?

I mean we can read poems about being parents, and child rearing, and menopause, and becoming unemployed- but its those poems and stories of self discovery and falling and love and the sensual and PHYSICAL and almost tangible expression of our human experiences that are so very moving. Its the emotional depth of Joyce and yes, while there is of course the wonderful art of tradgedy of not wanting to grow old, and yes even some beauty of celebration of old age, some of the most enjoyable art still is dominatntly infused with the vibrancy of youth those of us past that prime so enjoy to re-live at times in the observation .

Perhaps I will apprechiate Sweet Bird of Youth more in leter years , or Ibsen or those tragic tales
yet for now I still prefer the actual coming of age stories and manifestations than the depiction of those not wanting to let go of youth.

I can appreachite creative art that expresses joy in all those other moments of life-
but we only have our youth once.

I can't see wasting it by being focused on concerns that are of necessity of adulthood any too soon.

"Of Necessity" is one of my all time favorite poems. It celebrates the beauty tormented Hayden Carruth found in the simplicity of his quite existance settled at home in his later years. I love it as I relate to that.

Those years are to be enjoyed, but one can go back to learn anything, study anything at any time in life- EXCEPT one can not ever be young again.

I am therefore SO PLEASED to see my two oldest just embracing their young years with belief in all possibilitys and following their hearts and talents to the fullest with abandon. I LOVE they have the clarity of doing what they enjoy and not the distraction of the world of adulthood or anyone who ruins their joy and their dreams.

I just so hope my youngest also get such opportunity.

I mean I envision it a very real possibility that when I open my issue of POETRY magazine, or link to NPRs NEws Poets that in just a few short years it will not by my daughter's teachers and mentors I see the work of before me, but I envision my daughter's words leaping at me off the page.

I know that soon enough I will be travling to NYC to see my son (Soren as called here) on the off broadway or broadway stage, and one day will see him on a screen.

Those are the dreams they have which I know could never become reality if other's had stifled them.

If for some reason they fall short, there are ALWAYS shortages of engineers and scientists here in the US. We still rely on H1Bs to recruit talent. I have no fear that if Katerina decided that she wanted to design bridges, or take job in a cubicle and sit under artificial lights for 40 plus hours a week to earn money for a home and nice car to drive to and from the burbs in traffic for an hour each day that she could.

But I so hope for more for her and for each of my kids.

I hope for them to be HAPPY doing what they love.

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