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2014-01-04 - 10:53 a.m.

A bit of unsolicited advice:

If you have a friend who happens to travel alot and just happens to reach out to you to get together while in town, and just HAPPENS to have had a lover die who was a beautiful model that contracted aids somehow... from her philandering then ex-husband I have been told and have no reason to believe otherwise and just HOPE that was the truth as the other way (other than sex)of contracting aids is the one that I find absolutely terrifying and as a mother of a junkie told me "is truly like being possessed by a demeantor"

just DON'T say
"Sure, would you like to come over and watch a movie with me? I picked up GIA which I heard is great and was the role that made Angelina Joli get noticed for a powerful performance."


DON'T WATCH GIA if you will be inclined to be depressed by a beauiful model's self destruction.

As it was a Blockbuster clearance movie for $1.99 as they are closing , it was Pre-viewed and had no description on its simple case so I was just blindsided by what I then saw.

The saving grace is this:

A DIFFERENT friend who had a junkie daughter has watched her daughter successfully kick her demon from her life. YAH!!! SHE IS DOING SO WELL, HEALTHY AND BEAUTIFUL and amazingly has a georgous family now. She is the beacon of hope for others that they CAN OVERCOME SUCH EVIL.

I mean I think it is truly evidence that there is evil in this universe when you see the reality of such addiction.

Makes me take pause. Absolute beauty of nature can make one feel the presence and power of God. Similarly I think there is nothing like the ensnarement a junkie is entrapped in to also make one think perhaps there IS A DEVIL and that is was God's grace which saved her.

Truly It is a miracle to watch her now.

But that movie really hit me. The other saving grace is that THANK GOD MY FRIEND FELL ASLEEP half way through! Seriously! My friend caught the first part of the movie and was snoring before the terrible end. When roused said, "I fell asleep, what happened?" I responded

"OH, just go back to sleep. You are just missing the part where she dies of aids."

My friend rolled over and curled back into the couch facing it and said " I already watched a beautiful skinny girl die of that, I don't need to see it again."

When awoke my friend commented "Wow you can pick a movie. I am going home now"

I replied
"You know I love you."

Which I do and we have a close friendship so it was really fine as I have been friends for a dozen years and this happened years ago. So it wasn't uncomfortable between us, but just in fact DEPRESSING.

The attorney asked me this morning if something was on my mind as he said I seemed a bit down. I told him of the movie and hadn't realized that it really did have such an impact until he asked. Not just the movie story line of course, but my good friend's tragic experience and the thought of anyone I ever have known having had to deal with such struggle and painful moments of life. The thing is, I don't really watch THAT many movies! I rarely ever go to them and only occassionaly watch one at home that I have picked up. So it was that weird crazy fact that made me feel like, as my tenant said "Things happen for a reason" REALLY? Well maybe... but I feel just a bit shell shocked frankly. Yet this friend as I always seem to inadvertadly peel back the layers and somehow hit to the core of life's wounds whether we like it or not when together which I hope in some weird way is a catalyst for healing.

That movie and Lady Sings the Blues are two that while absolutely fantastic films I don't think I ever want to watch again. I just can't handle depiction of junkies as nothing in this world terrifies me more than that, and saddens me more than the thought of anyone stuggling with the stronghold of such addiction.

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