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2014-01-31 - 3:11 p.m.

I am enjoying a productive day of study at a Weigmans which is the best store in the world. That is I WAS enjoying a really productive day UNTIL the OK Cupid first date of the two middle aged folks who sat next to me.

I did make it through one practice essay question for the FIRST part of their date , as it was only after that question that I lost focus and their conversation caught my attention.

The lady was just trying too hard. I noticed the tenor of the conversation and became curious as to the relationship of the speakers - were these co-workers, a job interview ? I soon realized it was a date as she was going through her life story.

It's a remarkable thing the way women will talk ON AND ON and On.... and men will quietly ask questions to get more and more information.

Soon I knew far too much about the widow, her seven year old son, and her financial stability and 3500 foot home, pride in her electrical engineering degree, work as a "consultant" (which I really think as that was the only AMORPHOUS part of her conversation in which she said "it's been boring work for the last six months, so I am hoping to have something more interesting come down the pipline" That REALLY MEANT She was UNEMPLOYED as I didn't get being humble being a characteristic of her conversation of self but rather insecurity and trying a bit too hard). Now the thing is she is VERY ATTRACTIVE, fit, and I really doubt her talk of having been a competitive bike rider at one point or the comment "I don't do much now as really have no time for it, so just go about an hour and a half four times a week" was a exaggeration.

FOUR TIMES A WEEK !! WHAT ??? NOT MUCH??? OK maybe she REALLY IS AN OVERACHIEVER ENGINEER... that starts to fit the personality.

I mean come on, four times a week of an hour and a half of ANY Exercise is rather committed and substantial in my book. I mean I am proud if I get out twice a week for a half hour or more a pop. (Ok oerhaps I minimize just a when I walk after taking the bus anywhere truth be told I tend to get LOST and wander around getting my exercise for at least a half hour before I realize I headed in the wrong direction and head back... so yeah if I times it my "walks" which are functional likely do log close to that time ... but I mean NOT INTENTIONALLY . I tend to prefer to NOT log the hours I REALLY Walked!

I did take the wrong route to the Imaging place that is ostensibly RIGHT ACROSS from the hospital ( where my OB/GYN has his office as he gave me a prescription for the annual mammogram (or bi-annual in my case as I kinda put off those appts until I think of them again), and in REALLY Cold weather ended up taking a hike of the Lovely Lansdsowne area. At the 4000 block of a road I realized the 1200 address I was looking for was in the OTHER direction than the one I walked.

You see I couldn't just take the ROAD, no I had to be smart as it was SO COLD out and take a "shortcut". So I saw the office of my target, and made a beeline across the main road, through the trees straight for it to find it was not the office building I THOUGHT it was. Telling you those Landsdowne VA offices that LOOK so close together when one is driving are REALLY FAR APART when walking in the woods between them to get to one or another. I discovered a road I didn't know existed, looked in my bag to pull out the address , and then unfolded the paper the Doc handed me, to find a map was conveniently on the BACK of the prescription to the Imaging place I was heading to. Too bad I didn't think to look at that paper thoroughly BEFORE setting out for my hike.

I got there to find out they did not have room for a walk in. So I re-scheduled for the next day. Pocohantas kindly gave me a ride as she came by for help in booking her Feb escape to somewhere warm which is her annual prescription to not go crazy.

That is in fact her health insurance. She has opted NOT to purchase "traditional" health insurance and instead take a trip each winter to a tropical island. I think the charm of that might be lost if we ALL DID THAT (as the islands tend to be small) but I would be willing to bet if MOST DEPRESSED folks headed to a tropical island and laid on a beach for a week or two they just might feel ALOT BETTER.

I was a late bloomer... but I finally get the allure of traditional Spring Break but think it should be shifted to the beach as winter break tradition (EXCEPT WHEN I Go to an island as I want it sparsely populated then).

So before I now go back to study at the Weigmans which is near where the attorney lives (as he saved me yet again from the bus ride home. I just didn't feel like wasting time navigating the bus and instead made the most of the opportunity to be in a quiet waiting room with no distractions which really does help my focus when studying - and I got picked up from there at about 7:30 pm by sweet attorney who then took me out to a fantastic dinner after I had studied VA WILLS and ESTATE Law much of the day.

After this spew of a ramble I will get back to the practice VA BAR questions which today I am pleased I have been doing Ok with. That is, until the OK CUPID date.

I just had to get up and get coffee and move somewhere else after she uttered
" I have great intellectual curiosity and am interested in learning about many things, I have always been that way."

Many things that is, except you buddy- as she hasn't asked you ONE question about yourself but instead has talked NON STOP so you are very clear on the fact she is insecure, somewhat anxious to be found attractive and well liked, and is financially stable with a really nice large home ....

Yeah but you buddy don't care. You either just want to get laid OR are looking for a Sugar Mama.

This just might work out well for you....

The converstion was PAINFUL to listen to. I swear if I am unemployed for long and end up in coffee shops for too long hearing terrible first dates of women in their 40s who are dating for the first time I just might be compelled to start teaching seminars on "HOW TO DATE AFTER AGE 40"

Many women seem to need help...

I an just envision where this one is going... she is going to fall for him, sleep with him WAY TOO SOON and then be crying over how she doesn't understand what happened in a MONTH OR HE WILL MARRY HER IN SIX MONTHS and take off with her assets 6 mos later and leave her in shock not knowing what hit her.

OK HOPE NOT, maybe I am just a bit jaded after too many BIBLE STUDY Sessions in which nave "Christian" women were crying over their coffee ....

But thought me and Pocohontas "jezebels" when we had more than one man on a first date in weeks. DICRETION and choice of who is WORTHY of a second or third date is a WISE THING and that wisdom is not developed if you don't meet a lot of frogs out there to know when to recognize a prince when you see one. But the WORST of it was of course that the princes that came along were not good enough... then these women COMPLAINED they couldn't find a good man but overlooked the actual decent available ones. ( Like the cook/ owner of a wonderful Middleburg Restaurant that I couldn't' get one of them to be set up with! HE was too old for me, but THEIR ages and not one of them would trust as he didn't go to their church!

Done with the vent...

I however should make fun as these ladies trust TOO QUICKLY and NAIVELY and its so terrible to see... but then again I may be no better in the "taking it slow" for years... HA HA...

Interestingly for the first time in a LONG time I am experiencing monogamy by choice. I guess at this point it really is not de facto since I turn down enough other offers.

I mean I have had the LOVER for years, but for a variety of reasons we BOTH agree we never want to have a long term commitment. Main one being he has raised his kids and I have mine being raised. He is done with that phase of life. We have SUCH A GREAT relationship but it is better to just be friends so that we are both open to deveioping other realtionships. We actually have been GREAT at maintain that relationship of Friends and occasional Lovers for over years off and on when neither of us were in other relationships we wanted to be committed. (OK to be more honest WHEN HE was not in another relationship to consider commitment. He did have a couple in which he WAS working on that goal and during those times I was never with him, but those came and went and we have occasionally enjoyed each others company). Its such a great friendship however that it is just so easy to be friends and the physical can come or go as we choose so comfortably. We kinda both knew never to be overly involved as he is a total unrealistic romantic who would jump in two feet first if allowed. I got that and tempered. Said NO more than YES to him... Its funny though how for years we kinda had this thing of spending time on the New Year or close to it...and I have to admit it was WEIRD TO NOT KNOW I WAS GOING TO SEE HIM FOR THE NEW YEAR THIS YEAR. It was not that I COULDNT HAVE if I wanted to- but I really didn't want to.

It was really the first New Year in ages that I actually FELT like I am in a relationship with a man that is DIFFERENT than the casual dating thing.

Funny as for me that transition emotionally came in the most surprising of ways- and I am SURE NOT THE MOST HEALTHY.

I mean it came about when I GOT JEALOUS YES ME JEALOUS of the attorney's realationship with other women.

Funny, as for years it has been FINE for me to date whomever I want! Fine for me to go off to Bermuda with McGill, and travel with others and the attorney is so WONDERFUL and NON POSSESSIVE and self assured and secure that he even drops me off or picks me up at the airport without issue when I flit off on travels with anyone else. Now it is EASY to travel with a FRIEND. But for me to travel with a LOVER takes it a different step of seriousness so I wasn't really looking for that with him OR ANYONE.

We haven't traveled but then in Sept we did enjoy a weekend camping. It was a local trip and it was just fantastic! I was thrilled to find a GREAT PARK to take the kids camping to in the summer months.

But I would LOVB to travel with the attorney in the future In fact I enjoy doing most anything with him as he really is FUN and SMART and FUNNY and gets along well with others playing nicely in the sandbox etc... importantly after four years of dating I am Actually STILL ATTRACTED To him. Its really quite fabulous to have that great chemistry and I think it DOES go far in a relationship.

Funny over time the interest in others has waned. I enjoyed the fling with the CHEF KATO a few years back knowing it was a fling. He stayed over about six months ago when he was driving back from a trip to NJ where he was picking up a new BMW he found for his brother on line. We just had NO INTEREST romantically in each other. It was SO NICE to spend an evening with him as a friend and have him stop over and stay for the night en route.. and so nice to hear about his new lady as he was newly in love! Attraction just GONE (thankfully as he was just not a wise choice of anything other than a fun fling! HE was FUN but boy what a piece of work! )

The cute mailman actually has been e-mailing on occasion as I gave him my card one day. It was kinda cute as a few weeks later he rang the bell and sheepishly asked if he could have it again and e-mail me sometime as he lost it. So he now HAS a REAL NAME other than "Cute Mailman" (although that will be how I continue to refer to him!) He is reeling from a break up about a year ago and not interested in dating yet but happy to develop friendships so I figure nice to be friends and perhaps if Pocahontas has one of her gatherings we can invite him to join us and meet some folks socially. She does throw GREAT parties and has some wonderful friends (and MANY FRIENDS) and is really the expert social connector for people. Since the mailman and I chatted due to her intervention I do appreciate her outgoing nature!

He seems like a very nice guy but definitely in a phase of trying to find what his value in life is now after the loss of his wife. He was left with a big empty house he can't wait to get rid of. I can just imagine his loneliness and sadness there. God I think after divorce unless one has kids the healthiest thing to do to move on with life is MOVE.

I think divorce necessitates a grieving process and while it is likely HEALTHY go thought that after one dies in the shared space- which is at that point in honor and I think somewhat SACRED, that after a divorce that space can be somewhat scarring in a way to have to re-live what become painful memories.

Although I imagine death of a family member one had a strained relationship with would be similar to a divorce.

Maybe that running away is NOT GOOD, but somehow I think sometimes it IS BEST to just run away and move on without looking back.

BACk to study. I am again thinking of the lady who's husband died who was talking of her house. It was really HER HOME with him which I think is why she is so attached to that place and can't help but mention it even on a first date with an OK CUPID stranger who really just wants to get laid. Her loneliness and pain at the loss of her husband was so apparent to me and painful to watch as I felt like she was so very vulnerable and hope she is not taken advantage of.

But then again, MAYBE just MAYBE everything she was saying is a lie.....


I honestly have NEVER DONE THAT... but somehow the thought of it being a possibility now gives me hope!

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