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2014-08-29 - 2:39 p.m.

Ok, I didn't mean to LIE when I stated I will fill my meds so for next interview so my exuberant , high energy personality is tempered just a bit...

but I didn't expect the next interview to be SO SOON.
I can't make it to my Dr. YET.

A few more weeks...

So I have another interview to go to and will navigate this one without that assistance of Wellbutrin to help me.

The good news is I have an interview.

That is actually GREAT NEWS as I MISSED the first scheduled interview just yesterday as I failed to check the public transportation schedule THOROUGHLY.

You see, when I get an interview, I immediately get a bit jazzed and all of a sudden go into MANIC JOB HUNT MODE and stay up far too late!

I joke about that, but it is not THAT FAR from truth. I just couldn't sleep!

So I become productive.

Because I get really EXCITED, I suddenly have energy to do the things I was slow at completing (cause of that procrastination combined with the excessive sleepiness thing), such as reorganizing the pile of CDs I took out of the borrowed piece of furniture that Pocahontas let me know she needs to retrieve. (My house has been furnished with some of her lovely things for years! It helped ME and HER as she didn't have to pay for storage of her stuff when she was jet setting off to India , and Alaska etc... She has that wandering gene rather strongly).

So in her gypsy lifestyle of living in a room with a family while working, then traveling, then occasionally renting her own place for about a year at a time until she satisfies the need for independence but then realizes that since she ALWAYS has another place to stay (via employer at the time) that it really is kind of a waste to pay rent when she can SAVE IT for her long term goal of buying a home someday-

I get her stuff for a time, then she retrieves it as needed/wanted.

So I FINALLY now have the energy to tackle the project of figuring out what to do with my CDs etc... (One nice CD tower from target on sale for $15 was a good buy, but not sufficient!), which is one project I have been working on.

When nightfall came, and it was the NIGHT BEFORE my interview for a job at a law firm, for which I needed to treck into D.C., I read that they want FOUR PRIOR SUPERVISORS as references.

My reference group that I have been using for contract management jobs is a nice group compiled of one from EACH stakeholder role that I worked with, a finance person, sales director supported, legal collaborator I worked many a project on as a peer, client reference.... I mean a nice sample of ALL THE ROLES supported in my work. But as far as SUPERVISOR- one was actually a legal director of the group I worked in. NOT technically my DIRECT supervisor as she in fact FIRED ME. NO, but I figure HER BOSS is a decent reference.

YAH Seems like everyone ELSE I worked with BUT my direct boss is happy to give me a good reference.

But the trouble is that I recalled when I was placed in a law firm YEARS AGO and JOKED about the TOP TEN REASONS I Both GOT HIRED and then also GOT LET GO of that job-

and I remembered the attorney I was supporting then as a paralegal has called the legal recruiter at that time (IMMEDIATELY AFTER SHE ASKED ME IF I HAD KIDS when I said "yes" and she asked "how many" and I responded "Six") had THEN stormed off, slamming her door as she went into her office and called someone from the legal personnel placement firm and went off on them. I heard through the door


Overhearing that stuck with me, so I felt COMPELLED to re-work my resume for the law firm environment. I was determined to go into that interview with a resume and references from FOUR ATTORNEYS I SUPPORTED.

I also felt a compulsion to job hunt. I applied for four or five more jobs on Wed. night, hit up contacts on Linked In etc. in hope of finding four ATTORNEYS whom I provided work to that actually supervised and directly edited my work (as needed) to provide references.

Touche ! Misson accomplished!

It was 2AM when I went to sleep. By 6AM not only did I have a response from one attorney I supported happy to provide a reference, but ALSO an email from one of the sales folk I supported who happens to live in the city my daughter is moving to!

By 9AM that day I had a positive e-mail from anther attorney agreeing to provide a reference, and another e-mail from another former co-worker also living in the city where my daughter is moving.

One offered to show her around! YAH This is someone I worked really closely with for a long time!
The other ALSO said pass on info for her to reach out.

I am SO excited that some of my old work cohorts are in that city and welcoming and willing to take time out to help my daughter if she is interested in that- in either finding a place to live or just showing her around. (These two happen to have also left my former company and stared their own new gig. They ran another company in the past and are so very , very talented. I worked closely with this team and in fact they won an award for their performance. Ironically I was the contract manager that drafted their sales agreements and they won an award for highest sales in the year I was canned. That makes little sense to me-- but the good news is THEY Appreciated all my efforts and after years of working with them they FEEL like friends so it will be nice for ME to know that if my daughter runs into any trouble whatsoever as she moves THEY ARE BOTH THERE! I mean I talked/worked with this team almost DAILY for about three years! Had we worked in a NORMAL Company I am sure they WOULD be ACTUAL Friends! HA HA That was such a weird company culture.... discouraged actually getting to know anyone at all. Now even thought I know my daughter will likely not want to follow up and will be more inclined to navigate her new world on her own, it is great to know that if there is some emergency or need she has some folks there in my corner to help out!)

Only trouble was that although I got up at 6AM and got ready early, I decided since it was a particularly humid day (or else after being in Buffalo NY which is NOT humid it felt so much moreso and I was sweating also due to nerves!), that it would not be the best idea to BIKE to the commuter lot to catch the commuter bus I had the night before planned on doing.

The bike ride is SHORT. But I was sweating out of nervousness just STANDING still once I put my suit on! Because it is a really short ride I had not packed my dress clothes and had not planned on wearing shorts and a T shirt and doing the wash up and change into professional clothing thing. No this is a quick ride so I planned on wearing a pantsuit and just biking to the park and lot in my dress shoes themselves- not even sneakers, so as to not have to change at all and so as to not be carrying a back pack or anything that would give away my mode of transportation this time around.

I figured however once dressed (and feeling super hot!) I better not try to bike in my suit for fear of drenching it in even that short ride. It was SUPER MUGGY Thu morning here!

SO I thought- let me skip that idea and just catch a later bus. Then I could walk to the park and ride rather than ride in my nice shoes and suit . Hey my interview was at 10:30 AM in D.C. so I figured I had plenty of time!

The bus I planned on taking left at 7:25 AM. I had planned on leaving around 6:45 AM and arriving at the commuter lot early. Well, my plan did not come to fruition when I ALSO ONLY THEN AS I WAS ABOUT TO LOOK UP THE SCHEDULE TO SEE WHAT TIME THE NEXT BUS WAS, REALIZED I FORGOT ONE THING:


SERIOUSLY, how the heck did I FORGET that I did not actually HAVE the bus fare? I Have not one, but TWO SMART CARDS that can be used for the bus and I KNOW ONE OF THEM actually has funds on it. I knew that would be enough to catch the bus to D.C. The last time I used the card I INTENTIONALLY Put extra money on it just for such an occasion! ( See I really TRIED to plan ahead and be organized!)

Well, trouble is that I did not expect that I COULDN"T FIND THE SMART CARD on Thu morning when it was time to go! WE used them when catching the train to head to D.C. for the CHERRY BLOSSOM RUN most recently and apparently I did not put them away in my desk where I TYPICALLY keep them. There were two as they were bought years ago when my oldest two were teens and I sent them into the city for the day.

UGH! I had the PERFECT Plan,or so I thought! But it was only when trying to revise it that I realized then that I didn't have any money OR The Bus Passes! I mean I was up at 6AM, dressed and actually EVEN REVISED MY RESUME to add another attorney that reviewed my work. (YAH !!! THANK GOD for her prompt response!!) I was all ready to go! But only then thought of the fare!!! DAMN ADHD MOMENT OF THE WEEK!!!

I felt so excited and ready for that interview. But realizing could not find the card, I then decided that even though I don't have a legal car I SHOULD drive it JUST A SHORT DISTANCE once a month so its battery does not die! So I grabbed keys, and was going to take a short spin JUST TO THE CLOSEST ATM and then to the park and ride and hop on the commuter bus.

BUT ALAS - The car battery WAS DEAD.

(I did have to jump it just days before to move it when my street was paved, but it apparently was SO DEAD that didn't hold the charge long!) So I couldn't even drive it the short distance.

I haven't driven that thing in MONTHS. To get to the bus stop to get to the interview TO GET A JOB would have been an exception I morally find justifiable so was going to risk driving it rather than risk missing the interview!

So then I figured PLAN B I have to take a LATER BUS.

At this point it was about 7:15 AM.

Lo and behold I discovered to great surprise THERE IS NO LATER BUS!

I could not believe it! They have a commuter bus into D.C. but it only runs from 4:30 AM to 7:30 AM in my area !

WOW they have riders that regularly catch a bus at 4:30AM????

But it is not available after 7:30AM????

I figured I would then catch the Regional local bus to the larger town or an even more central town further east to catch the commuter bus or newly expanded rail from there into D.C.

But it was just so disappointing to find that my local bus leaves once an hour (I KNEW THAT), and that even those two towns do not have a commuter bus run into D.C. after 7:45 AM and 8:20 AM!!!

I was reading these schedules about 15 minutes BEFORE the regional bus left my town- so catching the next one an hour later would do no good. In order to be able to catch either of those I would have had to have been on the 7:10 AM regional bus out of my town. So there was NO OPTION for public transportation at all.

Here I had figured I would walk over to the bank to take out money and catch the next commuter bus. How disappointing.
I live in one of the wealthiest counties in America and we have a crappy public transportation system and there IS NO LATER COMMUTER BUS after 7:25 AM!

The thing that irritates me most is that IS BY DESIGN. Our town just voted in some conservative who's whole platform was to NOT SUPPORT Public Transportation! I couldn't believe this dude WON! There is a fear of connection with others strongly engrained in this suburban, mostly white community.

Protect our FREEDOM

But only OUR freedom! No one else's, and God Forbid there is any diversity whatsoever. That includes socio-economic diversity. Can't have things like child care or decent public transportation as that just might ATTRACT the poor!
Can't have things like GAY PEOPLE. (Patrick Henry College's President recently indicate there must not be any gay students there! It would be Impossible according to him!)
Build those and those damn poor and OH NO... maybe even "Colored" will move here.

YEAH I live in a place where if I drive 20 minutes further west into the county I can see the Confederate Flag hung on the side of a barn.

There are actually still people who use THAT WORD. Its just shocking to me and almost as bad as hearing 'nigger'. I
don't understand why a place so well off can seem so stuck at times.

And where we hear that BS all the time regarding the flying of the Confederate flag "That is not racist, it is about honoring OUR HISTORY"

No it is not.

If Lee is a member of your family (as a friend of mine REALLY IS a descendent of Lee) Well then YES HAVING HIS PIC is a matter of your history. I GET THAT and I GET THE HONORING OF HISTORY Part that informs the decision for all the Civil War Trail markers and historic sites here. I get re-enactments. I get living history museums.

I find those things ENRICHING. SURE if we have a Confederate Flag in the HISTORY MUSEUMS here that honors history. But to have it hanging in your front yard IT DOES send a DIFFERENT message whether that is intended or not.

So don't act nave and pretend you don't KNOW That sends a message that YOU WISH we lived like it was 100 years ago IN EVERY RESPECT.

I suppose one thing about this community, they are not particularly subtle-

They voted in the guy afraid of public transportation.

OH well...

It is certainly MY FAULT I did not make it to that interview.

I can blame no one but myself. But I am not into the blame thing to begin with. It is not blame I am discussing here , just plain surprise that the priorities of this place I live WHICH IS SO VERY BEAUTIFUL in so many ways, DIFFER in ways that I am not happy about. Perhaps values is not the right word, CHOICES may be a better encapsulation of what I mean. I think the CHOICES in my community are at times some I don't understand and wish were different.

I think there is a huge distinction between preserving the lifestyle of quiet quaint country towns WHICH I DO VALUE and making decisions based on FEAR. I GET IT that some are disappointed at the changes in communities that progress brings when the simple pleasures in life get lost. That is however due to the so called "progress" not being well thought out. I do think that poor planning is because some decisions when it comes to public infrastructure have been made based on FEAR.

It is the FEAR which I find disconcerting.

And I sure as hell don't understand FEAR of the poor such that there are NO PUBLIC infrastructure and support systems which are designed to pull the poor UP AND OUT OF POVERTY by giving access to opportunity!

There WILL BE POOR HERE but they won't have access to child care or transportation to get to jobs!

There ARE POOR HERE and they live in the outer lying rural communities without any resources available at all.

There ARE POOR HERE and they live in wonderful suburban communities where the only jobs available are the ones THEY CREATE or the very few low wage jobs at the few businesses in town OR THEY WORK HERE In service industry jobs providing service to our community but barely make enough to live on.

I really didn't intend to rant today. But I just got a call in from my pharmacist as there are prescriptions ready for pick up. I am waiting for two loan payments to go through ( on those almost finished legal fees from all the past nastiness) AND the phone bill payment to go through before I spend another dime.

Only AFTER those three auto pay bills go thorough will I venture out to pick up my prescriptions that have been ready.

THEN After Sept 1 I will move money to pay my mortgage and water bill from my 401K I am tapping into.

I then will ALSO make it over to the Dr. and pick up my Wellbutrin.

So as I STARTED TO WRITE about how I intended on taking my medicine BEFORE the next interview as I KNOW it does help me to somehow REMEMBER the basic common sense things LIKE BUS FARE and like LOOKING AT BUS SCHEDULES THOROUGHLY BEFORE THE MORNING I HAVE TO LEAVE etc...

Yet as always, the writing leads where it will and I don't always know where that will end up.

Its an interesting process to just write and see where it takes one.

I think life is like that as well.

If we are open to life taking us where it will, it might surprise us. The key is the openness and willingness to let it flow.

I like to let my writing flow, and likewise like to let my life flow.

Last night I was checking e-mail and came across an invite to preview of a weekend session on Creating a Career That Matters being offered my Marianne Williamson.

The preview was wonderful! She encapsulated all the things I really like about Unity which is why I go to their services to pray on occasion.

For anyone who is not feeling they are fully actualized in their work or life in general I suppose, I highly recommend reading some of her works and/or considering her workshop. I think it is a great resource for anyone who makes the choice to consciously create their own work based on what they love to do rather than look for a job. That is certainly what my goal is- to actualize my dream of working at that which I feel is my unique purpose in life.

I truly believe we ALL have unique gifts and a purpose in life. I think it could be ANYTHING that one does with passion by which they make life a better place.

I am thinking of a cab driver. You know, sometimes that may be a seemingly shitty job- but I live in a place where there IS NOT EVEN ONE CAB COMPANY! That job offers such a service to others!

Realize that sometimes one may end up doing something which seems so very banal but PERHAPS just perhaps one has been actually called to do that particular thing because there is some gift, some change, some positive affect that ONLY YOU can have in that place and time in the space you are in.

I love that Marianne Williamson captures that idea that we all have a sense of purpose and what matters is not what we do, but HOW we do it and what we bring to our daily work.

If however you are in a job you TRULY HATE and can't find joy in at all, then I think this workshop is for you. Stop being miserable and do what you love.

Life is just too short to do otherwise.

Which is why, when I don't get a job offer after an opportunity arises, then I don't sweat it- as I figure that one was just not meant to be. I still have that basic outlook that if we are open we will be led to where we belong. Yes it is a simple faith based perspective at times, yet at its core is the individual choices of our own will in where we ultimately do go. That is a belief I consistently hold and live by; a balance of a spiritual reality greater than ourselves and our own free will of choices that shape our lives.

Hearing Marianne's talk last night was very validating as she reiterated much of what my basic core beliefs are.

Perhaps I was not meant to get the job I biked to but I WAS meant to be motivated to get off my butt and make that ride I have THOUGHT Of doing for so long! I perhaps was meant to be motivated to make that ride FOR ME. Perhaps finding a book that really spoke to me such that it is being held at a bookstore for me to go back and get was REALLY the whole reason I was there.

After I bike back ,which I intend to do soon- I will have to write more about the book I found as that itself is worthy of consideration in another entry. Once again, I feel like when I walked into that bookstore it was CLEAR that I was indeed where I was MEANT to be in that moment.

That is the kind of thing that happens when one is open to following where led. Sometimes, you may be right where you are supposed to be, but the REASON WHY is at first not at all clear. It is often, I find, not at all the reason I had INITIALLY thought but something even deeper and more profoundly important than I had imagined. Finding a book in that bookstore on a rainy Saturday was one of those moments for me. After I go back and pick it up , I will be sure to write more about that!

Until then, back to the task at hand for this day: Cleaned up the house, including the basement once again and hopefully talk to the realtor who is going to list it for me to get it on the market.

I get to enjoy time with the girls tonight for this last weekend of summer before school starts.

OH and I also just now recalled what I was also going to write about! My hiking friends are off to the Grand Teton's In Wyoming this weekend! I was happy to receive two messages from two of them! I received an invite months ago but declined for obvious reason of having my girls with me this weekend as well as financially not tenable just now. I am so happy to have their friendship and communication and know there will be future trips planned and look forward to when I can join them!

So thinking of friends now in Wyoming and sending them love and joy! I am with them in Spirit and that at least makes me very happy.

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