2014-09-15 - 2:39 p.m.

I am venting frustration here as I am ALL READY to go bike to a friend's house to help her with something but have NO IDEA where I misplaced those darn glasses.

I soon will just leave without them... or humble myself and call her AGAIN to embarrassedly tell her I still didn't get out of the house.

I planned on being at her place around noon.
I FORGOT and was in house cleaning (bathroom cleaning actually) mode this AM after doing some paperwork and bills stuff.

I remembered and looked at the clock to see how much time I had and it was ALREADY after noon! HOW THE HELL DOES THAT HAPPEN?

I mean how is it possible that I woke up, did some paperwork, then started cleaning house and at that time of the day the house looks WORSE than when I began?

I was SO LOOKING FORWARD to whipping this place in shape today.

So When I remembered my friend, I called and told her will be over in a couple of hours. She was clearly disappointed. I felt bad.
So now a couple of hours later I have to just vent before heading out late again- it will relieve just a BIT OF ANXIETY.

And frustration as house STILL A MESS. Another friend of mine pointed out she is not maintaining a friendship with this person due to negativity. It IS True as when on the phone and I said I lost track of time cleaning she commented "You were cleaning your house the other day too"

I said "YES ITS A MESS !"

Yes I cleaned last week and it WAS NOT a mess, but it is again after a weekend with girls.

She said "Those girls should be helping out more"

I said "I know , you are right. They did clean rooms to a degree but I need to get in there and finish up"

YES she is right but I have to say it IS True that this friend has a negative way of putting things and putting one down that she is totally unaware of. She also has a terrible habit of talking about other people and saying "I know I shouldn't gossip BUT..."

She is older and I swear not much else for her to do. So Pocohontas had introduced us years ago and this lady has been good to me. Trouble is that at this point Pocohontas JUST told me that she wants to NOT maintain the friendship with her as Pocohontas finds her negativity really toxic and doesn't want to be around it.

I don't blame her one bit as this lady DOES complain and is truly often very negative.

But I try to just be kind and did tell her I would help her out with something today.

Pocahontas told me just yesterday that she doesn't tell this lady anything about her life anymore as she has discovered she then ends up the topic of gossip.

The thing is in the past this lady has told ME That Pocohontas told HER that SHE AND I (Pocohontas and I ) were not friends anymore. When that was said I told the lady it wasn't true, that I am sure it was just a momentary vent when P was angry about something but it passed and I didn't think too much of it. I paid no attention as that was just DAYS after Pocohontas and I had spent time together doing something. So I kinda ignored that banter.

I figured likewise, The two of them were annoyed with each other so I kinda just ignored their drama also at the time as it was at the SAME TIME Pocohontas was telling ME that she wanted nothing to do with this LADY anymore when she was upset about something. Not my issue... and have been friends with Pocohontas so long understand something she needs to just VENT. So I listen and act as supportive as I can. AND don't take seriously when she says she is cutting someone off! (She rarely follows through as with those threats!)

Pocahontas and this lady both bitch about each other, but then there will be some social thing we all do together not long afterwards so I am in habit of listening and not paying too much mind.

Interesting thing happened recently however. Seems Pocohontas is SERIOUS about protecting her boundary of her private life and NOT telling this lady her business. Trouble is that for me when one starts telling all their friends something that is kinda public and then I spent time or Talk to this lady, the lady is asking ME QUESTIONS about Pocohontas as if she is a friend in concern for her.

YES Pocohontas can have moments of not feeling well. I thought the concern was legitimate. I think I reassured her (or so I thought) but in doing so must have revealed something about Pocohontas' life she did not want the lady to know. Poncohontas is annoyed with me.

I guess she and this lady had a big falling out. Whatever...

NOt my issue
I just don't like being in the middle.

And it kinda annoys me that Pocahontas would be aggravated if I validate some info about her life she has already publicly announced to all her friends(like she is engaged!), but that I am SUPPOSED To know that she is not on good terms and doesn't want this lady to know . She says she told me that before, but she has said that about this lady MANY TIMES and then organized social events over and over again so I assumed she got over it. I mean the boy who cried wolf...

I also assumed it was not my concern or issue and didn't really care at all. Whatever...

But anyway... its just annoying to be in this uncomfortable position of getting a call from Pocohontas saying things like "IF you want to kiss her ass..."

Whatever...
And me ignoring her and thinking I am NOT getting involved but when I want to just go and help this imperfect friend for a bit (well aware now not to bite the bait if this friend asks ME questions about Pocohonta's PERSONAL LIFE... so as to respect boundaries...)

I can't find my damn glasses.

Ce la vie...

I actually ALSO dozed right after lunch which put me behind as well...

The funny thing is that to be honest I DO Think one of these two woman is being manipulative but I can't KNOW WHICH IT IS AND I DON'T REALLY CARE AS I KNOW THEY BOTH CAN BE

True the one gossips and can be negative and cynical at times;

True the other creates invented reality at times to protect herself

At least I believe she does as I believe I have SEEN and WITNESSED her do this. I am not convinced she is NOT a pathological liar at times! TRUTH BE TOLD SHE COULD BE IT is kinder to believe she just protects her boundaries than to believe she creates LIES to protect her truth because she doesn't really want her truth revealed.

( It has occurred that SHE could be manipulating both the friend AND ME simply because she doesn't want US to be friends and she wants me to have certain info and the friend to have OTHER info but does not want both versions of truth to intersect and cross paths! Think of the bigamist who us maintaining two marriages as the EXTREME example of why one would do that! That is the extreme example which makes it really clear why one wouldn't want two worlds colliding! There MIGHT be something Pocahontas feels the need to protect from someone... I can't really know what her agenda is, but the manipulation COULD be on her part for some reason.
That is for her to figure out as to whether honesty is actually a value she feels important in her frienships or not... not for me, and she can make her own choices in life. I can still love and support her as a friend EVEN IF I DON'T AGREE WITH ALL HER CHOICES and she likewise in relation to me! EVEN IF she is not always being honest with either me or someone else (as I do hear these opposing stories at times).

The other possibility is that Pocohontas is COMPLETELY HONEST and this lady is truly just completely toxic and manipulative. But if that is so I don't think it works too well as I essentially listen to her gossip and try to cut it off and IGNORE it completely. I don't react and won't get involved in other's lives. If what she says to ME is true then Pocohontas is protecting herself I THINK BECAUSE SHE REALLY HAS A NEED TO DO SO and frankly I can see that, understand it, and not judge it.

But if what this lady says is NOT TRUE then it is a case of HER being manipulative and dishonest and I have no idea NOR NEED TO UNDERSTAND why at all. I just don't care much either way to be honest... other than it is irritating frankly that EITHER OF THEM ever talk of the other.

Whatever...

I don't care either way as I STILL Like Pocahontas and value our friendship and if you Know one's flaws and don't take them personally it is really easy to remain friends despite their issues as long as you understand when to place faith and trust in them and when not to do so. One thing about Pocahontas is that she is VERY LOYAL and VERY LOVING and always there for her friends and has always been there for me. So I appreciate her.

And while I don't like when the lady friend is negative and cynical or unknowingly puts me or anyone else down, there are OTHER TIMES she is very FUNNY, generous, giving and really lovely to spend time with. She enjoys DOING THINGS that I like to do and doesn't mind driving. She actually ENJOYS going to the theater which so I really don't have any other friends to go with. Really no one else really LIKES THAT as much as I do.
The fact SHE DOES means it is nice to occasionally go with her. She also is happy to spend time with my kids and that is a nice thing as she has been very supportive of us as a family.

I can be friends with BOTH and accept the flaws in both of them. As long as I KNOW WHO THEY EACH ARE and keep my OWN boundaries clear I know I can appreciate each. Whether they can maintain their friendship is not my issue.

OF course if I can't get my butt over to her place she may give up on me as a friend..

OH Well..
I did it again.

Lost track of time... but I feel better now as they BOTH irritated me in conversations with them both in the last 24 hours so I needed to vent to clear MY AIR!!

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