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2015-06-02 - 1:22 p.m.

Loced this thing as I am in process of trying to land a full time job. I figure less out there for folks to judge me by the better, right?

This article saddens me a bit as I worry that the offer the recruiter said he would be surprised I did not find in my in box by MON COB at the latest, has not transpired.

I worry it is the mirage of a criminal record which could be the trouble.

I HOPE that is not the case. I HOPE an offer is forthcoming and that there is just a bit of a hold up.

I was damn good at my job.
I know I will be damn good wherever I land the next one.

Here is the article.

If I don't land this gig I think I will reach out to get some help in expunging the lower court record (Even THOUGH it was overturned in the VA Supreme Court, I KNOW it did show up on a police background check in the past and might still be showing up)

"Contributing to the delinquency of youth" is what showed up, along with disposition of GUILTY. That was just WRONG as that was the initial charge that was later amended to "Non compliance with schoool attendance laws" which was later THROWN OUT by the VA Supreme Court who overturned and threw out the whole case on the final appeal.

Winning that precedent setting decision which means municipalities in VA can not use late to school as an excuse to collect money from poor parents who are challenged to get kids to school on time truly did a lot of good in this world I live in.

I may not have ASPIRED to help poor , working and mostly single mothers through the walking of that path of the fight against the school; but indeed I suppose I really DID achive that good.

I may have envisioned becoming an immigration lawyer to help "the other"- the marginalized, immigrant, members of our society who are dienfranchized and not fully accepted or apprechiated and who are disregarded and denied basic ameneties and privaleges that are offered to the mainstream white America I grew up in.

Ironic as I have been humbled to unexpectedly BECOME one of those poor, working and often single mothers. I have BECOME part of that world that I was shocked was so separate and ignored and which I wanted to pull into the mainstream with inclusion, respect, acknoweledgement and DIGNITY.

It is seeing "the other" and not identifying which is what creates separation to begin with. So perhaps this humbling of the experience forced ME to realize I too, fundamentally was viewing this segment of population as "other" , in need of help, in a narcissistic way thinking I was uniquely positioned to give it.

Perhaps this fall from the grace of being one of the mainstream has been a necessary humbling in order for me to keep focus on the truly important values in life.

So I have that focus, yes that re-focus.

Which is why I think I so hope to get THIS JOB that seemed to have been coming to fruition.

I had another company interested in me for a job that would pay $20K more a year and honestly I am not that excited about that opportunity.

It is with a fortune 10 company that actually does work I truly believe in. It would be a good paying job in the corporate part of America in a company which actually does give opportunity to all.

It is a company that provides mortgages and student loans.

I would be really PROUD to do that work.

It achieves the same goals I set out to achieve by becoming an immigration lawyer: Giving opportunity for ALL to be part of the American Dream, not just SOME.

I want to do valuable work I believe in.

I feel like this gig could be it,and so hope it comes to fruition.

If not, I am SURE what I am MEANT To do will manifest itself eventually. I feel like my job now is to actually be at peace, do what I am doing each day well and be fully present in the moment, and wait for that to happen.

While of course, continuing to study. The difference is that now I don't feel so concerned about the outcome. I think I am letting go of the expectation , anticipation and need to actually SUCCEED at the bar exam. Perhaps it is the need for the vision of success , the narcissictic need for OTHERS To view me as successful by the world's standards I have let go of.

For now, I have done some housecleaning and need to catch a bus to work at the retirement community in a bit over one hour. In that time I will finish watching a movie HOWL about the trial of the publisher of Alan Gindsburg's novel and embrace my job in being home in my quiet space taking in poetry.

This weekend I dropped money on a car rental just to be able to buy plants and bring them to my garden. I was going to bike but was tired Sat AM, so decided to rent the car and get the garden in. I have not found time with working two jobs many days. So it was just a DELIGHT to spend time finding the plants on Sat and then on SUN putting in my garden!

I met a lovely lady at the garden who had biked there with her husband. We hit it off and she invited me to come to YOGA class. That has been on my bucket list for SO LONG. I finally went !
It was just a PERFECT DAY! I gardened from 7AM until 2PM with an hour break at 11 for Yoga class. At 2pm I was finished getting my plants in the ground and watered, came home and washed up and headed to work at the retirement community. Just a lovely day to nurture self doing someting I love with joy!

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