2015-10-07 - 11:24 p.m.

I accidentally lost an entry about the boy...

I should say man....

but leave it at this

I have to go to bed.

He is hot, a dancer, and seems to enjoy spending time with me.

He NEVER calls, except to call me back. Says he does not want a relationship. (He was in one when he met me. We hit it off, screwed around basically as the chemistry was CRAZY... and only AFTER that did he mention his girl..)
He said recently "Back when I was seeing..."

so that is ostensibly past tense now.

Nonetheless, he does not want a relationship so he says.
Yet he is RESPONSIVE when I call him. Always picks up. When I extend an invite more often than not he says YES. When I call , he often then extends an invite to get together.

So interesting how he never calls me,yet is so very responsive.

RED FLAG that he may just not be that into me....

which is ok in some respects, and of course that is PRECISELY why I enjoy dating him! I don't want someone who doesn't HAVE THEIR OWN THINGS MOTIVATING THEM

HE DOES
He has a personal quest he is own. His faith is foremost right now. Big time into study of the Bible and understanding his place in the world with that as his grounding perspective.

He is 45 but seems younger to me. A little less mature in many respect, but SO MUCH MORE EXPERIENCED AND MATURE IN OTHERS! NEVER MARRIED but understandable why.... at 30 he was arrested and spent 10 years in a federal penitentiary. Question is how much of a changed man is he?
IS the faith REAL ? Is he genuine? OR IS HE JUST A PSYCOPATH? (HA HA) Seriously he COULD be a psychopath in the actual sense of the word, one who is anti social and who uses the Bible to cherry pick what supports their own personal agenda to be counter culture. He went to a conference out in Washington State from some dude entitled "Removing Commercial Karma"
and is speaking of how there is no LAW that mandated we pay the IRS, but we do so willingly. Some counter culture stuff that sounds a bit like it could just be nonsense to me frankly. HOWEVER, it is interesting... and it MIGHT actually be truth and have merit! I would never know unless I am open to listening and understanding what this is all about. Apparently there is a movement to apply admiralty law, maritime law, based on TREATY which does in fact have precedence over statutory state or federal law, in order to avoid being subject to either personal or physical jurisdiction in order to bypass SOME obligations that are imposed on citizens. Apparently there is a way to change one's status...
so this guy was telling me how he is changing his status to non resident alien.

I suppose if one was a felony and lost privileges that are given citizens, perhaps then it makes sense to renounce citizenship if it is only then imposing obligations upon you.

So I think I get why this appeals to him. I UNDERSTAND how hard it is once one is a "Criminal" and has a record. So this guy who has been out for four years runs his own company. That is out of necessity it seems, as it seems hard to get hired. He was involved in his church as a volunteer and enjoyed filling in for a men's bible study and was really hurt that they have a process for volunteers and once they knew of his record he was not as welcomed.

Well.. there are consequences when one has total disregard for the laws of our society.

In any case, I find myself trying not to be judgmental of this man's past but open to what he offers me in the present- which is good company, great sexual pleasure with mutual respect (AND HE DOES NOT NEED TO BE TAUGHT!!! WHOO HOOOO!!! ) Heck he has the ART of seduction down! He can dance....

He came over and helped me harvest tomatoes and cook and it is SO REFRESHING To spend time with a man who UNDERSTANDS FOREPLAY!!

In fact...its so lovely that he is very open to seeing me once in a while but NOT TOO MUCH so I can focus on my girls and study and keep priorities aligned.

I have to go to bed so I won't recap our dates but its nice to have gone dancing, hiking, harvested my garden, cooked together, gone to a fair, wineries and to top that all off he invited me to go hear him play with this musician:
http://www.jasonmasi.com/

OH yeah... did I mention this guy is a master at the art of seduction? IF anyone needs help with that just pick up Masi's CD

Trust me you can't go wrong.

OK, my fella had the advantage of being a DRUMMER who was asked to sit in on a Loudoun winery gig, but trust me... the seduction happened WEEKS before I even KNEW he was a musician of sorts himself. The CD playing in the car was enough weeks before as we left a winery.... heck that is a good recipe to follow right there. Take a girl to a winery, have this CD in the car.... skip to #6.. and you will not go wrong.

( I just wonder when the fellow I am seeing will get sick of that song... I envision him following that formula often.. HA HA I mean I just ASSUME someone as HOT as him is a player! Why not be one when you CAN BE???

Trouble for me is that despite the fact I had FOUR guys interested in me and out right proposition me in the past few months I met this ONE MAN who had all the things I have literally asked for!

I JOKED That I asked GOD to find a man with certain things and made the list..

must take me dancing weekly
be a musician
be faith filled with GOD #1 in his life ( I TURNED DOWN A PROPOSAL TRULY BECAUSE HE WAS NOT FAITH FILLED AND COULD NOT MARRY SOMEONE WHO IS NOT A BELIEVER IN GOD! SERIOUSLY! That was one of the things I couldn't get beyond with the hiker who I never fell for. I think I COULD Have fallen in love with him if we shared a spiritual perspective )

That sounds so very hokey but I made this list... he had to be HOT I mean I had to have CHEMISTRY SICK OF OVERWEIGHT MEN WHO DO NOT TAKE CARE OF THEIR BODY OR THEIR SPIRITUAL SELVES

I want one who does BOTH

I want a man I can go hiking with who does not get winded *CHECK

A MAN I could go dancing with * CHECK

HAS A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD * CHECK

LOVER OF MUSIC , preferably a musician * CHECK ( and the fact he is a drummer is an extra bonus!!!)

So the joke I have made is when one asks God for something BE VERY SPECIFIC

I was specific that I WANT TO MEET A MAN WHO HAS ALL THE ABOVE, AND IS NOT AN ALCOHOLIC

Damn, there have been too many alcoholic men who have come into my life... I am really good at saying NO to those relationships when the opportunity arises, and have made some wonderful friends along the way (as I will still LOVE each of them... will be a friend to extent that works... but I just won't have a relationship other than that with an alcoholic)

But I joke I FORGOT TO ADD ONE THING TO MY LIST OF CRITERA ...

OH YEAH

GOD I don't want an EX CON

Darn, forgot that part....

I have fallen in love with an ex con...

YUP.

But I am thankfully VERY GOOD AT FALLING IN LOVE AND CHOOSING NOT TO HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP KNOWING IT IS NOT THE ONE FOR ME.

Time will tell whether this guy is a dream or a nightmare...or a nice man in between the two! Either way I know I have no trouble walking away. Its more of a challenge of whether I could actually stick around in a relationship if it were to get serious beyond casual dating. I was able to date the attorney for over three years BECAUSE he was NEVER serious. HE was therefore very non threatening. Interestingly at the point where I found that frustrating I assessed and realized I did not want more with him, but I ended it when I realized I am at the point in life where for the first time in years I am actually open to the possibility of more.

I am no longer in the I WOULD NEVER CONSIDER A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP EVER AGAIN STANCE.

It is NICE however to be at the point where I thought " I would just Love to fall in love"
and well...
when one envisions what they want it will manifest!

So I am enjoying all the benefits of being in love!!

What you ask for will manifest...

SO reminder here

BE SURE TO BE VERY SPECIFIC
(HA HA)

And also , when God give's you a gift, or brings a dream to fruition... who are you to say that YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OR

That it or whomever has been manifest in your life IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?

Heck, that is my philosophy "Thy will be done Lord"

I am turning my life over to the Lord and just going with the flow of the energy and experiences that are manifest. If things are meant to be I believe they will happen . That doesn't mean I don't have to do WORK to get where I am meant to be, but when things are RIGHT they are easier than when one is doing something they are NOT meant to do. I also think if we think TOO MUCH , we are then at times not open to opportunities or people God DOES bring into our lives.

LOVE IS THE ABSENCE OF JUDGEMENT.

I am trying to just BE Loving. I am happy to just BE GIVING.

In other news, I am LOVING modeling again. I have a gig a couple nights a week right in town where afterwards I get to hear a jazz band one night, and the other night I work I get to go Latin dancing! Its such a joy! Met some lovely ladies who regularly go so its nice. (and the hot dancer! HE takes a dance class so is often there at the club after that class. )

Speaking of people coming into one's life... I ran into the wife of the son of the immigration lawyer that the BIA Member (who could not give a recommendation for), just HAPPENED To open the phone book and sort of happen to have her hand rest under the name of.

She could not give a comment on any lawyers before her court, nor give a reference, but did only that.

I wrote down the name and never forgot it. HE since died, but at one point I CRASHED A PARTY in this little rural spot in VA with Pocahontas and lo and behold met the one other party crashers there- THE PARTNER of that Immigration LAWYER Who was about to retire. Seriously one could not imagine such happening. He literally OFFERED ME HIS PRACTICE but I did not have the BAR and then failed it.
SO that did not come to be, but I STILL Take this all as a sign to remain steadfast in my goals and dreams.

Seriously, when Pocahontas and I went out dancing I not only met the hot guy, but in came the wife of the son of that lawyer it was "suggested" I look up to try to work with. I take that as a sign. Ironically the son did pass the BAR and worked with his DAD but HATED THE WORK. It was not his dream! I am sure his partner since retired. I could find him and his wife if I search and once I pass that BAR I WILL DO SO! Seeing her dancing a few times now is a great reminder.

I truly do not believe in coincidences.
There is just a time for all things.

Some things, such as my law practice, may happen yet... it has just not been the time.

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