Get your own diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2015-11-11 - 4:45 p.m.

It has been a lovely day off work. I intended to clean my house and have not achieved that, however I did finally get the flower bulbs planted.
I hoped to prune the bushes as well and didn't get far with that project. The pruners need sharpening, and my arms did not feel very strong and I got tired quickly so gave up on that for today.

The day started out with a lovely run around town.
I was worried about a shin splint that has been bothering me for a couple of months. I intended on training to go run the Battleship 5K in Wilmington NC this past weekend, but due to the shin pain only went running three or four times tops in the past few months. I stopped my training after getting a horrid shin splint from DANCING of all things!

I have so enjoyed Latin Dancing , but couldn't believe that is what gave me the injury!

It was just a lovely and relaxing day.

I didn't make it out to the summer garden to see if there are any lingering herbs and greens. I am SURE there are some! We picked the Sweet Potato harvest and some greens and herbs a couple of weeks ago and they were wonderful.

My batch of green tomatoes is gone, and all the red were boiled and then frozen for winter.

I intended on making it out there to scavenge for what is left. Maybe one evening this week if I get home early enough.

I am going to go color my hair (roots are showing), and then head to a Veteran's Day concert that my two high school girls are singing in.

Just a fabulous day off enjoying myself.

Last weekend I was happy that I went to NC despite the shin splint, and despite the fact the friends I hoped would come along didn't make it. My fault for not being organized enough to call back the one friend I talked to MONTHS Ago. Maybe I will get it together and be in touch and perhaps next year she will join us for a Semper Fi fundraising run. Next year my Marine friend is planning on actually running the marathon, and if he get a team together I will run the 10K next Fall, and hopefully also motivate some others to join us.

I feel like it is the one thing I can do to show appreciation and help take care of those who made sacrifices for the rest of us.

Heck, even though I consider myself a peace nik TRULY... and would be most comfortable at an anti war rally, I don't see it as contradictory in any way to have appreciation and respect for our military who ARE willing to serve our country to preserve the freedoms we do enjoy.

I just wish we would get to the point already where we actually ALL enjoy the same freedoms and privileges.

Blues for Charlie was so very jarring in a way as it is a reminder of just how young our country is and just how far we still need to go in our growth as a nation.

I truly enjoyed both listening to and reading Go Set a Watchmen by Harper Lee over the past couple of months as she really captured that reality of the development of out country as we pass through adolescence, struggle with identity, and then try to come into our own adulthood.

It was a fascinating, insightful rumination on that growth or our nation. I found the text of her novel to sound remarkable similar to James Baldwin's dialogue that he captured in his play. It dawned on me that both writers were so very good at actually capturing the voices of the divergent individuals they wrote about , and both stories took place at the same time in history, and both dealt with the differing perspectives from being in the South and NY in particular.

Having come from NY and now living south of that Mason Dixon line, I truly understand those different perspectives and so enjoyed how both works captured them. They both hold the stark reality of being painful in exposing hatred and fear, but are both worth spending time with. I found the book needed more than one read. In the first read it is too easy to be jarred by the ugliness of some of the things represented. I needed to re-read and listen again to realize Harper Lee was capturing a slice of the reality which is our country. NOT WAS, but STILL IS which is why it is so very painful.
We have not grown all that much, yet, but I feel like we are sophomoric as a country- pretending we are grown when we really are not, hiding our insecurity and ugliness and hoping no one else can see it, putting on makeup and clothing and trying to find our new identity. As a country I feel like we are exploring, and at times awkward and too loud, and at other times, obnoxious in believing we know it all, but really just still rather young.

But alas, we are still growing..
and growth is always a bit painful.

I just hope we don't require a full blown revolution for things to really change and for this growth to come to fruition, full circle.

That is the one warning in Harper Lee's Novel that I see there which I haven't yet noticed anyone else pick up on and discuss.

The character of the Uncle comments to the effect that what does one expect when watching a revolution, for it to NOT get ugly? For it to NOT be painful? For it to NOT have some violence?

In listening to the words of her novel, it seemed to me that Harper Lee was witnessing that we are at the START of a revolution of change in America.
And it seemed prophetic that the revolution was JUST beginning.
I think that is one reason the publishers didn't want to publish that book , as it truly did include some radical thoughts.

Seems to me, this is true, that there is not going to be major change WITHOUT a painful revolution.

I disagree with Gil Scott Heron, as I don't think it has come to fruition and I do think before my life is over it HAS to come to a head.

It was scary that it seemed almost like that would happen THIS PAST SUMMER as history repeated itself in waves of burning of black churches in the south which barely was reported...
DAMN, maybe he is right
Maybe the revolution will not be televised, they didn't even televise the burning of churches much...
But they DID televise the killing of young black men en masse, disproportionate to the population and disproportionate to the number of individuals arrested. That has been televised

I feel like the revolution WILL BE TELEVISED.
I feel like it is overdue in a way and change will not happen until there is some major upheaval of our society and culture.

I just hope it is not too devastating and that it can be POSSIBLE TO have have a major change and major revolution without violence!

Is that possible????

I feel like we are NOT where we need to be as a country yet...
and therefore change HAS to continue,
if it happens in this lifetime
The Revolution WILL Be Televised,
and it WILL be Facebooked

whatever it is...
It will be

It HAS TO BE AT SOME POINT, as in fifty years, we have not come a long way baby...
no, I feel like we have taken a few steps, but are still stuck in adolescence as a county.

I live here in Northern VA where I have commented before on how there is this whole social class here who PRETEND they are British Aristocracy.
Harper Lee wrote of the same darn thing, the clinging to an identity which is not even our own.

America GROW UP
ITs about time...
Do it now before some Momma slaps you hard thinking that is the only way to get you on track to grow up.

She might be a national hero, getting you in line America, with the image of her slapping you around to prevent you entering the street in crime in a city like Baltimore going viral.
She might be seen as a hero, disciplining you America, telling you ENOUGH I WON'T HAVE MY CHILD RUNNING AROUND CREATING MAYHEM

But only if recognized its for your OWN GOOD AMERICA, your Momma is not going to let you run rampant without guidance....

Who is that Momma? Who is going to be the one to pull this child of our country in and keep us in line?

NOt sure...
But am sure of one thing..

The revolution will be televised.

Then there will be some who see that Black Momma and call her crazy... some who ask WHY ARE WE LISTENING TO HER..

some who hear BLACK LIVES MATTER and miss the point... that she is asking us to allow her to come to the table, that she is asking us to allow her to partake of the meal, that she is asking us to stop expecting her to not only BE RESILIANT and BE STRONG but also she is asking us to RESPECT HER and VALUE HER.

I am disgusted that there is a movement based on resilience rather than a movement to stop the subjugation and systematic violence of people who are marginalized

In recent talks of race, such as meetings on college campuses, we hear a lot about "RESILIANCE"
That is sad to me, and a form of blaming the victim and asking the victim to learn how to respond better..
in essence it offensively ignores the problem and responsibility of the perpetrators of violence! The trouble I see is that if our society continues to do that, we are ASKING FOR A REVOLUTION. If we won't even ALLOW the voices to be heard of those systematically victimized, we are ASKING THEM TO BECOME RADICALIZED!

I read that Martin Luther King was NOT honored when he was alive. Many were critical and didn't like that he was advocating radical change and did NOT think being QUIET was the way to do it. He was not opposed to a true revolution. He was open to being disruptive to bring about change.

I think we are at that point once again... and the Black Lives Matter movement which is being led by queer black women is absolutely fascinating in that these women are being largely ignored as its leader.
Amazing They just want to be SEEN They just want to be INVITED TO THE TABLE

They just want their identity to be acknowledged.

I fear that if we don't do so, this revolution will be forthcoming in a truly abrasive , violent manner.

Similarly, if we keep imprisoning non violent offenders, and then keep them marginalized so they can not partake in society, why then are we so surprised by the rise in movements like sovereign nation movements which have been growing?

Those are the ultimate adolescent expression of individuals screaming to have an identity and be accepted. If not accepted in society, well then, they will proclaim they have THEIR OWN... and will proclaim they have laws and spiritual and moral principals ABOVE THOSE of our organized society.
Once again, a scary and misguided philosophy has been GROWING in prisons, banning together those who are there and marginalized. WHY? HOW DOES This APPEAL to individuals who don't seem to even see they are being drawn into what on my analysis is a counter culture grounded simply on TAX FRAUD ! Its like the founders just want to be passive aggressive in not partaking of the system which has rejected them. Its simplistic and foolish, yet that movement GROWS!!


So America, you need to really get it together and grow up !
Its time now.
For if you don't grow into your own by embracing all the different diverse parts of your self and INVITING THEM ALL TO THE TABLE for conversation to get to know each other, You will remain a fragmented confused adolescent with mood swings that shift the pendulum of your identify as you try each new trend in order to find yourself, but meanwhile the drugs on the street for experimentation are stronger and harder and more deadly than they were, and I am afraid your experimentation could just be sucicidal.

So America, get it together please.
That is my prayer for you this Veterans Day, we needn't create wars to create a strong economy, we needn't a mirage of false hopes and fake causes to band around and fox hole together in order to have a strong identity We needn't some invisible evil for us to all band together in order to fight..
There is no axis of evil other than our immature selves tearing at our own skin, picking at our scabs and popping our own zits trying to get the pus out, when we know its really part of who we are, and we have to embrace it and leave it alone gracefully in order for the infection to heal and eventually disappear.
We need to stop our picking
at ourselves, at our scars, and start just living in the moment with grace, taking care of our environment and living close to our earth. We need to start living healthy with ourselves and not disconnected.
We need to learn to accept even the parts of ourselves we don't like.

America, its time to grow up.
Grow up and stop the toddler like tantrums, the first adolescence of "ME ME ME!!!" ;
Stop the imperialistic always wanting MORE, MORE, MORE , MORE
and never being satisfied.
its time to grow up beyond the self centered, self consciousness, and its time to take ourselves a little less seriously.

It time to drink more water, eat your veggies, and get your exercise America. Its time to stop being a workaholic, alcoholic, obsessively trying to be at the top, yearning to "Rule the Air" or the world, or the sea.. and ignoring the sky. Its time to look upward at the stars and the mountains and seek to elevate ourselves.
America, let enjoy a hike in the mountains, not to look down on others feeling above them but to appreciate the wonder and beauty of our world we are but one small part of.
America, honor our insignificance, and respect our uniqueness, with humility and through that we perhaps will achieve greatness.

Enough of my plea to my county.
I just want it to be a place where each of us feel we truly belong, feel truly loved, and feel truly a PART OF.
I WANT each American to feel pride in our identity, not embarrassment. I want each American to be excited about celebrating our uniqueness.
I want each American to be as honored to be here and part of this place as any immigrant who has ever been Naturalized does.

I want the American Dream to be a real , true, honest and attainable one.

I want it to be a viable dream for ALL AMERICANS, not just white privileged. I want each American to truly have opportunity and truly contribute to our world with their unique gifts in a joyful, loving way which is that which no other can do.

I want us to embrace each individual, and in doing so, create a stronger identity as a whole.

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at!