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2015-11-10 - 10:56 p.m.

For sake of other people's privacy there are some things I would love to write about in the moment, but hold off until AFTER they are done. One such example is TRAVEL. I don't like to broadcast my travel plans ahead of time, or let people know where I am going ahead of time.

Another is working at jobs for an artist. That is in a way a very intimate space that I feel protective of-- the art studio. The act of creation going on there is sacred and therefore I just feel like it is important to be sure it is respected.
Not that anyone reads this anyway... but one never knows I suppose! I mean in the past I do recall one fellow suddenly having an interest in art, and saying he draws when it was clearly just BS ( He was friend of Pocohontas' who ASSUMED my modeling then was nude, which in fact it WAS NOT... and he lost interest once he figured that out. It was really annoying actually.)

I did a run of modeling for a sculptor and a couple of painters. While I won't share who, I can at least instead share one of the artists I worked for in the distant past without worry of privacy.

Here is the work of one artist I enjoyed sitting for as she taught a portrait class a few years ago. Antonio Walker actually called me last year and asked me to sit for her in her Waterford, VA studio , however I didn't have a car at the time so that didn't work for me.

It was really wonderful to sit for the recent classes in town a couple of nights a week. It was relaxing, meditative and very centering to be able to contribute to the process of the artists creating something beautiful. Maybe I did already write of this? Sometimes I forget....
I am tired now after reading some poetry.

I needed poetry after seeing Blues for Mr. Charlie.

It made me heartbroken, seriously just wrecked emotionally in a way I was not anticipating- in a deeply moving , profound and good way... albeit painful.

The experience was so very intense for so many reasons I am too tired to ruminate over just now.

I have been nostalgic, and missing Buffalo as one outcome of seeing that show.

I feel a bit disconnected to the culture of where I live now in a real way.
I feel like there is not enough art around...

Where are the poets?
Where is the music?

Yet I HAVE found the artists, and the music. It is all around, and of course when one finds the music one finds the poets.

They have to be here, as they drive cars to offices and work during the day then go home to take care of families and suburban plots

They are just well hidden behind such mirages and facades that they sometimes mistakenly think of as their meaning, forgetting their true purpose.
I have to go to bed.
Tomorrow I look forward to taking care of my home, of my gardens. I look forward to claiming the last harvest of herbs from the community garden, and cleaning up my small plot at home to put bulbs in.
Frost has come visiting at night, but leaves in the morning, melted away with the sun,
and the soil is not yet frozen.

I admidt I was on line too long tonight trying to find out the last name of a dancer I LOVE dancing with. He teaches, and I thought perhaps he is actually a teacher somewhere and I could find out more.

He told me to go to a specific place one Friday night to dance. I just looked it up to find out more. It is a Mexican restaurant. I didn't go, as it is rather far, and I would much prefer if he invited ME in the particular more directly. Not just "OH Come here on Friday" I want him to say "Will you meet ME on Friday?"

The first evening I met him and danced with him, a wonderful lady I dance with often who is there often actually noted we hit it off and she was saying to him "Get her phone #" and we both kind of didn't respond to her encouragement. Funny however that SINCE then I have been hoping he WOULD express interest. I was skeptical and didn't know if she was just trying to dissuade possible interest that he had in HER, or if there was some other self interested motive for her to encourage him! However , it is just likely she noticed we hit it off. He has such a beautiful smile and we always dance together when he is there. However I think what may have dissuaded any interest on his part is that the Sicilian I did date a few times showed up that time, and then to be honest I couldn't think that well. (I mean I went from being a pretty good dance partner to not being able to THINK AT ALL, and not being able to follow his lead!)

It was rather funny. I am SO GLAD to have gotten over THAT ! I did have a nice chat with the fellow who it turns out was playing at a winery last Fri night and invited me to come hear. I was out of town. He filled me in on an intense past few weeks during which he got together with his brothers former girlfriend! ( YES he was seeing the girl who had been seeing his brother!) We had double dated with them when I met him early on. I stayed away..... and she apparently did not!

I knew something was up as he brought her out dancing one night. I just kept dancing and paid little attention, gave him his space, and was doing my own thing as I really was choosing NOT to have a relationship with him. It was clear he was into me, but would respond if I initiated, but would let it fizzle out if I did NOT. That was obvious to me...

So I didn't follow through and let it die...

It was interesting how that played out.
He is in the midst of the drama in his family as he told his brother of the relationship and why the girl dumped him. His bro was turning to him and baring his soul, and he told him it was HE that captured the girl's interest.

So that was a good choice on my part to avoid being involved, but to maintain the friendship as it IS fun to be able to go out and hear live music and ever so much more fun when friends with someone creating the music!

So I am glad to connect via a call once in a while and happy he invites me to hear him play once in a while.

That is PERFECT as far as the kind of relationship I want with him! Better yet it would be nice to jam a bit. There was a drummer who said he wanted to play with me, but I never followed up and lost touch. Trouble is, I just want someone to sit down and drum with and once again, not sure if that was the only interest of that other dude who used to jam with a musician friend of mine. I think she was in relationship with him however as he suddenly disappeared, and frankly she seemed a bit protective of him at the time. She literally called him inside when he was talking to me, and I was struck by how clear it was that she was in charge in that relationship and found it interesting how when she called he went at the time. There is a drum teacher who I WOULD LOVE to drum with, but his classes are a whole hour away out in Fairfax county, and they happened to fall when I have been working over the summer.

I keep an eye on those... and one day will make it.

There is also a drum teacher out in the Winchester VA area who hosts a drum circle I can't wait to visit. Again, it has been falling when I am busy as it doesn't meet EVERY week but I think only once a month. This month it fell when I was traveling to see Blues for Mr. Charlie.

Back to that....
still think I can't quite write about it now as too tired.
Except to say, that I just dozed and had a weird dream like thought
that I was saying , or maybe it was James Baldwin saying...yes it was in his voice...
"I think everyone should see this play, black or white or whatever "

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