2016-05-02 - 10:00 p.m.

I am fascinated by a compliment which I have received over and over again at work from my team members:

"Wow you have a great memory!"

YES

I have been consistently hearing what a great memory and attention to detail I have because I consistently know how to find things, and recall conversations in detail and am able to provide direction for our group when everyone else can't remember how to do something we worked on months ago.

This fascinates me as I believe that my work experience both in the present AND in the work I did for the over five years as a contract manager in a large Fortune 100 company ALSO demonstrated that I have a wicked good memory.

Seriously

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with my memory as I have excellent recall of things I have worked on.

This fascinates me as it is counter to the messages and image I had of myself. I realize that I did have trouble memorizing lines and memorizing Latin verb and have had difficulty with that kind of memory recall. However, it is also fascinating that the memory skills for that kind of learning must be different than the functional knowledge of something WORKED ON. I have no problem whatsoever understanding and recalling content of something I have worked on.

This also fascinates me as it dawned on me today that there is a difference between being absent minded and forgetful and not being able to learn something and WELL , the memory skills in practical, real life daily application.

It just shocks me as I work with a few folks YOUNGER than me and I am the one who recalls people's names, how to pronounce them, specific details about contract content, specific details of how to work in a computer system we work in occasionally (but not every day) so everyone else forgets how to navigate it at first, how to find things in a SharePoint shared drive and other repositorys for information which we don't access daily (so people tend to forget and ask "Msafire, can you help?")

It actually is so great to work in a place where I am not only apprechiated but complimented. TOday this group of woman commented on how great it is that we truly support each other and are all better off as individuals as we work together. I thanked them for the compliments and told them that for years I was told I had no memory and that I think it was an abuse tactic to tell someone that there experience had not happened and to invalidate my experience by pretending it was not real and construing me as crazy. So I thanked them for the observation that I ACTUALLY HAVE A WICKED GOOD MEMORY.

The exact words today were "YOu have an amazing memory!"

I forget now what I had recalled that everyone else forgot...HA HA..

But main point.

It feels great to know I am capable and appreciated, and I feel like it helps me heal to know that some of the attacking of my memory was plain and simple just BS.

What I realized today is that at some point I think I started believing the negative messages I WAS GiVEN EVEN IF THEY WERE NOT TRUE.

I thought for years I was unscathed. But the compliments as I am in a workplace where they acknowledge and appreciate each other and where we work as a team together.

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