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2016-12-19 - 7:59 p.m.

It's amazing how when a person tries to make things better in the world sometimes they then face all sorts of bitter resistance.

I'm not one to remain silent in the face of injustices. That is just not my style. But I also understand and respect temperance of putting up with BS because one is not FINANCIALLY in a position to weather the backlash! I mean the reality is that if one calls attention to injustices in our power structure which might be destabilizing or a threat to the existing paradigm, the person will be attacked and the reality is that most often the most effective way to attack one is ECONOMICALLY.

Its done all the time.

I therefore take pride I just try to BUDGET for bullshit. I take pride that although it was just BS when the school was slamming me with fees for tardys years ago ( BS when the kids were just minutes late) I gracefully PAID them and moved on without bitterness.

So be it.
It is what it is
So the best plan is to SAVE MONEY and BUDGET for such attacks when they come.

So I was happy and expressed it here that I got that work done on my house in OCT. The guy doing the work completed the exterior for which I am very grateful in mid OCT. (He never finished the inside but that is a different issue!) The exterior was done: Painted my porch, replaced the wood and door and transom and it really looks lovely.
I did have to tighten up the screws and pull out my drill and drill a hole in the metal door and add another bolt to the loose handle as in the end he did a halfway done job...
but ce la vie... the EXTERIOR was done and that was the REAL priority as
a. I want it to be nice and
b. I want the HOA to be pleased I met their criteria of fixing the rotted wood.

I went to the HOA meeting to let them know my plans at the end of SEPT. They told me I had until the end of NOV to complete the work and IF I NEEDED AN EXTENSION to then send them the CONTRACT indicating work to be done.

I said "OH it will be done before then"

And it WAS completed mid Oct (for all intents- as the EXTERIOR was completed and the Interior is not their concern).

So THEN I get some BS letter of "ASSESSMENT" indicating out of compliance In NOV. Not only listing the rotted wood, cutting of bushes (which was done TWICE since they first asked me to do it...once in Spring and again in FALL... now keep in mind I am a MASTER GARDENER for goodness sake who happens to know a thing or two about how to prune bushes very well).

I also get the report of the HOA sent to me, their annual report which shows all their activity. So it was not surprising to me that I AM THE ONLY HOUSE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD they are trying to collect fines for being in "Violation" from.



Now the fact I am not in violation is interesting.
The fact I wrote them a LETTER indicating the work was done and that they were in error ALSO listing a violation of "Bikes stored on front lawn" ( Again BULLSHIT as no one in my family leaves a bike on the front lawn. My neighbor's son happened to do so one week. and BAM they wrote that letter TO ME - WRONG HOUSE! I let the neighbor and the HOA know).

But what is really clear to me is this is a obvious reaction on their part to the fact they were made uncomfortable when THEIR ACTION of mowing EVERY YARD on the block but my next door neighbor's (who just HAPPEN to be the only black family in this neighborhood)was called out on my FB page! It wasn't actually called out by ME but by my friend Pocohontas who was HIGHLY upset by coming over one day in AUG and noticing the two foot high grass on my next door neighbor's lawn. When My son SOREN came to visit the first thing I asked him to do was please just help us out and take our little mower and mow that lawn Which he did. However it was not accomplished until AFTER Pocohontas took a photo of the lawn showing the manicured lawns adjacent.

LAST SUMMER this HOA REMOVED A FENCE my neighbor and friend next door had around her garden and the MOWED HER GARDEN.

She complained
As she should have
It was mean spirited, nasty and frankly I can see no reason anyone would act so vile other than plain and simple racist hatred.

Call it like you see it.

If we don't then such behavior goes unchecked.

Just be prepared that when you do tell it like it is, whether its your kid (like mine did when 6) who announces "I'M BLACK" with pride in an otherwise all white school

OR whether it is saying "I DO NOT CONDONE THIS RACIST ACTION AND THINK IT UNACCEPTABLE that you the HOA choose the one black family's GARDEN to mow down." or whether you are saying

"STOP being afraid of the find Dr. in our town who just happens to be muslim and please stop the witch hunt" when a 90 yr old patient died of a heart attack and he was not able to save him.


"A NOOSE hung in the black fireman's car in Hamilton VA is a TRAGIC ACT of RACISM and not a "prank" "

BE prepared to be VERY PROUD to put your money where your mouth is.

Because those in power want to hit where it hurts most:


I am almost proud as I pay $500 of the "Violation fines" as in an act to be expected the HOA IGNORED my letter and did not reconsider whether I am in compliance.

They instead assessed another $300 violation fines and choose to consider to see a mirage of me still being in violation. (BULLSHIT)

However the HOA rules are they can only bill up to $900 in violations... $10 per day, up to $900.

What the hell.
I will just budget to pay an extra $1000 this year in housing.

And have called TREE OF LIFE.

They can push and be bitter.

That's OK,
I will just divert my grocery budget to pay additional housing and get some temporary help to pay their nonsensical fines.

I did ask Pocohontas to let it be, which she ignored, and I told her I expected them to give me a hard time if she didn't let it be. But to be honest I don't particularly mind her imprudence. Easy to complain when you are not the one that will have to then pay the consequences but it takes great bravery to face issues knowing that it will hurt you in the short term. She posted the picture of the lawn not mowed on MY FB page posing the question of WHY the HOA would be so overtly rude to this one family? She told the story of how they mowed her flowers last year. I added to the comment that the family just happens to be the only black family here and that it is unacceptable to ignore such blatant treating of their yard differently than others and that it does appear to be racism when such happens.
I see Pocohontas as a kind of prophet of sorts. The person who speaks truth and makes us all uncomfortable but in the end we recognize we needed that discomfort in order to grow and heal some of our own flaws. Our own flaws of prejudices wont heal and we won't be better as a society if we continue to ignore them and just band aid them or WORSE pretend that the festering wounds are not there.That philosopher/prophet/fool on the fringes of society who doesn't play by societies normative rules and therefore is not bound by them but lives a life of greater integrity and freedom as a result. That person who has absolutely nothing to lose therefore no need to protect self survival in some paradigm with fear of speaking the truth.

WE need these people in our society who are not of it.

They keep us honest.

The only problem is that I am sick today and I don't have paid time off. No benefits . When I don't work I don't get paid.

No chance I will be better tomorrow and I won't go to the office and get my boss sick. She has a compromised immune system as it is. I am not that selfish.
It will all work out.

I could have worked remotely but it did not work for me. Somehow locked out.

So I slept all day, and had chicken soup and will likely just do so tomorrow on Nyquil tonight and Dayquil Tomorrow. My breathing is labored, and I have a sore throat and fever.

So I need to just rest.

Ce la vie.

So I called Tree of Life for food delivery.

Good news is this month I had money enough to take care of Railin's needs: She has come to live with me full time and she is doing VERY , VERY WELL Thank God!

I take her to the Dr. one a month, a therapist every other week and pick up her prescriptions once a month for a total cost of $575. YES that is $575 a month in medical care for her AND SHE HAS health insurance from her father!

The Dr. does not take insurance but one has to bill the insurance company for reimbursement- something I have NO DOUBT her DAD has done for years.
FOr years he said he didn't want to go through insurance as he didn't want a RECORD of psychiatric care, but then he DID go through insurance for the prescriptions SO that makes no sense to me.

DUMB ME all these years he has taken three girls to this Dr. and claimed paid out of pocket and every year I get a bill of a few thousand (anywhere from two to five thousand dollars in MY SHARE Of their medical expenses) that I then PAY . I cut him a check. He sends receipts.

This year with Raitlin living with me I am paying for her care upfront and we will reconcile all this come tax time.

The Dr. told me we can file claims DUH OF COURSE


I am not going to put it past my EX that for years he is double billing for those medical appts. Billing ME and billing his health insurance.

But at this point that is on HIS Conscience.

I know him too well to believe he HAS NOT filed claims. He clearly would have thought of that.

So this year I need to demand a copy of the INSURANCE paperwork clarifying what they paid BEFORE I cut any check.

I swear he played me and I let him by falling for his BS and believing his crap and TRUSTING him.

He takes advantage of that trait of mine- that I trust what he says.

MAYBE , just MAYBE I am mistaken and he REALLLY thinks a record of psychiatric care from a Dr will be more damaging to future possibilities for his kids than records of mood stabilizing anti-psychotic drugs for them.

But somehow I don't buy that. It doesn't seem credible to me.

Sometimes he says truly dumb things and I wonder if he really believes them. Things like his health insurance won't cover therapy (IT does). Or things like We can't find a psychiatrist that takes his insurance (there are a few- in fact closer to us right in our town.)

The only reason I paid the $200 out of pocket fee to maintain her Dr. is that Raitlin IS DoinG WELL with him and he has cared for her FOR YEARS and he understands her family dynamic, he knows her DAD and understands him, and he gets me so I think those factors are VERY IMPORTANT in her treatment and care.

All the kids are doing very well. The oldest putting all their energy into creating art. My oldest wrote an OPERETTA. It was remarkable and very well received. She hopes to work for an Opera company but for the short term is auditioning to sing with a Orchestra Choir and work to save money to move to the city of her choice. I am so very proud of her and hope her audition goes well. Surprised she is auditioning for voice and not violin but proud of her.

I wonder if the SCARY Clown trend is not also to be expected in today's society. Clowns are that Shakespearean fool, prophet, who actually professes some simple wisdom. Its in society's interest to maintain status quo to ensure those voices are not heard. Times when issues are being stirred up seem to be the times that those on the fringes become most threatening.SO it seems timely that there was this trend of discrediting the clown, one who's mission is to spread joy, with that strange perversity that occurred months ago.

Ce la vie... we are past the scary clown trend. The paradigm of a clown being present to bring joy is back I think.

Joy will prevail in the end.

I can't wait until next SPring when my neighbor's bulbs emerge.

In a beautiful moment she exhuberantly told me in early Fall that she found a present her man got for her and hid in the back of the closet. He bought her boxes of bulbs so she could plant her garden.

She and her daughter put those bulbs in , and in the Fall the flowers will emerge again.

One can attack, but the strong are only emboldened by it.

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