2017-09-04 - 9:48 a.m.

Horoscope today made me laugh as they often do.

In conjunction with a message at mass of

"Ask and you shall receive; knock and the door shall be opened..."

which I joked to the girls was a sign from God to fix the damn front door;

This is also validation to just let my friend Art do that job:

"Sometimes you have to believe -- you know, have a little faith. Scientists provide us with a lot of answers, but you of all people know there's more to life than what science has to offer. And with your intuition, you know that when you believe in something, it's probably true. So when someone unusual comes along with a message, take a step away from your apparent reality, and listen to them."

You see I had a financial plan and all my ducks in a row to take care of certain things:

Teen driver had her first accident

Appointment was set to have the car fixed.

Sometimes we get set in a plan and don't always make the best choices!

After the unexpectedly delightful call from Art who came back into my world and is such a blessing as that week he was happy to have a bit of work and I was thrilled to stop my ridiculously large water bill from the running toilet I had not yet had time to fix (as that required getting to the store and buying new parts); AND Art also pruned my overgrown bushes so that the HOA is likely a bit happier with my effort to make this place up to their standards-

It occurred to me that Art, being a wood scuplturer, carpenter, handy man extrordinare
(his last job was maintenance at a college where he basically did that all - and as typical that ended due to a personality conflict with the man who just happened to be his supervisor...);

could actually fix my front entrance! THAT Front entrance where I hired the dude who took the money and ran...

Picked up that check for $300 and then took off to not come back that day... not once but then twice.

I should have known better to test that guys' strength of will....

but truth be told we had an agreement for him to do the work a little at a time and for me to pay him incrementally as well; as that was all I could afford to do and I really did not want to take out a home improvement loan to go with a contractor charging me five times the quote. (Of course such contractor would have also done the job right... but I would be in extra home debt living beyond means which is something I really try to avoid).

The thing is I didn't over pay the guy for work done. I paid $1200 or $1300 total and that is truly the value of work he completed by the time he took off.

So I was disappointed and a bit sad for him more than me at the time... as I was seeing similarities from the painter named Gary who Westley and I hired years ago on the farm who did fabulous work for us when only paid afterwards; but who acknowledged he really struggled with an addiction and would go some time being able to handle it then have those relapses.

Relapses seemed to happen when cash in hand and a day ahead.

I think they never seemed to happen for him as much when working all week and just having earned that wage. Not sure why that is; but something about the self pride of that and the feeling of satisfaction and doing a job well so not stressed?

I also notice this behavior in my old neighbor that when he was in a job he did well and felt really proud he was satisfied. But for him the temptation arose with the stress of someone having MORE expectation of him that demanded him to challenge himself to greater responsibility. IT was the fear of failure and stress of not being able to handle it that I think made him become overwealmed and then escape reality of that expectation with drink.

It was self sabatogue when an opportunity for growth arose.

Fear is such a powerful motivator.

IN the case of the guy who was working on my door that then bailed;
he was starting his own business and doing great until he got one job for a whole basement remodel and he got in over his head.

HE was stressed.
I know those Fridays when he took my check and ran it was not to go do other jobs. It was something else. Because if it was other jobs he would have come back to finish later as he really is that hard worker when he was working.

I also knew if I CALLED HIM he would have come back around and completed the work when able.

But I chose not to call.

That's the thing; shame makes people then stay hidden. But if someone else reaches out to them they often respond.

But in his case I just opted to not call and call it done enough until I found a person to complete the job.

So Art is here in town.
The window of opportunity for me may be short to have his help.

He is job hunting, and temporarily taking pick up jobs while staying at his Dad's until he lands something.

I believe he is more motivated than he has been in a long time because he truly does love his girl he's been in relationship with for five years now.

As he said, if they work out things, he will marry her in the year.

I told him a year ago to buy her a ring and wondered why he was dragging his feet...

He said "She doesn't ACT COMMITTED"

DUH
IF you are both not ACTUALLY committed why would she be willing to invest her all in you and act committed without assurance?

I Know most do..
but she was married before and I surmise a bit more wary than the newly in love young bride to be.

I agree with her concerns about this wonderful Italian and JEALOUS Man.

He says "Don't call me a jealous man, she is a messuse for Christ's sake..."

Funny the air traffic controllers ex who he was still entangled with when my relationship ended ran a spa out in Colorado... and Art's girl runs a spa here in Virginia.

Ancillary and beside the point...

But just because he is supportive of her in her career does not mean he is not struggling with jealousy.

And Jealousy itself can be as damaging to trust in a relationship as actual infidelity!

I am confident they are going to work it out...

So best get my door fixed before Art lands the job he needs for them to get their OWN Place and move on foward in life together.

The thing is, they moved in with the gal's aging mother who really needed the caretaking.

It is a beautiful thing that Art did being willing to do that. He had his own place, met this gal who lived across from him and they fell for each other and she was staying at his place all the time so they decided to get rid of hers. But then after a couple of years living together they moved into her mother's home to be able to care for her.

Then her 19 year old son moved in as well; and well he has his issues of his own ( some of which seem to be signs of addiction problems frankly as Art was telling his girl that her son stole from him. Some collectible coins had disappeared. She defended her son... but booted Art to then discover the reality of son stealing from grandma and her!)

So no wonder they are having some challenges!

I am absolutely POSITIVE this couple loves each other and as am delighted to hear about his girl from Art as I was a year ago when had a race that happened to be in his town and met him for coffee.

I just listen and like then made only one comment; the same one I made last year:

Art, just marry this lady already.

Only disappointment is that when they do wed, I don't think he will invite me to the wedding!

Funny it however was not even too painful to hear.. I mean just a bit of disappointment really ...and I would have thought it would hurt me more... ok was a hurtful as I write and think about this but not in a way of feeling a personal slight as this act was not about me at all...but moreso sadness that there could be jealousy over something from someone's past that was so beautiful and gave the person such joy ( Why do lovers sometimes want to kill the things in life that bring their beloved joy???? Why would a lover NOT WANT their beloved to enjoy to uplifting company of other friends even when they don't KNOW THEM with confidence that they are not threatening to their relationship with beloved? Why does JEALOUSY destroy that ability to share parts of one's past which were often the most important and gave such joy?

In this case the painting reminding of Art's past relationship with me made his girl uncomfortable,That the beautiful painting that was a winner in the juried show about 10 years ago at Gallery 222 called "Lover's Moon" for the "Something Hot" exhbiti was pitched into a fire one day came to me not really as any surprise as it really made her uncomfortable.
As he told me the story I felt no slight and he felt nothing but peace with that right decision he made at that time. It was the past. However it does make it clear Art is not going to allow the opportunity to shift my friendship with HIM
to that of a friendship with THEM as a couple.

HE is just smarter than that as he knows out of respect for his girl it is healthier for THEIR relationship to not give her anything to worry about.

AS I tell people all the time; whether someone's fears are REAL the concerns that are in their mind BECOME a REAL ISSUE so you can't ignore them.

It does not matter whether there is real concern of whether I would respect their relationship or whether I would be a temptation for Art or whether Art himself is a strong enough person to not stray

HE IS WISE to not even open up possibility of such and WISE To not even give his girl reason to worry as SHE IS INFINATELY MORE IMPORTANT that his ten year old friendship with me that in the scheme of things was beautiful but his PAST and not as important as his present and future with her!!

She is offering him so much more than I ever did or could. It just this unique love he found and I think so rare he best value it and hold onto it even if that means (As it ALWAYS REQUIRES) that to have room for that to grow one must clear out space in your life and be choosy about what remains in it and what one lets in your space!

Art did share with me that he doesn't want to make HER WORRY and as he said
"Loose Lips sink ships" and he said he may have already told her TOO MUCH about our PAST relationship.

SO I think he is not necessarily volunteering info about the fact he reached out to me for the support of me as his friend NOW.

I get that as well...

Overarching question is :
Why do lovers sometimes want to kill the things in life that bring their beloved joy???? Why would a lover NOT WANT their beloved to enjoy to uplifting company of other friends even when they don't KNOW THEM with confidence that they are not threatening to their relationship with beloved? Why does JEALOUSY destroy that ability to share parts of ourselves that we MOST want to share with our beloved? It really shouldn't. Some then see that as a reason to end the relationship. However I see that as an opportunity which is why I encourage him to work this out; considering in this case BOTH parties seem to struggle with jealousy I think it is the PERFECT IMAGO Relationship where they each met their match to maximize personal growth and a truly healthy intimate partnership in life.

On a personal note about Me- The irony is that Friday night I had one of the most beautiful evenings in a long time!
I was so happy to finally be HOME the night of the drum circle that is close to home! Its about 30 min west of where I live in a lovely small Virginia town. About 15 min west of where I live happens to be Art's Father's home where he is staying.
So when that occurred to me, I called Art to let him know I planned on going to the drum circle and encouraged him to join me.

We had a nice time.. Friend calling from Buffalo. Will wrap this up and write more about this later as need to connect with her after some time! SO EXCITED As my bestie from law school is very much in love and engaged to be married.

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