2017-09-09 - 2:32 p.m.
This is good news! Especially as at work this month I take over reconciliation of receivables. YES Accounting... its very bizarre to me that I find my self in a financial institution working on financial accounting. BUT boy this makes me feel better about my new job!!
ASTROLOGY email read in taking a break from the hours working on ARts newsletter (yes it REALLY Takes me a ridiculous amount of time STILL....) away from a national park where I am camping, as sitting in town Burger King using the WiFi.
Here is the good omens:
Late this evening, Mercury (ruler of all communication), marches into a sign that it oversees: logical, analytical Virgo. This aspect demands that you sit up straight and pay attention to the teacher, because the details are important. Yes, you better write this information down in your notes, because yes, this is going to be on the test!
For the next three weeks, everything becomes more precise. Dealing with the fine points comes easily, and you're a natural with numbers and calculations. You're also great at problem-solving and critical thinking, and you don't have time for chit chat or trivial nonsense.
I finally broke down and ordered a new laptop which is making the drafting of newsletter for arts org easier. They bought an IPAD and it will be great for marketing but not either the newsletter OR the web site management! IT will be useful for its media creation capability- video and picture taking ability and for us to use it at shows to run ticket purchases but it proved not practical for managing web site. Just cumbersome and not as easy for me to manage as a laptop. SO thankfully when visiting family in FL while I had to work my one brother the teacher in China was in town and happy to find me a decent laptop that I then ordered.
Three weeks ago I did get to work from Fl while visiting family there.
SO glad I took Raitlin (who I am thinking of as the more Irish looking of the two youngest of my children...so think that had to be her fake name???) Anyway.... glad I took Raitlin and I to FL to visit family before Irma visits!
They are now all gathered in Orlando at my oldest brother and sister-in law's home. They have evacuated Vero Beach and we all hope it fares well.
I know for a fact my Dad does not have flood insurance!
I think he figured saving and self insuring is better if you can... or I don't know...
but not surprised based on my belief the whole insurance industry is one I find questionable in theory.
But in practice for some reason the thing that perplexes me is that in my paranoia
I mean really??
Yes I have it....
and now that I am full time I also found myself insuring myself to the hilt.
I mean I do have six kids...
So I just felt like for their sake, regardless of how I feel about Insurance being a scam moreso than a practical thing...
I still felt like If I am to throw money away on dumb things it is not the DUMBEST choice...
In other news the guy seeing in NY who was FREAKED Out the evening I invited him to come visit so soon after seeing him with my kids when visiting NY last night suggested I try to see him
IN TWO WEEKS.
and I asked how many days away (Concerned if enough to catch a cheap flight). Interestingly he seems to be prepared to drive...
HE mentioned something about two weeks ago about how it would be nice to do something for my birthday , which I thought sweet.
He reiterated that with an apology he didn't get it together to come camping this weekend which to be honest is better for me frankly as I in fact do have to get this newsletter out... and I have been for the past two weeks....maybe more... YES SINCE BEING FULL TIME....rather well... neurotic and paranoid..
SEEING Symptoms have not in two years!
So I think for my mental health it is GOOD for me to be in the woods alone most of this weekend.
That might seem counterintuitive but I need time alone to let all that crap COME OUT I think....
NEeded to for my mental health.
Those were both GREAT Days
Its like night and day if I run or if I don't.
I also was glad the gal who warned my not to trust anyone in my group hired into stopped by and we talked.
Her foreboading kinds fed into me getting paranoid and then it turned into me NOT TRUSTING HER.
So I addressed that with her which made me feel somewhat better.
The thing is I am not nuts to have some paranoia at work as there is this underlying knowledge of ongoing pruning and strenthening the tree so NO ONE wants to be the weak branch.
BEing BRAND new and having moments where those there told me to do some things flat out WRONG made me not trust them
It could have been mistakes on their part
But it could have been intentional
So I have to develop a good trusting relationship with co workers and BELIEVE they made mistakes unintentionally
But nonetheless it makes me a bit crazy when that happens.
I have NO PROBLEM when I make a mistake, but if it is at someone else's DIRECTIOn then my paranoia kicks in and I get frankly VERY UNWELL.
I kinda hate when anyone talks ill of co-workers. EVEN IF TRUE I know it makes me then not know WHO To trust. CE La vie...
I just need to get my work done WELL and not worry about the rest.
EXCEPT to know I am cultivating good working relationships with all my co-workers.
I do really like my boss which helps alot!
She's a very inspirational person. She runs her whole company (in addition to this full time job!) It's wonderful to see how she has developed and managed that.
Like many, those who start their own business moonlight while they have a full time job to support it starting the first years (on average I think about seven to become solid - make it or break it!)
She manufactures here product in CHINA and has hired a team of folks to receive it and ship to customers. She is so smart as she knew to grow she had to hire a crew so has a good one.
To me that is concerning. How much growth can one have when they keep doing the same thing and seem afraid of change?
He ASSUMED last night when we were talking I was angry he didn't make it to join me. IT was odd I thought
I really did not expect him to.
Interested he is fine making plans to go elsewhere in two weeks...the same time frame with which I suggested we do something this weekend AND he was overwealmed at the suggestion and did not consider it so I then just figured I needed to go ahead and make plans myself and tell him he is welcome to join me...
But it is not lost on me that the first part of that conversation was that I had a weekend FREE WITHOUT MY CHILD after I drop her off so I can go anywhere in reason...
It was just a nice Opportunity and he was STRESSED in response..
So he is thoughtful but I think fearful and overwealmed and YES aspects of if he is in control of planning he is open to it more...
HE was accused of being controlling in the past and I don't see other signs of controlling behavior MORE signs of
So being in control is one way to alleviate anxiety.
And he seems to have had more time to think about planning for two weeks from now... but when I suggested it two weeks ago was overwealmed.
SO maybe it is just where he is at (in particular I think dealing with his own feelings???)
I can't believe the increase in the tension in my upper back and stress level overall JUST BECAUSE I WAS HIRED FULL TIME
But that is what it feels like- hypervigilance , tension, acutely aware and sensitive...
VERY WEIRD to know in that state.
Its also so weird. I mean for two plus years NO HEALTH Insurance NO FULL TIME benefits and during that time I felt the best I had in years.
Why oh why the moment I have the benefits does THAT Seem to be what created stress?
Well... that and the fact I am in an operations role in a production system our financial markets are affected by....
I somehow first thought SURE I can do this job...
And I am sure pharmacuticals will help too if after this weekend there is not a reduction in the tension of my body and pyche.
Found out my fav dentist is NOT an in network provider for my new insurance.
I KNOW My OBGYN is in network and I hope to God my Psychiatrist I have not seen in years is as well! ( I KNOW I searched I believe I would not have chosen the insurance if she were not but honestly do not remember now!)