Get your own diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2017-11-18 - 2:32 a.m.

WTF Why would a board invite someone to come as a guest and at that meeting circulate the personal contact info for the whole board and allow this stranger to then have it?

Unprofessional and just plain stupid.

On the flip side,

the guest came to pitch an artistic idea.

Frankly I don't really care if he is a nut. We are in the business of allowing all who want to to be able to create art.

Arts for all

And I mean ALL

whether its a fed or a nut
* I joke about the fed part as the guy comes as an artist but is in a suit with an accounting professional background and seems fixated on me being a professional
and inquiring about what I do.

* Who cares who I AM I am on a board which might support you creating your work so why the hell do you want to know if I am a lawyer?

I am NOT and we have too many damn lawyers anyway... and what the hell does that have to do with anything ??

Unless your work is not your own...
In his conversation he also slipped up and out of him mouth came some phrase HE Literally said some word ... like the wrong word... a one word term for running a background investigation on someone I forget what the hell the guy said but it was a term of art in the moment that came out and then he kinda corrected ... seemed like a slip up which when it happened I was thinking

"YEAH I already did that on your name buddy and the guy with your name was 95 and DIED last last july..."
maybe its his son...

But regardless

I am not a lawyer but too damn legalistic so I was irritated when I ran this dude's name the DISCLAIMER on all those FREE tools out there is VERY CLEAR


and I )#@&B@ RESPECT The law and liscensing agreements

in fact that is the only damn thing I care about as we consider producing the work this guy is pitching...



Because We MIGHT technically "employ" him as if we do pay him for any artistic work it entails and employment contract essentially.

SO yeah didn't get far in MY Background check of this dude.
I just find it curious he seems to be trying to ingratiate himself to each of us.
Maybe he is legit
Maybe just an artist full of passion to create his work.

SO then just DO IT. Stop trying to talk to everyone about it...
When you have 40 min of music send us the sheet music and we can VOTE as a board if we are going to support providing a venue and the support of a call for auditions with a conductor and help facilitate bringing it to life.

It's just not THAT HARD
We pick a date
you do the work of rehearsing and being ready to play
and I then do the marketing.
And people come and you are happy and they are happy and some are even moved to tears....

FEW MIN VENT.. AND I did it again RANTED And vented and got this stress out.. them came back to add one thing and repeated thoughts in the continued rant ... so the below is more of the same..

I am just cranky tonight... woke up it the middle of the night as took this random call ( THOUGHT IT WAS A FRIEND Who has a MD # ) and it was from this STRANGER On my cell phone last night as I was driving home from work around 7pm ish.

It just freaked me out as this guy did send us music and I already have been trying to run my own background check

MAINLY AS concerned about liscensing to be sure the music isn't pirated from some video game before we as a board produce a work of it.

* If it is from a video game I would need to find out who owns the copywrite and pitch a nice letter to them saying

"Hey we have a dude who seems to believe this is his.... can you just give us the rights to support arts for all and let us produce a live show of it being played ... out of good will please allow us to have a group of musicians perform variations of this live for a moment"

IT will make him HAPPY
IT will create beauty and joy

and you will SUPPORT THOSE With mental illness..

so be kind and play along please?"

SO what does it matter I can't legit use all those FREE Tools to find out who the hell this dude ACTUALLY IS

Cause if he is a nut I can STILL MARKET and pitch the idea legit of him creating his vision of his work coming to life
and make the dude happy and productive

Frankly I am FINE with that....

HE might be who he says he is-

His work might NOT really be copped off some video game....

My frustration is that I got an email from the guy at a personal email

and a phone call on a personal cell

Hate to be rude and be like


but its true

I don't use my cell phone
and if a fucking stranger calls and I had the idiocy of picking up I am then inclined to unplug the thing and NOT CARRY IT with me.

SO @(%@^%@

Maybe I will just "lose" the damn thing ....

IT might make me feel better... to have "misplace" it for a bit.

Cause I know technology is not freaking free of all sorts of capability.

I shouldn't really worry cause we are in business of ARts for All

So short of the guy doing something literally insane in a performance...

I told the guy Just create your work Send it to our program director when COMPLETED enough to gather a group of musicians and work it and be ready to present it in performance.

Its just not that complicated
He is overthinking it. Calling everyone for input as to what we want

We want nothing but to support artists

AND ACTUALLY the crazier the better.... crazy artists who can't function in the mainstream world but who can create beauty....

Come... and show us your work and we can possibly give you a space for a time in a moment where your artistic vision can shine and be acutalized.

SO YES Come to our org come to our group

and we can support you.

But DON'T CALL my personal cell phone that I don't really use AND HATE FUCKING CARRYING AS IT IS....and the personal email I DON"T READ as in like almost ever...

and now am less inclined to !*#$&! DAMN

since some stranger was given it.

YEAH so that happened
I told they guy
We all have issues- I don't use email when he suggested sending me stuff by email

Told him I won't open it

But he can continue to work on his art and send the completed thing to our program director and SHE will vet it to us.

HE acted like he wanted another point of contact and I said NO She is it She vets stuff to us.

I am writing HERE JUST IN CASE it is someone who wants to know more about me- LETS CUT TO THE CHASE and then you can leave me alone, OK? ( Just a bit paranoid... thus my motivation to support those with mental illness.....LOL)

I am smart and capable and do my job damn well

AND YES @(##&^!^ PARANOID when it comes to technology

CAUSE I MARRIED A HACKER who tested emergent technology
and was rather ugly in divorce.

Not hard to understand.

So just leave me alone.


Hacker girl of mine just LOVES the Cyberpatriot group she competed in.

SO glad got her involved in a group where she uses her mad skills for good.

I call her hacker girl but she really has mad security skills and has been using them for Anti hacking. (At least some of the time. I have no idea what she does the rest of the time other than gaming and listening to music like most teens.. dark web activity is beyond me so frankly I have no clue... but rather sure nothing she is up to is nefarious and she is just a ..wait what was the new funky term older sib used.. I Was going to say she is a normal teen BUT To correct myself ,
THAT right , she is allative non neurotypical teen which made me laugh the first time I heard it... who likes to geek out with computers playing video games, learning to program, studies Japanese because of her fascination with those magna comics...
and is generally geeky. She has graduated from Harry Potter and then Dr. Who obsessions.

So in good news, this geeky child of mine
competed on a team with four people and like a brilliant kid on the spectrum afterwards could tell me the # of points SHE Earned but had no idea what the aggregate team points were OR how they actually did as a team in the competition.

She just knows she has to go do it again in a few weeks....
this kid cracks me up.

She was informed as I asked , that her TEAM Did exceptionally well.

The kid got 89 points out of the team aggregate of 181.

I am glad she found this passion as I don't HAVE TO worry about what she is doing ! She is learning mad skills and applying them for good....


Securing our virtual world....

I just care about securing my REAL WORLD

so for my own sanity and security !9%@*) using technology but for to vent here

and for marketing.

That is the irony

I do marketing and have to say am not bad at it.





*The board did buy me a device,

I made the mistake of deferring research as to what tool to get and its actually really crappy for what I do...
but nonetheless..
doesn't have great capability for web design...

YEAH so there is that.
I hate @3@%& Technology
but I work on it all damn day
and in my volunteer work.


OR I am freaking paranoid.

WHEW NOW I should be able to go back to sleep....

OH but will add that when I was derailed by this unexpected cell phone call I actually literally said to the guy as he was inquiring about what we are looking for in work

" Just don't go set yourself on fire ..." ( I meant in the midst of a performance art piece.... was thinking I suppose of reading of some of the more dramatic performance art of late...)

YEAH I said that

I basically told him " Create your art. We don't really CARE What you it doesn't MATTER if we all like it. We are a very diverse board....well , a bit diverse in some ways...heck true we are all SUBURBAN... but nonetheless, I can't see it possible you will offend the sensibilities with your work and frankly you might find us more open minded than you are worried about " then I told him someone just told me they are going to see Diamanda Galas and I said I just listened to her never having heard of her... Whatever you create if it serves YOU WELL And you are happy someone will come and it will bring them joy
It will be theraputic and beautiful for SOMEONE... Heck some like Ozzy Ozborne..

We don't really care what it is you create and whether we like it is just irrelevant as the board is likely to support YOUR WORK and YOUR VISION
whether we like it or not.
That is really the whole point of art for all. SOMEONE Will like it and our point is to offer a venue for work specifically to be created by those with disabilities. Its really just that simple.

So just create it.

Now really off to sleep....

Just a !#(%@& PTSD Damn Trigger tonight basically.... but a moment. Yes just a moment. And its over. and done. Now back to sleep. OH one last thing- in good news the call DID remind me of some marketing work I needed to do, and BEFORE I went to bed did come home and spend my Fri night accomplishing that. WHEW... something from my TO Do off my plate... so I really should be grateful for the call. The moments of anxiety are honestly not that bad, I just rant through them and then they are over. Back to bed. Need rest as this weekend is being spent taking college bound girl on college visits. I love doing this actually ! So look forward to it, time with the child one on one before she goes off in a year into the world. She is a cool kid. Smart kid. She was happy her SAT score arrived today and it was almost 100 points higher than last time taken. I am encouraging her to go wherever the hell she wants. And as always my advice is the same "don't let your parents even SEE your college essay" LOL It will be nice if after the fact she chooses to share it. I still recall reading my son's and finding is so incredibly beautiful and moving. Likewise the oldest daughter's. But parents should only see those essays AFTER The fact IF the kid wants to share and if the parent REALLY wants to know who their kid ACTUALLY Is and if they can love and accept their kid for who they actually are! Sad but not all parents actually fit that description ironically. Folks by 18 I really think your job is done and its no longer really very possible to shape and mold your kid.... you did it already and need to now be open to letting your kid become who he or she is meant to be. Not sure why that is so hard for some... Some don't even know how to let other adults be who they are.... comes full circle. Thus why I have these PTSD moments at all in the first place. CE la vie... for me it was not my parents but a SPOUSE and not even my first hubby but the SECOND who could do such a number on me... amazing. So yeah, I don't even WANT to read my kids college essays UNLESS they want me to. That is REALLY important to me. CRITICAL I think to them that they KNOW they can be themselves in my home. This is their home. its their safe space. In good news years have gone by and I get the sense that is ALSO TRUE of THEIR HOME WITH THEIR DAD. I truly believe that. Hacker girl even went there lately and enjoyed it and is willing to go back. So that is the other good news of the past year. Healing of that relationship with her hacker father. So that is Good!

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at!