2017-12-30 - 1:10 a.m.

I went out to hear music tonight. The thing I prefer to do when going to listen to music happened: I had the gift of going alone!

Not that I don't enjoy company of others, but when listening to music I honestly prefer going out by myself. Kind of like when going dancing I prefer to go out alone. For me, both are activities which I want to fully immerse myself in and I don't do to be social per se. Social interaction that occurs is often nice, but both hearing good music and dancing are for me intensely personal, and frankly very theraputic.

One really doesn't want an audience when in therapy.

Good Lord,
tonight was the most bizarrely intense evening.

First of all, I should back track and mention that a very nice lady I work with has been asking me to go out with her after work sometime -- well for some time....
Since before my old boss retired in June,
Since Last Fall I think actually, we have chatted at work and my old boss and she and I talked of possibly getting together sometime.

In fact I did bring her dancing once! The exception to me liking to go dancing alone is in fact when others want to go take the Latin dance class and then dance afterwards. That is SUPER fun to bring friends to! So I should qualify that... I hate bringing a DATE to a Latin dance place! It just is not a good date night as totally cramps my style and it is truly hard to get into a really good dance groove then. But if out with a group of friends and not expected to be engaged with any one of them all night- well that is different. THEN I can find the dance partners who are on par or better than me and rotate dancing with good dancers all night.

Dancing is very much also like hiking. I prefer to do that solo unless I find a well matched partner who enjoys the same pace and distance! OR running...

So perhaps in fact I am more of an introvert than I or others realized?

A bit quirky that way...

So my co-worker and I finally did get together after work for a drink as she has been suggesting. She picked the spot last Fri, and as we got off work early for the holiday we went out at 4:30. We sat at the bar of a resterant she picked in the town we work in and ordered happy hour food specials.

I heard a jazz band was playing at 7:30. I did not want to be out that long, in particular as we have a brand new puppy!

YES We have a new member of our family, an adorable little dog who is 17 weeks old now.

(I could write tons about her but will refrain for the time being and finish this story.)

So we end up enjoying our visit chatting away, and it was already 6ish...
getting close to the music...
I was so ready to leave but my friend wanted just one more drink. I was hesitant but she had one glass of white with food and took one sip of the warm mulled wine I had ordered earlier and really wanted a glass of that. She spaced her drinks and was slowly enjoying them so it was around 6 when she asked if I minded staying for a bit more for her to enjoy a mulled wine.
I tried to hide the bit of nervousness at being gone too long....and said "of course not"

(LOL I was tense... nervous about new puppy and girls at home.... I don't get around much anymore but for work!) ; and it was the longest I would have been gone from the house since we got the dog the Sunday before that Friday so I was concerned about how long she could go without being brought outside to take care of her business. ( And concerned how long the girls attentiveness to her would last...)

But then I realized that the jazz would start soon. so how could I say NO?

I think I relaxed just at the THOUGHT Of hearing live jazz!

I thought I was NOT going to miss that opportunity as it has been SO LONG since I heard good live music.

( I did hear some in Pittsburg over the summer, but was tempted to go Baltimore one weekend just to hear a jazz band about a month ago!)

Well I tell you, my friend finished her mulled wine and then we went into the room where the music was playing and it was just remarkable.

I was blown away with emotion by how touched it made me to stand there and watch this man play the double bass.

I had that day heard on the radio , The Christian radio station actually, a question posed "IF you could get the best Christmas gift for someone, regardless of cost, what would it be."

I immediately thought " the double bass"
I had the opportunity to do exactly that and I thought it would be difficult to ever think of something which is as good of a gift as that had been years ago.
So the thought of that just overwealmed me with such emotion.

THEN I heard this band play and it really moved me to tears. I did not expect that reaction. I did not think that particular music would hit such a visceral cord in me.

It has happened before when I hear live jazz but somehow this was so very beautiful to me.

So I stayed for about a half hour then left.

But before I left I thanked the singer, and had a chat with her to find out she had performed in my very neighborhood just this year.

I of course went home and ran a google to find out who her accompanying band members were. BOY Were they DARN GOOD! In particular the bass player moved me.

So she told me they were coming back THIS Fri and my friend and I agreed we would go.

Well, My friend cancelled as she had plans with her hubby.

That meant I could go out alone, and boy oh boy

It was just CATHARTIC

In the most wonderful yet unexpected manner I feel very wiped out as if I just had an intense psychotherapy session.

Band played SO What?

The bass player later said, when I asked what the name of that song was and he told me and I said "OH OF COURSE!", "We should have played it slower"

OH no, I am glad they didn't I think that would have undone me to an exent I am not yet ready to handle.

Seriouly it was intense enough but slower, the way Miles played that song, would be just too much for me just yet...

So much dormant was awakened and it was both intense and surprising and almost overwealming. But not quite...

WOW...

So What?

WOW It just struck a nerve and hit this memory. What a trigger. I felt like I was transported back in time for a period. IT was like muscle memory, just the subconcious awakened with familiarity yet I could not recall the name of the song when it played.

It was So What...

YEah so it hit me intensely.

WHEW

So What???

I would not have

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