2018-02-25 - 9:06 a.m.
What if the drummer I met just got it wrong?
What if I also got it wrong?
I was so excited he referred me to the best teacher in Washington DC, but am thinking perhaps the guy I met is lacking truly just one thing to actualize HIS Goals and Dreams:
He is a trained , educated musician and YES TEACHER. He has taught! He had students! He LOVES doing that. He however could not live on that (understandable as it is damn hard to build a brand and a business).
But just because someone is not good at building a brand or business, it does not mean he is not meant to be a teacher of what he loves.
Likewise some who DO build a brand and business I think are STILL NOT MEANT To be the ones running the business and doing all the labor necessarily... if there is no time for ANYTHING ELSE IN LIFE there is no balance.
I think to be successful and have true balance and room for other things in life one has to identify their gift and do what they love or are really good at and then GET HELP And support and outsource what they can.
OH YES it was fantastic drum circle and YES more like the kind of teaching I had which I have been looking for... BUT. Before I structure my time to fit in going to DC to study with this drummer. WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY WHAT A GIFT!!
SO some have trouble then after that intensity of experience with boundaries I think. Its an understandable problem.
I mean I say I play djembe and as some have said "OH djembe players smoke a lot of pot" to which I raised an eyebrow and perhaps said something like ' NO more than lawyers and teachers...' TRUTH or Bankers... they all just HIDE that better!!
Truly there is a huge difference between the actual MUSIC And traditional rhythmn and playing with trained musicians who are playing for DANCERS than the hippy drum circle. I have been looking for that kind of teacher, because I know the difference and I get more out of drumming with one who can teach me something.
So this is on my mind as I did enjoy getting lost in pursuit of the teacher, finding the teacher and joining the class as he was very welcoming.
I was struck by the beauty of a necklace the drummer I met made and wears, and how for him it is a reminder of his priority in life. He has an absolutely georgeous gold djembe he wore on a chain the night I met him. He has its photo as his image on FB as it is a core of who he identifies as his SELF. It is what he LOVES. It was a defining epiphany moment when he discovered djeme and for me one of the most wonderful stories to hear was HIS.
It his story so as always don't share it here- not mine to tell.
But it resonated with me and his story is still unfolding.
And the thing it brought to mind was the African necklace I HAVE . The one I bought when I was looking at a table at my college where there was a vendor that came in one day when they had a celebration of African culture. The jewelry maker there had a table full of beautiful African jewelery. (I forget where he was from in particular.) The vendor watched me look at all the items on display.
He then thoughtfully said to me with intent seriousness.
" I have the piece for you. It is calling out to be yours"
Now I was a college student at the time. This was at my actual college where I was hearing the African Drums played and experiencing watching the dance for the first time (amazing to me as it was much later I took up both dance and drumming). It was some group on campus I had no involvement in. It was a moment.
It was when I presumed I was going to finish school and then go onto law school so sure of my path in life. I WAS at the time working with Senagale refugees; I was at the time volunteering at Vive. I was at the time SO SURE I would be an immigration lawyer devoted to a career working with refugees, and other business immigration work to pay the bills and support my avocation in life!
So I wasn't disconnected to that community completely, therefore the beautiful jewelry really did appeal.
But the man pulled out a piece unlike the gems and braided items I was looking at and said
"This is the fertility goddess"
You are to have this one
I asked increduloulsy "Really?" and with skepticism took the necklace.
I think I thought he was a bit dotty perhaps.. as he did go on and to be honest I don't think I was paying attention with belief as he kept talking with conviction about how I was going to mother children... I think he may have said something like "African Children" which at the time made me sure he was just a bit crazy. He was rather insistant that was the necklace for me.
I dug up the necklace and wore it on Thursday. Just as a reminder NOT to go to DC to dance.
You see the drummer goes to drum with the dance classes on Thursdays.
Truth be told I love drumming , and I have been seeking a drum teacher for years.
Yet I came to drumming REALLY as a way to connect with my husband at the time. I wanted to be able to sit in and PLAY during those jam sessions. I wanted to be able to collaborate creatively WITH HIM at the time.
I wanted to sing with him
and of course, at the root of it all , my first love even before music and even before the love of drumming was the love of DANCE.
I ALWAYS will dance.
I danced when he first played and I heard him.
I spent Saturday mornings in Papa's home with a handful of students. Three or four of us max. I still know their names Marcy who played tennis first and came to drum in her tennis outfit who was at that time the older woman (LOL She is about the same age I am now); and the Psychiatrist by profession full time , musician part time who continued to play and because a good drummer in his own right over the years. I can find him and see what he has worked on since. Those were the other two regulars. On ocassion someone else might join us.) Then there were the drum circles...
But I had to remind myself of my priorities and not overdo it. I need my sleep first and foremost.
The drummer who said he would happy to bring me on Thu nights when he goes I think envisions I would watch.
I know better.
If I go I know I will dance. I know that I will be welcomed (I got that sense when visiting and being welcomed to jump right in and play).
I also know I am a better dancer frankly than drummer. It is my first love.
But now my primary love is for my kids.
So NOW my resources of TIME and ENERGY and YES MONEY need to go to their needs.
Its only a few short precious years before they are not here with me! Before they go out into the world!
More to be done to prepare them for their journeys.
So now my priority truly is MUSIC THERAPY for two of them.
Judges are not supposed to comment so ..
kind of excited utterance she also got when she auditioned acapella for another arts program last year she was gifted with acceptance to.
She has a gift.
AND She ALSO HAS CONFIDENCE.
about that ability to sing.
Something I hope to instill in my other kids as well, and hope to help her with in other aspects of life.
She needs that success as there is so much self doubt inherent in her that I understand and see.
Is now the time?
OR Was not just the time to meet the right teacher??
Maybe now is the time for the connection but not yet ripe for the time of the teacher student relationship?
I am open to possibilities.
But the choice if I have means and it IS TIME
as there is NO WAY I have energy to go to DC for BOTH
seems really clear to me.
THEN and only then would I be even ready to consider going on Thu nights as a drummer to support the dancers.
Oh that is so very appealing..
opportunity to grow and learn and do that which I love.
BUT THE EASIER would be go and dance.
That is of course also so very attractive for a number of reason of course.
Such a hard, hard choice as one can not do BOTH at the SAME TIME!!!
They are both physical in different ways. They both provide a work out and stress relief and leave me in a place of peace.
Well, I will figure it out.
The house is finally waking up. Time to spend with girls, and the dog and go take my walk in town (or drive if too rainy) to plaster it with posters for the art org. I so love.
They might just perfer other things however... and if so... so be it.
Its my thing.
They all said at times They WANTED TO BE but thought it was not supported due to living in two different houses. They felt they could not commit. Too complicated...
If not, I need to focus energy on what their interests are. I can guide but won't PUSH my children into being involved in MY INTERESTS.
Rather I try to listen and support that which they love and offer opportunity for them to discover what that is.
And most of all
SPACE and TIME to explore.
I think that is the hardest part as a parent:
Its so damn hard.
In particular it gets very lonely at times during teen years.
But that is NORMAL and part of healthy growing up! They just don't find it cool to hang with mom. So my emotional well being can NOT be dependent on my children! See some parents (really single parents) who I think struggle with that and who don't develop enough healthy adult relationships and expect their children to meet their emotional needs.
So I am mindful not to do that. The hard part is because of the priority of the teens- I need to just BE PRESENT.
So it leaves little time for other relationship development.
Just these few more years where my separate personal life mandates my interaction with others is the kind that I read recently describing a maladaptive and portrayed as selfish dating behavior of dropping mere breadcrumbs! LOL
I DO THAT
I haven't time for otherwise
Doesn't mean I don't VALUE you as one of my dear, dear women friends who I so apprechiate and love
even though I call you once every six months!
as I wonder sometimes if due to my lifestyle I am only able to actually connect with MEN WHO ARE Self absorbed! LOL who ARE a bit narcissistic...
But MAYBE just MAYBE that is why over time then I have found myself in relationship with the LIAR or the CHEATER or the disingenious dishonest man, the NON COMMITTAL.
I just am committed to my kids at this point in time... and haven't found anyone I both TRUST and AM ATTRACTED TO that I could let into my world to a greater extend. Letting someone in to a lesser extent always means in the end I have to let them go (if I can't offer more and they deserve more OR VICE VERSA!)
So off to loving my kids.
They are my commitment and priority.
So this week I dug up my necklace and wore it under my shirt. The one of the African Fertility Goddess.
To remind me NOT to feel this great urge to go off and dance in DC on Thu night... as much as I wanted to.