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2018-02-28 - 10:56 p.m.


My absolutely wonderful daughter who is college bound in Fall is receiving a number of very good scholarship offers.

The thing is, even with a $40 K a year scholarship, if a school costs $69 K total after tuition, room and board and incidentals are all factored in (travel to and from home etc.)- well, then it is still not affordable. So the school that had been her #2 Choice is not being considered any more. They did not offer enough scholarship money- oh in fact they did not admit her! THat was it- she did not get accepted but rather a deferred acceptance of some sort? Kind of like a wait list? I forget the nuances... but something like waiting to see grades? Not yet admitted? So clearly they are not competing to try to convince her to attend their school , so clearly no money is coming from them so its not on her list of considerations any more.

Her #1 of all choice , I think actually until she visited the school she may go to, is in fact one she was not able to visit while it was open and one she only visited over a long weekend while there were no students around... yet it was still on her list as first choice in large part due to proximity.
BUT she has not even HEARD BACK From them!! THIS is a very highly selective school. They were also waiting for recent grades and tax docs from both parents... etc...
They had their own financial aid form and application rather than the common application and the common financial aid form many schools use.

So she got all her ducks in the row for that one later than the others. I don't understand why even though she said it was her first choice school she handed in the application LAST. She pushed the deadline! She did say it was because she was so busy getting the other applications in on time. She did get it in on time but I did try to encourage her to get it in early thinking scholarship money would already be allocated if she waited longer. CE la vie... that was the small bit of advice I gave her in this process she is handling herself. The added value of her Dad is that he told her she needed to create a spreadsheet to map out costs and scholarships and compare each of the schools she applied to.
GREAT idea! She has been tracking the metrics as the scholarship offers came in.

Its so exciting to watch her have such awards being granted and have such options before her. Its wonderful to see her get the recognition that she is a very special young lady who is not only a good student but a great person that a few colleges really want to join their community.

So on average, she received $37 K a year in scholarship money from three different schools. Her final list of schools she applied to included eight schools. A couple tougher ones to get into, a few out of state to consider options, a couple state school just in case the small private which is more the size she would like did not offer enough scholarship money to make them feasible.

There is one small private school which is offering enough scholarship money, that after a couple thousand a year from each of her parents (as at this point I can do that- I did just get a decent raise and feel my job is solid), this particular school will leave her with $11K a year to come up with. She believes that is worth it for her to work and try to get loans to go there.

So it is looking like that particular private college is going to be it! School size:2000 students; They offered her admission to the honors program (which only has 45 students in the whole school program), includes a private dorm for those kids- kinda a school within the school with their own unique social events etc. (I remember my college did a nice job with that kind of honors program. Hey they had the best parties ! They had the PUN PARTY! Honors English nerds trying to outdo each other by coming up with the best pun costumes at the party held at the hippy professor's farm house!) She received a notification yesterday of an additional scholarship... oh and come to think of it, she also still has a vocal audition for their fine arts program scholarship if she sings chorus so that is yet another scholarship which may help make it more manageable.(No doubt she will be accepted into that and get that scholarship as well frankly. This is a kid who went to the governor's school regional program in voice and has been all district and all chorus many times. She was alternate for all state... so a very talented singer).

So I have checked out the most essential things at this college likely to be the one for her:

Counseling Services YES!!!! THEY ARE AVAILABLE!!! ( I actually advised her last week that prior to making her final decision to look at what counseling is offered at each of the possible schools on her short list! This was after a conversation in which she expressed displeasure after a fight with her sister when I said to "Please be forgiving and try to be patient with her" and then said how I am doing my best and will be getting more support for her sister soon enough... to which her jealousy was expressed, and anger, and resentment that the resources all have had to go to the difficult child whereas she gets the short end of stick so to speak because she is the GOOD KID without problems so it seems. But she is resentful as she DOES have problems! She DOES yearn for help and I said I just had to tend to the more critical need- had to triage... and she dramatically told me many times SHE WANTED TO KILL HERSELF TOO... I said "YES BUT..." I mean how do you say...but there I said it "YES BUT There is a DIFFERENCE as somehow although you suffered and I know you have struggled , somehow I just KNOW you are going to be OK and I KNOW it is not fair but I KNEW your sister(s) were just NOT OK and might NOT be OK!)

I knew when she was in the woods so to speak. I am glad to not have been overconfident in my ability to read the mental wellness of my kids so my judgements have not been off as to who and when critical intervention has been NECESSARY. I WISH could proactively get them all help more ...
but as I told her

"PLEASE Don't blame me and resent me. YOU HAVE NOT LIVED WITH ME FULL TIME so it was impossible for me to do more"

I did bring this kid to therapy now that I think about it... just for a short time, but she didn't want to continue. She didn't care for the counselor.

So the irony is I made an appointment to bring two teens of mine for an intake evaluation for music therapy and one is furious with me for making the appointment, and I have this teen furious for me that I am not offering that opportunity to her but am bringing her two other sisters and NOT her!

The third (who I am bringing)acted indifferent today when I talked to her about it. (Considering how she came home while I was working from home and was yelling at me because when she called me at 3:55 and asked me to send an email to the school so she could take a bus home to a friend's and I could not manage to do so at that exact moment and was very dramatic about this "Failing" of mine... she will benefit I am sure!)

BUT BACK To the web site of the likely college for my now senior;
It says:

"All currently enrolled full-time students are eligible for our services, which include:

Personal counseling for individuals and couples. Our goal is to provide short term services. Students needing long term care may be referred off campus.
Group counseling on topics such as: Transitioning into and out of College, Social Skills, LGBTQ+ support and Emotional Regulation.
Let's Talk-- Informal, drop in counseling for students new to counseling who have questions about counseling and/or have a quick question or concern.
Consultations to family and friends as well as RC faculty/staff.
On call coverage for campus emergencies.
Drug/alcohol and health education- including Reality Check and Let's Be Blunt group sanctions for substance use violations on campus.
Outreach- including presentations on Stress Management and Healthy Relationships to the campus community and coordinating the Out of the Darkness walk for suicide prevention for both campus and off campus community members.
Referrals for medication management or to off campus providers.
Wellness resources, including resources for LGBTQ+ students and suggested wellness apps

Counseling services are free to students.

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world"- Mahatma Gandhi

YES!!! I really was impressed when I brought her to visit this particular college. I had such a great feeling about it, and truly was thinking that would be great if she could afford to go there. I just felt that it was the perfect place for her actually. When we ditched the official tour she happened to meet students studying areas of interest of hers and then we really got to learn about the culture of the school. It seems like a perfect fit for her frankly. They were really nice kids.

So I am very happy for her!

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