2018-03-21 - 7:42 a.m.
A victim of chronic abuse/trama may feel they do not have a self.
Wow Powerful and true insight evidenced by the fear of being self afraid of a devastating consequence. The constriction of chest , the anxiety it so palpable to imagine as constant (which it almost is for many) when living with that flight or fight mechanism activated and alert and ready for one's very survival. It is more calming to let go of self , to just exist apathetically sometimes rather than to care about your own core personality survival. To let go of self is at times essentially the only way to achieve a sense of peace, so navigating life with this protective shell allows that. But in the process of survival there are costs, the losing of the sense of self actually does result to a degree I think. A ghost, shadow like existance of who someone else wanted you to be. That just seems so very awful to me. I hope to allow my children the ability to grow into themselves fully , knowing who they are with certitude and comfort.
There is the ultimate peace which is of course letting go of ego. That is not what I am talking about, for ego is really a manifestation of insecurity. In order to achieve that kind of desired peace, one must first know who they are and be at peace within themself and THEN let go of any manifestations of insecurity which come across as one's ego. The putting of OTHERS first, the ability to walk in another's shoes and be compassionate and truly loving can NOT happen if one is stuck on SURVIVAL, if stuck in that fight or flight state which experiencing trauma does to a person.
Healing is so essential. Healing also starts I think when one is looking with compassion at the world around them, with awareness and concern for others in this great irony. We somehow never discover ourselves completely alone it seems! The healing must happen in relationship with others I think. For we need the love of other's to heal the wounds of other's. (The Other of course ... Supreme Being.... holds great healing for those of faith perspective; whether they believe they are learning to be one with God, or learning to reach a state of enlightenment in Eastern thought/beliefs.)
This was such a great find this morning as I think it important those who understand and have worked through such (or are working through such) continue to encourage others.
And this is why I write. It is the assertion I have a self which may not be destroyed.
Thank you Poetry Daily for featuring Margaree Little's poem 'The Instrument Maker' this morning which I so enjoyed that I read more of her.
I am ordering her book Rest.