2018-04-11 - 9:15 p.m.
I was so tired today! It was one of those narcoleptic like days... moments of dropping off to sleep uncontollably.
I can't believe it is only 9:15 pm.
I think it is emotional exhaustion.
I swear that is what brings this on.
True I did not get to bed early last night as one teen has a new boyfriend and is so darn loud when she talks on the phone. It was at least 11pm and maybe later when I was telling her to get off the phone as I was exhausted and could not fall asleep due to her loud talking.
Maybe close to midnight...reminding her to get to bed!
she just met him..
He lives 30 min away and seems like a really good kid.
But I need my sleep.
I was very irritated with her lack of consideration.
Good news is that her belongings are finally in her room. She did go through clothing and one bag of stuff was handed over to be rid of.
She needs to downsize much more than that!
Progress was however made. Last weekend we did get her new dresser in her room and clothes that were in bags in the hall are in it.
I also FINALLY went through the bins full of clothes that were cluttering my hall and sorted those, put winter clothes from my room up in attic and got the Spring ones in my closet and drawers.
It only took a month to do that task... from when intended.
So now that one small area of the house is organized
Sad when only the hallway is the part that feels clean and organized!
Just the normal chores keep me busy... typical taking our trash in morning, sweeping and throwing in laundry , folding laundry, doing some dishes,
then taking dog for a walk.
That was my morning between 6 and 8 am.
Then off to work...
Not alot of time or energy when home for the extra stuff!! I spend too much time at work, and need to in order to get my responsibilities completed there.
Ce la vie...
I was emotionally drained as it was a super busy weekend, but then one filled with drama I wish my life was without.
But I have two teen girls living with me....
Its just tiring at times when they hash out their issues with each other.
The good news is , they are doing just that.
They need to learn along the way how to do so productively....
She at least apologized to her sister.
The response was a caustic sounding , "You KNOW I am trying to eat healthy! Are you trying to KILL ME with all this butter ???"
But nonetheless it is still progress.
After the punch in the head the screaming fight continued while I mediated (I had walked downstairs to see the blow. Was glad there was a witness....), but then it did abate and after about 15 minutes they were talking to each other. They then had a reasonably normal conversation.
Ce la vie...
I have supported the continued weaning and over break allowed her to stop.
So she can SEE how she does without medicine.
I mean when she is not in the moment of irascible anger, she is a smart girl and just may agree that if you are punching your sister in the head when angry that PERHAPS you really DO have a trouble with your self control and might choose to WANT To do somthing about it!
To date she is acting very angry that she has ever been medicated.
This kid will go off to college and not take meds
So I figure since the weaning started (and the DR to date does not take insurance) I best continue and let her get off the cocktail and get her therapy and hope she works on her coping skills and learns how to manage her self adequately EITHER WITHOUT meds and other techniques OR SHE REALIZES that she is BEST WITH MEDS as a support and SHE CHOOSES To accept that help.
The kid will be 18 and going off in the world. So it HAS to be her choice OR she won't continue to get that help .
So I would rather the time without medication to see how it goes is NOW than LATER when she is not home to be monitored.
The OTHER kid WHO KNOWS she does well with her medication
WHAT???? She has been self administering since summer.
She is VERY Self aware.
She and I talk about this to touch base regularly and I was VERY pleased with her very mature attitude. She thought her sister was kinda where she was at emotionally a year and a half ago (which was a pretty fair and good analogy I would say! BUT FOR the one saving grace a year and a half ago the one who is more self aware was suicidally depressed and THANK GOD neither are! The one in DENIAL is not suicidal thankfully!!!)
Basically I have two very obviously bi-polar daughters. One self aware
and one in denial.
SO that is just absolutely EXHAUSTING at times. SO the self aware one who has been taking her medicine got in trouble at school and the first thing I asked was "Did you take your medicine today"? Reponse was "NO" and while we had AGREED she could wean off Prozac as she is not depressed and that decision was made WITH her DOCTOR she was supposed to keep taking her ADHD Meds and one other... SO I was surprised to find she did not take the ADHD mediction this week! She never seemed resistant to that before! So I was disappointed to say the least that she is jumping on the bandwagon of her sister questioning that she should keep taking it. Irony is my oldest said she WISHED she had a diagnosis and treatment in high school! LOL just figures....
I am SO PLEASED that my doc turns out take the girls insurance.
The one kid did not trust her DR. Dad and I both agreed lets get her another for a second opinion.
The practice also has good therapists, so I will schedule appointments for that for both girls as well.
But in the interim
She DID Eventually calm to be REASONABLE
although she was not supposed to bring her phone to school .
Her alarm clock is on it, and I had to leave earlier than her... so I told her it is on her to respect the agreement or she will get in trouble.
She has a consequence of no phone at school for the next two weeks.
Its on her to monitor that.
It was a GOOD conversation in which progress was made. She acknowledged this time she GETS IT that the Principal has to demonstrate respect and support of her teacher who wanted a consequence because SHE WAS DISRESPECTFUL.
She gets it...
she disagrees the teacher was worthy of respect.
Can't change her opinion there but am trying to guide her in how to act more appropriately EVEN IF the other person is not necessarily 'deserving' as it is not only the right thing to do, but it will also serve her well to learn that skill of acquiescence at times (EVEN WHEN DON"T AGREE). She doesn't have to agree.. but just has to reasonably comply with authority ANYWAY.
Heck If we ever have a fascist regime, we NEED people like her.
So I can't really be all that upset that this kid digs her heels and stands her ground (even when I disagree with her point of view).
but I have to pick my battles.
And truth be told,
I think what is really going on here is the principal asked ME to take away the kid's phone primarily for the simple reason that the teacher wanted it done
so it was a request to support the principal in maintaining credibility with the teacher so he has respect of the teacher
so he shows that he respects the teacher
so he backs the teacher in his view of the best way to handle a defiant child
I get all that...
To which siblings were surprised that was what she was in fact in trouble for....teacher wanted her to stay in the gym... and she left...
so I just said, when reminded her alarm clock was on the phone...
"Just make your life easier , stay out of trouble and don't take the phone out of your bag or use it in school for the next two weeks AT ALL"
and I picked my battle...
Cause when I thought about it, frankly , I chose the priority for ME
The principal's relationship with the teacher.
I think that is really what the ask was about.
Some think every misbehavior HAS TO HAVE A CONSEQUENCE
But I also don't buy into this bs that when a kid gets in trouble at school then the parents feel some obligation to feel anger , frustration, embarassment, some obligation to be accoutable for their kids behavior and the sense they must fix their kid's behavior
AND As I told the principal on the phone today
The more I thought about it
This is a 15 year old kid
I don't need to PROTECT her from herself...
I rather have shifted the responsibility of her behavior ONTO HER
She can learn to be responsible
and SHE can learn to follow the rules
and SHE CAN LEARN self control and discipline
but when she says "NO" I won't use it...
I just gave up and chose not to battle over taking it.
It just didn't seem worth the return for me.
I said"YOU CAN NOT take it out AT ALL. If you do you risk further trouble, so behave, follow this agreement and just stay under the radar and get through this last month of school"
There is only a darn month left or so... maybe 6 weeks... whatever..
I just did not honestly have energy for drama.
I am avoidant of it.
I will disengage and not fight
Life is too damn short.
"Your a parent , some make the mistake of trying to be their kid's friend"
Hope that works for them
But for me,
and YES I am CHOOSING to try to have a good relationship with my kids who really ARE almost grown and who I would like nothing more than anything to BE MY FRIEND As they are adults.
I think that not a misaligned expectation that I can gracefully guide without using AUTHORITARIAN style.
I want their EARNED respect
I also just don't have the energy to battle over nonsense. We have enough priorities to argue about!
Like going to Dr. and taking medication as presribed... and going to therapy...
and getting personal crap out of living room and into bedroom and
and you are not a princess who is never to lift a finger, but you HAVE To do your own darn laundry...
THAT was the big transgression...
meanwhile I was mediating the SAME KID being punched in the head by her sibling...
I mean, forgive me for seeing your issue at school as just a little bit trivial in the scheme of things...
I KNOW it is important
but if my kid is a few minutes late to school
OR walks out of a gym
or a meeting with a teacher
when she is upset and feels need to disengage for a few moments
IS that REALLY Such a crisis?
Like the TRAUMA results of these kids having been subject to abuse, to being hit in the the head by THEIR Parent when young... etc... etc...
I think he really gets it.
SURE it would have been FINE if I did so.
But not doing so didn't give any message I supported her defiance.
It gave the message I am just too damn tired to fight with her
and Maybe, just maybe
it gave her a message I am RESPECTING her opinion
even if I disagree.
That in fact might do more good for this kid than any other outcome, consequence.