2018-05-27 - 8:17 p.m.

I am trying to decide if it is good parenting to just remove the thermostat when my kid lowers the temp (for the air conditioning)

or if that is just plain MEAN.

I am trying to keep the house comfortable

but also regulate my expenses.

I try not to be hard on this particular teen.

So was grateful that after the week of travel with her sibling she did the grocery shopping.

And trying to not be too critical of the plethera of extra stuff that was not on the list...

the pop tarts

lemon pie

a few boxes of granola bars and breakfast bars..

etc...
etc...

She has a sweet tooth.

I know it best to just thank her for doing the shopping and keep the other sister who finds criticism of this girl all too easy (as she has some deeper rooted anger issues with this sister that crop up after such moments of shopping...

motivated by this other sister wanting me to be able to make good on my BRIBE of getting her a laptop)

which yes I admidt is also not the ideal picture of parenting

When the child on the autism spectrum was fearful of change and freaked out by the notion of a week without her electronics, access to music and comforts of her room

and had to go to her Dad's in order for her older sister to be able to go with me on her senior trip I was chaperoning

I just bribed the girl

saying "What is your price. What will MOTIVATE you to just COOPERATE so your sister can do this!"

I didn't argue, didn't yell,didn't lose temper...

just quietly bribed

and as she said " I really want a laptop to create music with"

said

"OK! If you just get yourself together and go to your Dad's this week without drama to be loving and supportive of your sister I will get you the laptop"

and then I cleaned my house from top to bottom while praising the older sister for her temperance while we waited...

and waited...
and waited for the child on the spectrum to get herself together and pack....

A little ritalin helped a bit I think in moving the process along.... (helps her ability to organize herself...)

so with that bit of help and patient encouragement she would make it through the week in Dad's home of many new step siblings

and a truly lovely step mom

and would not be hurt
or harmed

or challenged in any way but for getting her ass out of bed and going to school on time and being RESPONSIBLE

the resistant child did get it together

and HOURS LATER THAN WE PLANNED

I drove to pick up the friend of my older child who was accompanying us on the senior trip, and then dropped off angsty resistant oh so brilliant but challenged twice exceptional child ( I kinda love that phrase only heard of recently for kids with a disability but also gifted); and we got out the door of my

BY THEN

surprisingly clean(er) house.

I just cleaned the whole darn time while waiting for her to move at her own pace.

It was not 2pm as I had expected to leave (after setting a goal of 12:30 pm... but being a realist really hoping for 2pm); but rather 5:30 pm when we picked up the other teen in my care for this senior trip!

WHEW

So after the travel all week with the two seniors

and a successful week with Dad for the other two teens

We all made it through yesterday's return home

by resting.

YES just a lot of resting the past two days.

We got back from our trip yesterday morning. I needed to sleep after a night drive (That is a different story of the trip which I may or may not to get to tell. I feel like its not really my story...I just had a supporting role of driver , Mom, supporter of teen and her interests.)

Will just say for now it was a wonderful week

Traveled with kid and her friend and dog successfully overall.

The teens worked their butts off during the week in the area they wanted to learn about for their senior project. They met professionals who do what they are learning to do with help of a teacher mentor who planned the whole trip and experiences for them. They have a few more weeks of wrap up of finished product of their work.

So when the one teen went shopping, and came back with a bit of extras, and couldn't ever follow the list I just wanted to let it go today. I did make some comments however, but tried best not to and to be gracious and thank her for the shopping because I WAS VERY tired too!

Its hard to not comment at times, because its like her brain is a passive aggressive oppositionally defiant translator...

I say "buy ice cream, but honestly the way you girls all eat it- lets make it easy for both portion control and so everyone gets some and there are no fights over the damn ice cream-- just get a box of ice cream bars or ice cream sandwiches. Just the plain store brand ones please"

She somehow finds some fancy ice cream sandwiches with lemon ice cream and vanilla cookie.

That is just one example...

she can NEVER do anything AS ASKED

its a very clear pattern.

So I took this child to church today and became aware that although she was feeling better from a cold she reportedly had last week, that she was not completely over it as she was coughing quite a bit.

Funny I did not hear her cough at home before, or after much...

likely not paying attention to it.
But when in a quiet church each cough seemed accentuated to me of course.

So I notice the kid coughing and covering her mouth with her hand.

I lean over and say "Before the kiss of peace please go wash your hands so you don't spread the cold"

She says to me "I wont shake anyones hand"

and won't go.

Of course at the kiss of peace not only does she shake hands with the people to her left and in front and back, but then suddenly she is miss social butterfly and I SWEAR I NEVER have seen this particular teen be so friendly walking OUT of the pew and around the church to shake hands and say peace oh so charming to every damn person she can.

YEs I just said every damn person...

not quite the best articulation of the moment...

should have said the damn kid has to then be miss social butterfly and shake hands with every person.

I am thinking there is something seriously wrong with her as I watch her shake hands with some old lady

and pray my prayer the kid is not contagious.

It was a healing service we went to today.

I prayed in an old fashioned church

so figured it couldn't help for me to pray , as the book of common prayers was evoked ,

in this church I enjoy going to so brought the girls who wanted to go with me this AM ( did not insist but invited them) which ended up being this one - who's sole interest was that she did not yet get PAID for singing at this church

Oh yes, as she is one that sings like an angel. She and sister were hired to sing there for a number of sundays.

I wanted to go there , envisoning a lovely morning of worship with my girls.

I didn't get them ALL UP to insist they ALL COME

as they pulled the Catholic card, and a few said they preferred to go to our parish teen mass tonight.

* They know darn well if we don't go in the morning that it is a 50/50 chance they will be MADE to go to that teen mass. I might lose track of time and they know darn well if they WANT TO GO and remind me and ask me to drive them I will do so, but that if they DON'T remind me and ask that it might be 5:45 when I look at the clock and recall they didn't go yet and I need to bring them (Which is what happened tonight) and they might just get off the hook going to church today.

Which is why some mornings I insist they all come,
and tell them if they are so devote with their Catholicism then they can go to church twice

but I am not that devote and feel more spiritual connection with God and get more out of going to a church that is CLOSE enough theologically to my faith
sans the misogony
and vitrolic barbs thrown out at every darn mass by this one parish priest that has to preach on sexual sin EACH mass... it gets really distracting to prayer I think...

We all get it
Don't be hos

We get it...

but what I don't get is that no matter what the bible readings, no matter what the liturgical song and theme of the week which we are reading and seeking guidance from, this priest can never come up with ANYTHING insightful to say

but takes his role at the pulpit as one in shaming and shunning homosexuality at every opportunity
while saying NOTHING substantive at all.

I just have no patience for not so smart clergy... the simple minded faith of him is not enough for me. To pray" Please forgive his ignorance; and God forgive my judgement of this priest" is not how I seek to be inspired on Sunday mornings.

Hell give me a good old baptist southern your are going to hell if you sin church OVER the passive aggressive barbs of my parish priest in his judgement and anger of the sin

which I really hear as fear based preaching...

So there I was , in a church this morning

having let the older teen who was as tired from her travel as me,
just get out of going as she claimed she was going to work on her project...

I said "you can come to church and then work as soon as back"

but she used the card of a commitment to her friend her co -collaborator on the project...

and was still in bed when we got home from church...

in fact they never worked today as planned. She just stayed in bed, reading and resting all darn day.

I let her.

I understood her exhaustion.

And I let the other teens all just chill all day.

So was tired and grateful the one came with me, even though it was only because she wants to be paid to buy herself a phone....

I was nonetheless, happy she came with me

as I prayed a good old fashioned prayer for an
EXORCISM

HA HA

YES that might be what she needs!

God extricate the devil right out of her....
help her to think of someone other than herself..

and not be addicted to sugar.
and be able to just listen to her mother

and do one thing asked of her

as asked

without changing it

because she can't be "controlled" by anyone other than herself

SIGH...

Heck it could be worse.
She is doing alright. Although she claimed she had work to do for school so borrowed my laptop which i finally retrieved from her (to pay the mortgage which I did),
OSTENSIBLY borrowed all day by her to get school work done

but which was really used to watch animae.
Oh my morning did start off watching a lovely Japanese film with two of my girls.
The Naked Island

I also came here specifically to remind myself one day I will buy this, or at least attempt to, preferably before it is out of stock:

https://www.righteousbabe.com/products/open-ended-question?variant=220353596

I was reminded of Michael M this week.

I don't want to forget to order that.

Will just pay all the bills first, and support my oldest who is raising money for her latest artistic endeavor. She has lots of support and love behind her work.

Just a few priorities..

teen summer classes so she can take AP Music next year;

College tuition for college bound girl who starts in Fall.

Just a few financial priorities before spending money on me.

In our travels this week I DID go to a thrift store and was happy to find a couple practical things!

A NEW BELT! Lovely and needed , plain navy leather with a brass buckle for $8 at an AmVets. (The one I wore for years that was bought in Mexico, which was a brown leather with inlaid colorful flowers on it finally ripped and I have not replaced it yet with a practical one I can wear with anything.)

I was also thrilled to finally find, after YEARS of searching
a TEAPOT for my kitchen!

I was looking for one with red in it that I like, as the one I had has a broken handle, and doesn't really match my kitchen with the very few red accessories I have. I figured I would eventually find a nice tea pot to match so passed up cute blue and white ones a few times. My kitchen is tiny so no room for clutter! I was not going to buy a tea pot that did not match the tiny bit of red. I figure eventually I will find nice hot pads and kitchen towels with some red in them as well that work. I just keep using old stuff until I find the right ones.

The teapot is a sweet small one with gold leaf decorating the edges of it and tea cups with saucers and napkin rings.

The whole set was $5.99

It was listed at a whopping 9.99 at AmVets where it sat for ages I suppose as they thought no one would ever buy it- because the tea cups had been made into cute candle holders! There are red candle in each one.

I don't mind. I told the clerk I will burn them a couple at a time, and hey we needed some candles as well as we actually really burned through the ones we had. They were on my wish list anyway! The clerk accidentally knocked one of the sweet teacups transformed to candle off the counter and it came crashing down. I told her not to worry, I wanted the set anyway and she said "I am just charging you $5.99" which was a nice thing to do.

My dear friend who loves antiques and queen of kitschy knew exactly what to do with the tec cups turned into candles-

She said "You know how to take care of that? Just put in the freezer"

AH! So now I know, if you see an antique you like but someone made into a candle holder pop it in the freezer for easy removal of the candle wax.

Thank you dear friend.

I had envisioned finishing my whole house cleaning spree started post vacation today with wrapping up the kitchen. (That is the one room I did not do a DEEP cleaning on! Just the normal stuff... dishes and floor etc. But the shelves need re-organizing, and decluttering, and baseboards and counters and cabinets need scrubbing other than the normal daily wipe down).

I got as far as doing the dishes.

Truly no energy yet...
So I get it

my girls just needed to sleep

A day of doing nothing.

So the day started watching The Naked Island https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Naked_Island

*Which I did not see the end of,

as I left two girls watching it as I went off to church with another

and it was then one of rest. I am reading Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance today.

And we all ate the various crap food my daughter bought...(Ramen noodles, and lemon pie, ice cream etc...)

but we have milk and eggs and bread and bananas....

She went to the store initially motivated to get stuff to make a birthday cake. I stayed out of the way... but she never made the cake.

Tomorrow after this day of rest I will cook a healthy meal and find energy to clean the kitchen and take out and use the new teapot.

Now will end my lazy day watching the end of the movie, which shows people working their butts off basically.

Tomorrow I will motivate the teens. Reading of the laziness of Appalachia is quite a motivator to not be lazy...

I am rather amazed by the teacher mentor who arranged the project and then came home to his family , to see his teen compete (hope he made it to her competition as she was in a final round of a track and field event), and then work on the weekend. The guy worked both last weekend and this in between the trip. Damn I was tired after travel. He had to go right to work.
LOTS Of energy...

I thought I had lots of energy.

The thing is , I notice when one HAS To work non stop one finds the energy to do so.

I think it is more challenging when such work is not a necessity to then overcome an inclination to just be lazy. Once enter that rest mode it seems hard to get out of it!

I honestly feel best when I am super busy and productive.

So the fam this weekend is in the inertia state.

I can only do that for so long and then find it irritating...
I can't stand when the kids are NOT being productive!
It bothers me.

So it takes all the effort in the world for me to just let them be and let them be lazy for a day or two on a weekend! Today I actually dozed when reading and woke to realize it was too late to bring the rest to the evening mass!

So its been a lazy day... tomorrow I hope to get them all motivated and see progress on school work, or house work or gardening. I need to go visit the garden and see how it fares.

But for now, back to the movie I didn't see the end of yet and then to sleep.

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