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2018-12-12 - 10:41 a.m.

Weirdest thing happened.

Fun horoscope, which I just like reading once in a while for kicks-

was oh so serious

I am going to let go of the old, let in the new
see someone for who they are
recognize they won't meet my needs

then - this is the VERY WEIRD PART

and have a relationship which
*Now this is the part that lets you know it's just a bunch of BS MARKETING

will have tremendous wonderful sexual energy and connection- like mind blowing best ever




OR VERY VERY BAD SO RUN NOW. OH no it didn't really say RUN Now but "So CALL NOW for your consultation ... etc.. so you can gain powerful insight and make wise choices." ..


I thought it hilarious

Then figured what the hell I am on vacation

I at least , even though can't go to the Caribbean-

* Kids school this week
*financial constraints....

seriously tight budget and missing the income I had when rented my basement, which is full of teens (Well two- but the ONE teen's STUFF fills it I swear with more mess and clutter than a mom and her two boys did who lived there for years ! I mean this one child can make a bigger mess that a whole darn FAMILY
and she takes no accountabilty

OH my fault-
that's right I don't BEAT HER and instill FEAR OF DEATH so she won't clean up...

I say that in jest.

Truth be told consequences are not my thing ( little money? no allowance to give or take away... we haven't many "extras" in our home to hold over kids heads.. I mean internet is IT and I already have a house rule about that adhered to.I KNOW I could be a much more empowered parent.

I guess honestly I value peace of mind and just myself lack energy to do much differently- and time- and ideas in my budget- and am tolerent of a mess and myself avoid some conflict if it is not worth it at the end of the day when I am tired. So its easier to do what needs to be done. I KNOW that is My bad! But when I LEAVE The dishes they pile up and after a couple days I cave when I want to cook. Had I the budget I would take MYSELF out to eat and leave it longer for the girls to perhaps get motivated... but I don't have that ability to do that.

But I have some low key methods I think effective.


This morn-
Cause on vacation , one responsible teen go up as always and made it to school

A 2nd overslept (SHE KNEW I was home and could bail her and DRIVE HER) and she likes to manipulate and make her lack of responsibility my lack of empathy. SORRY that is a manipulative tactic I don't fall for. She has a drama routine of how she CAN'T WALK to school due to her POTS ... and on and on ... and how evil I am I make her walk every day.

The thing is, when I got to work the pattern is this kid walks to school. NO incident.

ONLY on days I work from home or otherwise home is the episode of "Woe is me" happen with miss Drama Queen. ONLY on those days do I get a call from the school nurse asking if I can pick her up.


Last call came a day I was home to take myself and sibling to a long dr. appt with many of those tests...

those tests they use to bill billable hours and have you come back into the office many many times... because you know, it is a business and that is after all how they make money.

Not that they hurt

But really I kinda hate missing lots of work, becoming not as reliable at work.

and then the kids missing much school

to find out what we already know

They have POTS and need to do a few things:
1. GET SLEEP Go to bed at a reasonable , regular time
3. EAT WELL to keep immune system strong

additionally to keep metabolism and biochemistry DRINK TONS OF WATER and take salt tablets to assist in elecrolyte regulatation as folks with POTS need MORE fluid to keep things moving....
because it is a cardiovascular problem.

So the challenge is people with POTS are excessively tired

But Exercise is the #1 thing that will abate symptoms! YET they have very little energy to even get out of bed.

So it's very hard to motivate.

But I am not EVIL lacking empathy mother by having my kids all walk to school daily.

The one teen who biked to school regularly last year actually had the benefit show as her stress test on the bike was excellent . No issue there.

The kid that is drama queen DOES have POTS and I do have empathy- but what I don't like is when it is manipulated. So do two of her sisters who also walk to school and I saw all the lab reports , results of test etc..

its very much a mental motivation game .

She just gets herself so worked up and anxious when I am home as she WANTS the ride. I give it when I can- IF she is ready early enough. Thing is if not ready on time and I am working from home, I am still working and STILL have responsibilities!

So today
One got up and made it on time

One slept in assuming I would drive , the Drama Queen- As she WAS ready for a ride on time I DID drive her.

The third.... well she might still be asleep.

Its not MY responsibility to get up and to school but HERS

I dont want to enable and help her avoid consequences. I never have. The biggest concern I have is they blame PARENTS and should hold KIDS accountable - I mean when they are teens- YEAH get the truant officer on the TEENS CASE
If its medical
Which in this case it is, truly , one had to balance all the concerns.

Yesterday she took her medicine and her stomach was nauseous.
She actually was up at 7:30 but felt legit sick And she legit logged in and even earlier than school started was working on the work for English that day. She was EXCITED yesterday's assignment was to read a short story she saw a movie that was made from the story once- but did not see the end.

So she made effort, did some work at home until felt better then I drove her to school late.

But it was clearly medical and not manipulative.

Once can tell manipulation as there are certain traits associated with it:


So I see the difference and try not to fall for crap.

SO TODAY when the same child did not GET UP that was very different from her being nauseous after having made effort.

I have little patience for that and don't want to enable and protect and make HER Responsibility mine. So I was up early doing my chores: Dog walk, raking leaves as today is trash day and have not had time to clean up my backyard recently; gathering trash to curb etc..

and I waved to the one who left at 8:40. (I was outside still) Went in to find the one who just got up and find one sleeping. I DID knock to wake the sleeper and opened her door for noise and light stimulation-

but then I got myself ready to follow my planned vacation day routine:

I gathered stuff to go swim.

Now I can't go to the Caribbean
but we have a gorgeous man who works at the desk of the rec center local pool where it is only $3 to swim! I figured I would have my morning relaxation of taking in the handsome pool boy and just for a moment visualize its the Caribbean...
and then do my laps to de-stress and no take on my teen't responsibilities....

Also thinking, as I chatted with an acquaintence who worked at the pool who was raving about this guy- as what a great dad he is and on and on, who encouraged me to ask him to coffee...

what the hell?
Nothing ventured nothing gained... maybe I will go ahead and do that.


I go to the pool
and he is not there (the lady there later tells me handsome guy awesome dad has day off to celebrate his daughter's 13th birthday with her!)

and I am doing my laps and as I am swimming, I see a guy get in pool and think... lierally my brain thinks


It was the air traffic controller

My ex lover from years ago

Same one who was not only good to me but many women

Who gave me a gift that keeps on giving (after what I am sure was a liason in Venice Beach California....I really never want to go there frankly I got enough of a taste of that place thank you.... carry it with me forever more)

And the irony is

The man I was seeing GOT SICK a year ago

And I swear the symptoms from what I read are perhaps that same gift keeping on giving.

He has such poor communication skills that my very frank email of details for him to get checked out was not ever DISCUSSED

I like that guy much
but he still has not made it here
still to my knowledge ignores the reality (I suggested GET A STD TEST. It might explain your health issues and I am sorry I warned and asked you to be careful but you know when YOU DECIDE to surprise without a condom buddy then it is ON YOU)


Why don't they listen??

SO I am very frank here because adults need to TALK ABOUT and ADDRESS THESE THINGS

HECK adults have sex

So it should not only be the YOUNG KIDS-- Seriously TEENS and young adults that become EDUCATED about having safe sex!!

I may have ranted about this before.

But it upsets me.

Because it is SO AVOIDABLE if people are
1. HONEST ( like Air Traffic controller WAS NOT) and
2. NOT IN DENIAL ( like I think the really great guy I saw from another state seems to be)


I told the guy I have vacation this week

I invited him to visit ANY WEEKEND


REALLY CAN'T between the girls medical appointments.


so back to swimming. I though " that can't be air traffic controller. this guy looks too young. Must be just a guy that looks like him"

But lo and behold, when he was out of water and I happened to come up close- sure enough it was him. Blast from past.

I figured follow the astrologer advice of
run fast.....

When I first saw him that was what I did. Thought "OH SHIT" and then swam that lap very quickly, thinking avoidance was the best tactic.

Then I figured my mind was playing a weird trick and convinced myself I was mistaken and got into my zone of swimming a bit

then came up to find it was him. He asked about kids
gave him update.
and thought of the PORN !!! I found under his mattress and was happy to not run into him again. YEAH TEEN GIRL porn

Which I find rather sick
Especially when I have teen girls.

So the sex was great but I think I was lucky to dodge a bullet the first time and am steering clear the second time.

SO here I am at the library where I have to:

1. PAY BILLS!!! mortgage to be paid and a few others... held off until AFTER kid got her early Dec college apps in ( Those are not ALL FREE Only some of the schools offering so called "priority admission" status- nice marketing tool I think!)
I still don't have a computer of my own. Priorities first!! One of these months I will pick one up.
2. FIND salt tablets to order. Went on a hunt yesterday and can't find those darn things. Came home with a homeopathic product :

CRAP I paid TWICE as much for these at the local heath food store!!! that's a long link....

I got home with them and called the Dr to see if they think these are ok and may be preferrable to sodium chloride? To which I got an answering machine and teens being verbally abusive telling me I am stupid ( At least it is mild compared to the prior verbal abuse!! but still abuse trying to get them to recognize)

To which I said "Be a bit open minded and try to be kind" I am consulting the Dr. I was looking for her recommended himalayan salt tablets I can't find anywhere local.

I try...

they prefer at times to imitate their Dad
but at some point ... like ten years later... it is not HIS FAULT they have no skills yet either for managing frustration but outbursts

SO After paying bills I am on a hunt for the salt tabs, then after I ORDER Them I can send what we have at home to school along with a new script I also have to pick up today-

To send for one teen.

So if she is not up I will go the route of dragging her out of bed....
cajoling... reminding her it is obligatory...
reminding her if fear of Dad works better she could always live with him if she will get her ass up and be on time for school regularly. (Oh yes she WOULD There for there is a CONSEQUENCE Of PSYCHO DAD to deal with if not compliant)

I just really can't pull out the act of psycho mom.

My boss did it very well and I am a little envious.

She tells stories, and my co-worker tells stories of his mom.

Both happen to be African American and I know there are cultural differences in parenting styles.

I told my girls to tell their Dad if for some reason things don't work out with wife # 2 - if he want's to set him self up for success and find a third wife next time around look for an African American woman, one strong enough to keep him in check so he can not abuse her, but who ALSO would likely have compatible parenting style with him!
For a good laugh just google black mommas...

I swear I respect them

no judgement about those differing parenting styles

just about ABUSE which is quite a different thing.

Just a fine line and sorta hard to quantify- but one know's it when they see it -- at least eventually.

But I digress- then my tasks include
#3 EMAIL permission slip and notarized form allowing health treatment to a national chior for one gifted kid who is going to partake in one. (The drama skills come in handy when it comes to performance! She IS gifted!)
#4 Pharmacy stop
#5 Drag teen up if she did not get her ass out the door and walk to school and
#6 Go to the school to drop off medicine (and maybe sleepy teen) along with the forms for her new medicines which are hopefully going to help get her to bed at night and out of bed at night as they will regulate heart rate and blood pressure which are askew) and
The form indicating "PLEASE EXCUSE ABSENSCES " which lists EIGHT DATES!!! YES EIGHT dates that she went to the heart specialist for her testing and POTS diagnosis!


Lucky these girls are smart! Hate them missing so much school.

Hopefully then after all bills paid this weekend we can get a real Christmas tree.

I did do shopping already about two or three weeks ago as there was a Game Stop and I had one teen with me. I had her pick gifts for all her sisters and we walked out just over $200 spent with some games for each and one board game for the whole family to play together!

DONE! that will be enough.

I just need to get the tree up; but not until after essential bills paid! THEN I will know my budget for that and groceries.

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