2018-12-12 - 10:41 a.m.
Weirdest thing happened.
Fun horoscope, which I just like reading once in a while for kicks-
was oh so serious
I am going to let go of the old, let in the new
then - this is the VERY WEIRD PART
MEET A MAN
will have tremendous wonderful sexual energy and connection- like mind blowing best ever
EITHER BE VERY VERY GOOD FOR ME
OR VERY VERY BAD SO RUN NOW. OH no it didn't really say RUN Now but "So CALL NOW for your consultation ... etc.. so you can gain powerful insight and make wise choices." ..
I thought it hilarious
Then figured what the hell I am on vacation
I at least , even though can't go to the Caribbean-
* Kids school this week
seriously tight budget and missing the income I had when rented my basement, which is full of teens (Well two- but the ONE teen's STUFF fills it I swear with more mess and clutter than a mom and her two boys did who lived there for years ! I mean this one child can make a bigger mess that a whole darn FAMILY
OH my fault-
Truth be told consequences are not my thing ( little money? no allowance to give or take away... we haven't many "extras" in our home to hold over kids heads.. I mean internet is IT and I already have a house rule about that adhered to.I KNOW I could be a much more empowered parent.
I guess honestly I value peace of mind and just myself lack energy to do much differently- and time- and ideas in my budget- and am tolerent of a mess and myself avoid some conflict if it is not worth it at the end of the day when I am tired. So its easier to do what needs to be done. I KNOW that is My bad! But when I LEAVE The dishes they pile up and after a couple days I cave when I want to cook. Had I the budget I would take MYSELF out to eat and leave it longer for the girls to perhaps get motivated... but I don't have that ability to do that.
But I have some low key methods I think effective.
A 2nd overslept (SHE KNEW I was home and could bail her and DRIVE HER) and she likes to manipulate and make her lack of responsibility my lack of empathy. SORRY that is a manipulative tactic I don't fall for. She has a drama routine of how she CAN'T WALK to school due to her POTS ... and on and on ... and how evil I am I make her walk every day.
The thing is, when I got to work the pattern is this kid walks to school. NO incident.
ONLY on days I work from home or otherwise home is the episode of "Woe is me" happen with miss Drama Queen. ONLY on those days do I get a call from the school nurse asking if I can pick her up.
Last call came a day I was home to take myself and sibling to a long dr. appt with many of those tests...
those tests they use to bill billable hours and have you come back into the office many many times... because you know, it is a business and that is after all how they make money.
But really I kinda hate missing lots of work, becoming not as reliable at work.
and then the kids missing much school
to find out what we already know
They have POTS and need to do a few things:
additionally to keep metabolism and biochemistry DRINK TONS OF WATER and take salt tablets to assist in elecrolyte regulatation as folks with POTS need MORE fluid to keep things moving....
But Exercise is the #1 thing that will abate symptoms! YET they have very little energy to even get out of bed.
So it's very hard to motivate.
But I am not EVIL lacking empathy mother by having my kids all walk to school daily.
The one teen who biked to school regularly last year actually had the benefit show as her stress test on the bike was excellent . No issue there.
its very much a mental motivation game .
One slept in assuming I would drive , the Drama Queen- As she WAS ready for a ride on time I DID drive her.
The third.... well she might still be asleep.
Its not MY responsibility to get up and to school but HERS
I dont want to enable and help her avoid consequences. I never have. The biggest concern I have is they blame PARENTS and should hold KIDS accountable - I mean when they are teens- YEAH get the truant officer on the TEENS CASE
Yesterday she took her medicine and her stomach was nauseous.
So she made effort, did some work at home until felt better then I drove her to school late.
But it was clearly medical and not manipulative.
Once can tell manipulation as there are certain traits associated with it:
So I see the difference and try not to fall for crap.
SO TODAY when the same child did not GET UP that was very different from her being nauseous after having made effort.
and I waved to the one who left at 8:40. (I was outside still) Went in to find the one who just got up and find one sleeping. I DID knock to wake the sleeper and opened her door for noise and light stimulation-
but then I got myself ready to follow my planned vacation day routine:
I gathered stuff to go swim.
Now I can't go to the Caribbean
Also thinking, as I chatted with an acquaintence who worked at the pool who was raving about this guy- as what a great dad he is and on and on, who encouraged me to ask him to coffee...
what the hell?
I go to the pool
and I am doing my laps and as I am swimming, I see a guy get in pool and think... lierally my brain thinks
It was the air traffic controller
My ex lover from years ago
Same one who was not only good to me but many women
Who gave me a gift that keeps on giving (after what I am sure was a liason in Venice Beach California....I really never want to go there frankly I got enough of a taste of that place thank you.... carry it with me forever more)
The man I was seeing GOT SICK a year ago
And I swear the symptoms from what I read are perhaps that same gift keeping on giving.
He has such poor communication skills that my very frank email of details for him to get checked out was not ever DISCUSSED
I like that guy much
Why don't they listen??
HECK adults have sex
So it should not only be the YOUNG KIDS-- Seriously TEENS and young adults that become EDUCATED about having safe sex!!
But it upsets me.
Because it is SO AVOIDABLE if people are
I told the guy I have vacation this week
I invited him to visit ANY WEEKEND
I JUST CAN'T GET AWAY YET
REALLY CAN'T between the girls medical appointments.
so back to swimming. I though " that can't be air traffic controller. this guy looks too young. Must be just a guy that looks like him"
But lo and behold, when he was out of water and I happened to come up close- sure enough it was him. Blast from past.
When I first saw him that was what I did. Thought "OH SHIT" and then swam that lap very quickly, thinking avoidance was the best tactic.
Then I figured my mind was playing a weird trick and convinced myself I was mistaken and got into my zone of swimming a bit
then came up to find it was him. He asked about kids
Which I find rather sick
So the sex was great but I think I was lucky to dodge a bullet the first time and am steering clear the second time.
SO here I am at the library where I have to:
1. PAY BILLS!!! mortgage to be paid and a few others... held off until AFTER kid got her early Dec college apps in ( Those are not ALL FREE Only some of the schools offering so called "priority admission" status- nice marketing tool I think!)
CRAP I paid TWICE as much for these at the local heath food store!!! that's a long link....
I got home with them and called the Dr to see if they think these are ok and may be preferrable to sodium chloride? To which I got an answering machine and teens being verbally abusive telling me I am stupid ( At least it is mild compared to the prior verbal abuse!! but still abuse trying to get them to recognize)
To which I said "Be a bit open minded and try to be kind" I am consulting the Dr. I was looking for her recommended himalayan salt tablets I can't find anywhere local.
they prefer at times to imitate their Dad
To send for one teen.
So if she is not up I will go the route of dragging her out of bed....
I just really can't pull out the act of psycho mom.
My boss did it very well and I am a little envious.
She tells stories, and my co-worker tells stories of his mom.
Both happen to be African American and I know there are cultural differences in parenting styles.
I told my girls to tell their Dad if for some reason things don't work out with wife # 2 - if he want's to set him self up for success and find a third wife next time around look for an African American woman, one strong enough to keep him in check so he can not abuse her, but who ALSO would likely have compatible parenting style with him!
no judgement about those differing parenting styles
just about ABUSE which is quite a different thing.
Just a fine line and sorta hard to quantify- but one know's it when they see it -- at least eventually.
But I digress- then my tasks include
Lucky these girls are smart! Hate them missing so much school.
Hopefully then after all bills paid this weekend we can get a real Christmas tree.
I did do shopping already about two or three weeks ago as there was a Game Stop and I had one teen with me. I had her pick gifts for all her sisters and we walked out just over $200 spent with some games for each and one board game for the whole family to play together!
DONE! that will be enough.
I just need to get the tree up; but not until after essential bills paid! THEN I will know my budget for that and groceries.