2019-03-01 - 7:16 a.m.
It's a snowy morning, with a white sky lingering even after the snow has fallen. No bright rays to stream in and wake me this morn, nor colorful exhibit of pinks, yellow and purple to greet me. I was up later than usual (not too late but asleep around midnight), after working for well over 11 hrs straight. 11 hours is the time logged on my work computer as I shut it off, and at some point around mid-day I had turned it off and back on again after a walk with the dog that interrupted it's connection.
The days' rhythm is dictated by this dog. I had early empty nest syndrome , as teen years are the lonliest for a single parent without a life partner at that time. Teens just really want to be left alone as they figure out who they are.
So this morn, the pup, who is about 1 and a half years old, was being her feisty self after cuddling and sleeping ON me for the night. She started off on a pillow she likes that I brought up to my room for purpose of mending it. I got the sewing done while talking on the phone some time ago to the only man who is sometimes in my life- oh so infrequently. He kinda reminds me of Dean in Supernatural as far as character and ability to commit. Too bad not as good looking and not as good of a lover- but hey we can't have everything in a person. He has personality and is fun when around, but kinda like the air traffic controller it is really clear to me he enjoys women and will be happy to enjoy anyone willing. Yeah I have a type. ****SIGH****
Don't really know how the hell that happened to be my type. Maybe cause OPPOSITE my Dad? So I Don't have any Daddy issues and this is what then results???
Are all those folks with fucked up parents perhaps actually better off in the end??
Hey there is a thought
It's just weird to me as i swear I grew up in closest to Beaver Cleaver family I have ever seen. (Wait... did those parents hug each other and visibly display affection?? Ah...now I am onto something... the puritanical lack of emotional display, lacking of showing physicality (of both parents), and Irish passive aggressive denial when there IS an issue (mom trait)..... OH yeah... I kinda forgot THAT is why I have my type.... HE IS like my father. Sheesh.....but for that lack of commitment issue which my father does not have. Both Dad and I commit in spades.... over commit! I mean, even considering ANY time with an unavailable person is overcommitting. )
Ce la vie.
But I digress (not surprising)
I came to write thought on the morning walk with pup.
So the dog wakes up when I do, as I have to go to the bathroom. I have EVERY intention of going back to sleep for another hour and a half. (Yes sleep cycles are an hour and a half! I awoke and feel good so must have woken naturally AFTER one of them!) But I make the mistake of not just going right back to bed- which had I done she would have curled up next to me or on me and slept. NO , I think I should bring HER outside so SHE can go to the bathroom too.
But no, I did the parent thing where presume because I need or want something OF COURSE you should also need or want the same thing!
So I go downstairs and open the back door and she starts to walk toward it to go outside and then
SHE SEES THE SNOW on the back porch and is like
"HECK NO WAY"
and stops in her tracks. She was literally about to go out and I think I said "Wait" and she stopped. I said "Wait" as I was going to get her sweater.
Then it is the feisty playing that comes next-
She will not come to me, but will PLAY with me: advancing and retreating. She then is having a ball as I am the one cornered! She's got me! I want something of her, so she is going to take full advantage of my attention and play.
I could have offered treats but I knew if I offered a walk she would be thrilled.
She is not well trained to sit and stay when I want her too. Will sometimes when a treat is in my hand! We all need to be better and trying to be consistent and training her! I thought the teens would all be excited to work together on that but it has proven hard to motivate them! My behavior mod skills are challenged with that one! I got only one teen to go ONE TIME to the dog training classes the pup had. We had only four classes and she did OK, however it is expensive and I need consistency among the whole household to be truly effective. TRYING....
So I walked to the front door, got her leash and she came right to me as walk time is fun!
Instead of sleeping for another hour and half I put my barn jacket on right over my PJS. I am wearing this Ellen Degeneres branded onesie which is amazingly comfy! It was a hand me down from my bestie in Buffalo who is the counselor and a big Ellen fan. (She counsels LGBT community primarily which is a way better job than being a counselor in the ERIE County correctional facility where she started her career! A former MD who was in charge of medical care just wrote a book Life and Death on Riker Island; and DOJ either last year or the year before published results of a study on the atrocities of what happens in jails in the U.S. My friend could write her book one day... but I have heard stories and happy she is OUT of that job which kills one's spirit!) So I went out in my cozy fluffy PJs with teal and grey diamond argyle pattern on a white background , barn coat, and black sturdy (also hand me down) shoes- styled after a western boot but short, just a shoe to walk my dog in the fresh fallen snow at 6:30 AM.
It was a blast.
I intended to walk for just 5 minutes since she was snow adverse when it is on the porch.
The pup however LOVES the snow!
So we kept walking, and walking, and avoided the streets and sidewalks where people could SEE me in my PJs.
We took the more scenic and private route of walking the permineter of the neighborhood along the fence lining the woods surrounding us. I live in the last block of a neighborhood that abuts woods.
So it was a blast as we came upon some tracks and I could see where a critter left the woods where there was a hole in the fence, crossed the grassy area (then snowy!) to then walk along the fence line of fencing behind houses. The critter tracks then went into the back yard of the home without a fence, that had an inviting pile of stuff under their porch! I think that was a couch, but there were sleds, and various other things in what to me appeared as a pile.
There were no emerging tracks from that home- so the critter found a nice place to settle in for a while!
It was just a kinda fun morning.
I was struck by all this snow and only two sets of tracks in the distance we walked of the perimeter. So EVEN the animals were sleeping in late this quiet morning!
But then, what I found funny, is that as we turn around and head home the puppy is suddenly very interested in tracking.
YES she was on a scent and following it like mad! She had no interest when I was following the tracks earlier.
BUT this time she was sniffing, and leading and excited and fervently trying to catch up to this animal she wanted to find.
I found it hilarious
As of course those tracks were hers and mine.
Just like when she sees her own shadow and excitedly chases it in an attempt to find that dog!
She is at the phase of self-discovery, trying to figure out who she is. Of course not interested in something when I am, but when it is all about HER then she is on it; Kinda like the teens.