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2019-08-25 - 4:35 p.m.

I recall the joy at finding Queen Helene's Coco Butter lotion here in Virginia years ago.

I had bought a large bottle of that lotion years ago at a Woothworth's in downtown Buffalo for 1.98. I was on a tight budget and bought it because it was so cheap and I needed lotion. I was amazed at how well it worked, making my skin soft.

So one day when the girls were small here in Virginia it gave me great joy to find it again. It want just the lotion itself but the memories of its coco butter smell evocative of the delight at my independence the first time I had ventured out to explore that old city, new to me as I navigated the subway that wonderfully brought me emerging from the depths underground into the light of day riding above ground through the center of downtown. I found it magical riding that rail car for the first time with shops and restaurants and people bustling about outside the subway car. I saw the Woothworths and got off the next stop to walk back and shop for the few things I was seeking.

I am not sure if I was still in college or if this was afterwards when in my first rented home which was a once majestic, now decrepit yet still architecturally gorgeous building which after a scrub from top to bottom and paint job of interior and installation of a lush second hand wool carpet in the living room that came from a posh estate of old family really brought back its beauty.

In our naivete someone may have, well not me but someone's boyfriend, may have painted over some gorgeous wood trim. . . but I am all too glad that the details remain a vague memory of that...

So this morn I awoke itchy as hell again. Falling asleep is the worst as when lay down it is like hundreds of little needles or pins quickly pricking. It's like the nerve endings start to burn hot and I can feel the skin get tingly tiny pin pricks of pain sensation then extreme itching crying out for relief with the false narrative a good scratching will provide relief.

The deceptive thought that scratching will help is not so, as I know, yet it is seriously nearly impossible not to scratch. I think if the addicts that have that weird side effect of thinking bugs all over skin...and think this compulsion to scratch and pain that follows is thankfully the closest thing I have come I suppose to anything near the compulsion of addiction. Both the pull. Compulsion, mirage of moment of "Ah" call it relief or pleasure in it's way, followed by the most intense misery.

< I had to go back and edit this as it was riddled with typos. It was a challenge to deconstruct all those typing on phone typos. Oh how can one think of a lovely depiction of an experience and then read the typed sentence, riddled with misspellings made so much more atrocious with auto correct, that it's no more than a minute later yet even the writer is challenged to decifer and recall what thoughts attempted to be captured?

This editing and correcting is interrupting my flow....

Main point being the next most painful time after falling asleep is waking up as the itch is then screaming again.

I found that coco butter lotion and wow what a relief! The itching is now in part to the dry skin and being in that healing stage I think.

Time for chuch. I didn't even get to my main point about the lotion but will come back to this thought to capture it later as one teen got ready to go with me this morning.

Back from church. It was the day of the church picnic at the park which I was happy both teens here with me came along for a bit of socializing. Ok truth be told one went for food and put on headphones articulating clear "leave me alone I am an angsty teen" message but hey even that CV communication with others and navigating the social experience of food tent is some socializing experience.

I came home and fell asleep but now awoke to the hot burning itch on my arms. I just took benadryl and hope it kicks In. ZYRTEC once a day only helps do much. I will try to describe this without the typos this time. It's like the nerve endings of my arms and ears are now so hot the are burning while there is the sharp prick of a pin sensation. Came back at least a week later to finish thoughts I was too miserable to capture. READ TONS on scabies and bed bugs ( I did stay in AIRBNB in NY that was AWFUL and it occurred tutu possibility my room could have a double whammy or even triple whammy household problem! Fleas seem possible...friend helping thinks got bit by flea and recent bites seem so! SO the thing about lotion is, really two things: 1. One bottle of it found in this house has to be at least ten years old. Good lord maybe close to 15 yes old ? I even found a newer one. That is sad and evidence I really needed to declutter EVERYWHERE including hidden forgotten corners such as in cabinets under sinks. 2. About a week after I took the medicine of permethrin I was itchy as hell and used an old bottle of baby oil for relief. Lathered it on to moisturize the really dry healing skin. These tiny red dots appeared on tummy near belly button, and were fascinating to me. I gently wiped and captured on a tissue where u can see them. Tiny kind of oval shape. It seemed crazy as I just watched patiently and over something like next 20 min or so observed and removed red critters from arms and legs as well. And I swear felt much improvement Day later same effect with the coco butter lotion. I know with head lice, oils will coat and kill buggrrs as they cant breathe. It was so obsessed for multiple days to use the oil and lotion and watch buggers float up through skin to surface of skin. GROSS AND FASCINATING. Either they were already dead and floated to surface as our body is high % of water, or I just had drown them and they floated to surface. I can find NOTHING Written about the persistent itching for weeks after perenethin treatment other than calling it a weird immune, I want to say characterized like overactivity....or continued sensitivity.... but otherwise and often called psychosomatic! BULLSHIT Its not an overactive system if u have bugs in body, whether alive or dead, that your immune system is continuing to try to eject somehow or another. And oddly it turns out scratching IS effective in pulling many out! What is called Norwegian Scabies results when some get a massive infestation cause then never get the itch response and some literature says never scratch out the initial bugger invaders. So it's this odd thing that by scratching many will actually manage to some extent reduction of invading pest to avoid hosting more. I was a bit obsessed with reading and research on this.... SO after only 8 or 9 days since first permethrin lotion application at height of misery I put another coat of that lotion on me. The itching abated . SERIOUSLY. So that psychosomatic crap is clearly just wrong. I figured possibility new eggs hatched and wanted to kill them. The claim is made that kills eggs too but I am skeptical as to whether that gets all eggs! It was just so fascinating to me then when doused with lotion or oil maybe one or two emergent red tiny thing appeared. Still itchy when going to sleep but that seems to be more typical itchy of healing skin where larger bites like flesh bites appeared after testing apart literally every crevice and cluttered filled closet or bookshelf and cleaning under bed. I have three cans of flea, tick,bed bug, dust mite carrying scabies bombs to put off in house ones done with this massive cleaning and decluttering project. I will try this self help one day girls in school and take Bellatrix to park all day first vefore going hard core as convinced that will be LESS chemicals than an exterminator will use. BEFORE Belkatrix I had sprinkled deciduous earth under bed and regularly cleaned with all natural product said to kill buggers. Once had dog I didn't use the dicideous earth for fear it was not good for her. A few months ago I ran out of that "green" cleaner and wished bought more immediately as swear it worked!!!! Once clutter gone will use the flea etc bombs so trying best to get cleaning done as quickly as possible. It's an even bigger job than imagined! /p>

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