2020-04-29 - 2:18 a.m.

Awoke with typical once nightly moment of what is likely an adrenaline rush. I felt dehydrated and needed water.
Back to bed soon but quick update:

Law Guardian, now judge, genuinely inquired about the children. After presiding over the adjudication and acceptance of plea deal negotiated with Commonwealth Attorney (truly not indicative of any great negotiation skill on my part but rather as they said
"You know you didn't have to show up; we were worried some didn't get notice" so I was given the CoronaVirus pass for being responsible and showing up after honoring my part of prior agreed plea- the already reduced infraction became a non moving faulty equipment violation, no points.

No matter MY case was in system NOT continued (yeah like all others on docket were apparently continued but mine and one other person who showed up). When I called court yesterday they confirmed my case was still on docket and that court would be in session.

So yeah HAD to show up.

So when done with the traffic proceeding the genuine heartfelt question of "How are they?" was asked regarding my children.

I very diplomatically responded .

Leave it at that as too tired now to capture what said.... need to go back to bed.

Truth is,
my children don't ALL resent her much.

In time perhaps all will heal and forgive. She wanted my to let them know she thinks of them and hopes they are well. I thanked her and said I would as that may help healing.For they really do need to forgive, their Father first, then she and the lawyers who were blinded next , as they truly failed in goals of safety for children at the time yet did their best with actual care and concern. They just erred.

Most have forgiven their Father. The ones that haven't are starting the process of separation that must come first. The two strong willed that refused to live with him the past few years are further along with healing I think. Funny one is with him now after three years just occassionally visiting fir a couple days here and there, which I think is currently good for their relationship. He refused to bring them here during this pandemic and I checked with the two who got stuck there are they are OK being there. The youngest is fine as busy with school and the other likewise. I think better for the college ages one with POTS to be there as she does chores when there but does not respect me and refuses when here anyway. Any physical activity is better for her health and she is more active there.

The youngest agrees with me its just not worth the drama of arguing over this. I could push enforcement of a custody order but truly not worth drama.
This is short term; this too shall pass.

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