2020-05-02 - 12:35 a.m.

I had a really good week! I am truly enjoying the job I am in. I am good at what I do, but in position where I can learn and continue to grow, and I feel like every day I actually am doing so.

The work week ended with me not quire finishing a project I had a goal of completing by today. No matter, I can finish Mon. I am pleased I did not feel a compulsion to keep going but in a healthy move stopped working at 7pm in order to hop on a social call with college friends. We have been doing this since the Coronavirus quarantine and its been a blast.

One of our college friends is a real hoot and akways entertaining. He is a musician in Dublin and swear he looks the same as he did thirty years ago! He has not had to grow up! No wife or kids ...
His band has had a degree of success. He has thousands of social media followers.There is also a good documentary about him.
By day he is a special ed teacher, by night a rock star; the coolest teacher ever at a private school.

Off to bed...tomorrow I will watch a show he hosted that was on 2pm EST mid week while I was working.

He has become a big fan of the crazy soap opera my son is in.I told him about it and he binged watched and told me "I'm obsessed!" On our call he kept referencing it and made sure I told the others about it as he enjoys it so much. So that was fun!

This morning started well and the day ended well! I awoke with a song in my head. It was funny to me as it is the title track of my son's best friend's folkie father's CD recently released. I listened on Spotify and heard songs off the CD a few weeks ago. I then read the liner notes on the musician's web site to see my son and his friend sang back up on the album! I loved listening, and at some point ordered the CD. So this morn I awoke with the title track in my head to later have my child bring me the mail to discover the CD arrived! How cool is that?

I mean it was days ago since I heard the song, and I have heard alot of music since. It felt like one of those intuitive knowledge moments.

After the nice college on line gathering I then had what felt like a very REAL call, with actual connection with the man in DC I was dating before this Coronavirus hit. We went out 4 or 5 times. This hit and we are in a holding pattern as far as dating.
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But tonight we had a truly great call where I felt like he was trusting me to actually reveal more about himself and his life. I had been getting uncomfortable with the perceived distance and feeling I got "He's Just Not That Into You" . But it felt SO GREAT to have the man essentially TELL me he's not that into me! What a relief! He can communicate honestly about his feelings, intentions, and share part of his world with me.

We then had such a great talk and REAL connection once he opened about his dating life and told me of the others and what they each bring to him. It made me happy to hear as he was truly communicating with honesty and openness about where he is at individually as well as in relation to others, and me. We agreed to continue our communication to explore possibilities after this Corona time passes.
But the discomfort of KNOWING so much of what he finally discussed, and feeling like he was holding back has been lifted.
To me that's alot of energy when one is not open.Negative energy.
I feel so pleased he pushed through whatever held him back from being open to actual authentic communication. I found it disappointing that he would talk of doing things like going to actual authentic communication workshops but I felt like he compartmentalized that part of his world of self growth and the part of spiritual exploration and the part of his own sexual exploration (typical New England WASP suppression in background history) and growth and in doing so also compartmentalized the relationship with me ( and did same with others) in a manner where he was not being totally WHOLE and fully PRESENT when I spent time with or talked to him. It was a distance due to my sensing the more he wasn't yet revealing. A weird thing; somewhat difficult to articulate.
In brief though, that sense of - If you are not sharing who you are with me fully, how can I ever get to know you and vice versa?
A block to honest connection looms in such situations it seems to me , when one is holding back germane information regarding who they are.

So it genuinely made me happy to hear of his lover and his dates, and love interests of the PRESENT. THAT is interesting to me! ThAT is fullfulling as it is a real, meaningful conversation of what is important in his world! I was LET IN.
It felt like a breakthrough.

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