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2020-09-19 - 5:06 p.m.

I'll be darned

I do enjoy those stupid tarot readings. They usually make me laugh

This one for my love life in the three card pull is NOT funny.

.....ok Dr.Fauci came to mind as I pulled the card.

I succeded in cutting communication, cutting his obsessive what I tell myself is really just his addiction that during time of COVID make me all the more desirous because we live so close.

It was a smart move to protect my heart.
Darn. He still comes to mind...

Card pulled


addiction , sexuality,Attachment,materialism

When the tarot card begins in a love reading, the relationship can only begin if there is a physical attraction between the two lover. Basically ,the physical attraction is summed up be the Devil tarot card in a love reading.That is. The couple has formed the bond to indulge in earthly pleasures which is sex"



I actually miss the guy and his goofy obsessions, not just sex, but interest in attachment theory (debunked by most of the psychology world... like he discovered theorys popular 20 yrs ago and loves sharing them and self analyzing along with hobbiest analysis of others. Lol I know someone else kinda loves that hobby!)

Miss our mask wearing COVID walks and his constant propositioning me.

See that dosen't get irritating from him really.

The need to set boundaries and act as friends was accepted and welcomed by him with him admitting he should be more self disciplined and less impulsive That is in contrast with ART who called and asked me if I wanted to go out on my birthday but then it was just a tired old battle of boundaries. Just so different!
Art disappointed me as a friend. He has a goal of self satisfaction and of me being able to meet his needs bit does not know how to just be a friend without feeling maligned and frustrated if I decline wanting to be his lover.

I figured we could socially distant and be safe and he just could not be respectful of my feelings of wanting to follow distancing quidelines. It felt like a squabble from the moment he arrived.

To be fair when he showed up at my door maskless and I opened it with my mask on. I stepped outside and my two teens saw him and in typical aggressive passionate Italian fashion , the door opened and they lit into him :

"Back up six feet"

"You don't have a mask on!" ( Honestly, I wear one for eight plus hrs and more non stop except to drink water and eat when I have to go to the office 2 days a week but I had not yet noticed the lack of mask!) And
"Mom if you are not socially distancing I swaer I will lock you out"

My lovely teens....


So he was put off by the reprimand, my taking my own agreeing with the teens on need for responsibility .. that set the tone for his went on from there...

And was an evening of boundaries being pushed again and again.

Just not the night I hoped for.

So this is why I enjoy time with my winery owning , Trump loving OPPOSITE as he, who ALSO is happy to offer or receive decent sex, has the absolute decency of valuing my FRIENDSHIP without that string attached! He's also at least wise enough to not talk politics, turn radio off of news. I mean he is a jerk undoubtably, but never to me! Accept your friends where you find them? I dont know. Hard to explain how we get along well except I enjoy having him as a friend I can visit and enjoy conversation with once in a while. Winery closed to public and few go there so I have been there just twice since COVID hit and felt it was safe.

Be it COVID or any other reason. He is oddly this one consistent man who over ten years now is always hsppy to see me, nurturing and caring to me, and comfortable to hang with AS A Friend! (And occassional lover when desire)

Now what truly strinks is that Art is a damn good lover! But his pushiness and lack of respect of me as a person and lack of nurturing our friendship without the goal of him getting laid is a huge turn off!!!! No desire whatsoever (not like it is hard to not touch him during COVID...the way he acted was like a repellant! Playbook in how to not get a woman to want to sleep with you:

Some stupid moves-

*Offer to take a woman where she woukd like to go, but when she names a place argue against it.(Because it was empty , a draw during COVID for me! It has rave reviews for the food but it was empty as live music was kickin it at a BBQ outdoor eatery just blocks away).

*Insist on contol and resist when she wants to drive her own car.(I initially drove my car to town, but it was crowded so we decided to go to this hole in the wall joint that is on the mountain nearby that is ALWAYS oddly empty yet has kickin good music! Its like the owner opened their own private bar to book their favs and once in a while sone friends join them! I acquiesced when realized HE offered to take me out for my birthday so I said yes despite having no flippin clue where in my house my misplaced wallet was! I lost it two weeks prior but KNEW it was in the house.I since found it in a cloth grocery bag from shopping! But in the moment after leaving a crowded spot, heading to our cars, it dawned on me I had an empty gas tank! So i acquiesced in getting in Art's car .)

*Then randomly pull over and park in some dark secluded area on the ride back.

I needn't say more. But it was not how I hoped my birthday celebration with Art would have gone.

RESPECT was just missing in an equation of selfishness.

I did enjoy a nice meal and live music however Art killed any desire of me to artistically collaborate we had discussed and his flippant, selfish attitude regarding COVID makes it clear I can't nurture a friendship safrly socially distancing with him. He doesn't follow basic recommendations.

He told me when he called he had not gone out in a month and I trusted that to be true or would not have agreed to meet him.But by his own acknowledgement that was the anomoly as prior to the past month he HAD been hanging out at a few local bars after work.

I now don't trust him to be safe at all after his behavior and attitude.

So now the kicker of all this:

The weekend after my birthday I was busy vacuming with a brand new vacume. (I bought a SHARK and like it) My vacume kept shutting off after 15 min, overheating it seems. Ironically last Aug after I czme back from NYC I was itchy as hell! Told had scabies! Those buggers leave waste in skin which is a disgusting thought in itself, but worse cause continued intense itching for WEEKS.

So I was paranoid I brought home bed bugs after contined itching ( I did not based on the traps purchased as would have seem some).

I put deciduous earth around the perimeter of my bedroom and under the bed. The irony is that vacuuming up that dust is what broke my vacume in the first place! So for MONTHS now I have vaccumed in 15 min spurts, then can't continue. The vacume will overheat then cool and I can later use it again for a short bit.

My house really is in need of much deep cleaning!

On top of the overheating, recently the canister got clogged with the deciduous earth vacumed up and finally killed the air flow. So it was due to this cleaning of the pest control my vacuum broke and got dustier than typical.

So the crazy irony is

By Sun I had what I though was an allergy with a hive on my face near my left eye, itchy ears , left elbow, with itchy bumps, itchy bumps appearing on my right hand, in days inder left armpit and right pantyline area

Itchy bumps!

So anmoying

Then after a few days thos pretty much settle, with some red patches where scratched at night but more appear on tummy, other shoulder, kinda in a line of bumps on my arm...

And I look at that line and realized by Thu of this week this is uncomfortably familiar!

I think I caught Scabies again!!!! Damn!! EITHER:

The vacuming and dusting I did where I was raising dust here at home long overdue for cleaning OR

The winery!! I stopped there RIGHT after being in NYC and at first was so worried if I brought something TO my friend but then later wondered if perhaps I got the darm mites there!! ( He too had let his house go a bit in post divorce depression for a few years there frankly! Honestly only in this past year has it looked good! He has bounced back, but it rrally took him a while. He needed to get away! His travel and working elsewhere for a few months helped tremendously.)

But I had not been there in months and visited right after Christmas and then had what I swore were flea bites from sitting on his couch! He has a cat...but heck he has had chickens for years. Animals, ducks toaming about.... its a farm house after all.I swear I get bitten and itchy every time I go there and spend time anywhere other than the tasting room!

In Jan was thinking may have been there caught scabies....but could have been my own house...

But then, could have been Art's crazy filthy car. Oh yeah add that to bullets above

* drive a lady in a car you first have to clear clutter and trash out of including old McDonald's bags with rottung food, so there is a seat.

The car alone was a nightmare. I opened the window.

So there is the irony.

For most part I go NOWHERE during COVID but then after I do venture out

catch what is likely scabies.


so my Vacume breaks from dust of diciduous earth to prevent bed bugs and other pests ( Some think its psychosomatic itching for months after scabies! Kept reading incredulous that can be a thing. I found evidence otherwise.....and I was a cleaning fiend then but it was months of discomfort!)
AND due to then dust piling up, Mites likely gather and AGAIN I catch scabies!!

Or one other possibility:

I was SO happy to prune the row of roses at the end of the rows of grapes at the winery. I actually wrote a lovely entry of that wonderful evening but hit a back arrow ( God only knows how I do that) and lost that whole darm thing!!!! I wrote about other things...stories for another time perhaps, but figure I was writing for me only at that time apparently!

As I happily pruned the roses while my friend was inside cooking for me, I realized I should have put on bugspray. I was getting bitten as I pruned by mosquitoes.
Wonder if mites live on roses?

I have a Dr. appointment so will have official diagnosis and relief soon.

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