2021-03-20/21 - 5:49 a.m.
Now I am not sure what provides the fertility-
Not too much to either drown or scorch
Then you have to make sure no one comes to eat away at your root and bulbs if you want to grow.
I am up an hour earlier than intended ; well actually it was more like two. I tried to go back to sleep after being awoken by an animal in the recycle bin.
I had trouble falling back asleep, but at least it was 5 AM !
I realized I was hungry so got up and enjoyed breakfast: homemade Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and a really delicious orange
and am enjoying listening to talented Andrew McKnight as I write.
I wanted to write to vent and found the moment started writing I don't really feel the need to vent much anymore.
So its no longer a vent .. .which is nice. Writing ended up being an exercise in relaxing for me that helped me just let go of the frustration, and in a way hurt as well.
Its so challenging have neurodivergent folks, a whole gaggle of them .... as I think of a friend who used that term for my clan once.
Gaggle of girls...
All Grown for most part, and none identify as a girl interestingly.
Its so funny as when June called we were catching up and I have let her know many times of the preferred pronouns of my clan.
Although not sure about the she.
That is a conception that I think wasn't even in consciousness when I was growing up.
I have articulated preferences for a long enough time now...
I mean well over a year.
for at least one of my now young adults. These are adults now.
So it was interesting that I hit that point of when in talking to June she asked, after I had already been giving an update of my family- and mentioned what kids are up to,
I responded, honestly confused "What girls"?
I literally was confused as already gave her the update of my kids.
And she reiterated... and I didn't overtly correct but said "Oh you mean MY kids?"
And I said . " Nothing. Well, last week they had a couple good days and enjoyed cooking"
It was just interesting to me as I see other parents venting on some of the forums of parents learning how to deal with their trans kids that the parents get REALLY defensive and protective and feel so personally offended when others do not respect their kid's choices of identity.
until that moment of annoyance at the friend who was told LONG AGO
I didn't expect it from her I think.
I think that was why I was irritated. I found it just that: Annoying. I felt really annoyed, and yes perhaps actually a bit angered by it.
I understand resistance.
Its been fascinating to listen to my transphobic friends respond. I mean I sat in a counselors office with my one teen as they were talking to their counselor and I was in the waiting room listening to perhaps the most vehement transphobic rant from my Gentleman friend in Buffalo as we hashed it out.
THANK GOD for white noise machines...so through the wall my kid in their session could not hear me.
He was trying to act like he was open but then wanted to play devils' advocate and it was really just clear he was not very open. I mean the anger in which some people respond when addressing this issue is astounding to me.
He went on a rant about how , if he as a business owner wanted to suddenly identify as a woman , could he?
To which I said "yes If you really want"
It was almost a funny conversation if I had captured the whole thing.. then it was the whole women in sports argument. There are so many strong arguments that the fear of trans women in sports is ridiculous ( I won't even go into them other than to say if you don't find this topic trying and boring and so obviously a dumb one to even argue about it is a hot news topic of late so can now do reading on own.)
At least after he duked it out and heard me out I think he, over time, had been respectful and at least doesn't act at all weird about conversing with me when I talk about my kids. He uses actual preferred names, he isn't acting judgmental in our interactions ever. He let me know his thought honestly and we had honest conversation and back and forth and intelligent argumentation about what our thoughts are.
I so prefer that discourse with honesty than the passive aggressive or refusal to acknowledge and continued pretending that my family is the same as it always was. That gets irritating.
The thing most trying for me however is the DEFENSIVENESS at times of one of my kids in particular.
I think it is getting better as I made it clear that even if someone has a preferred name, If I ON MISTAKE use a formerly identified name.... like the one I named the child I had with,,, and used for MOST of that child's life- that it is not meant to disrespect but just HABIT
It turns out that there is actually a higher incidence of trans persons among the autistic population.
Fascinating fun fact, right?
It is something I have observed as happen to know more than a few either autistic or parents of autistic whom lo and behold as years go by clearly then identify as trans.
So here is a book which is good for parents who are new to this and left with the puzzlement of figuring out how to best support their kids or even other family members:
And yeah, Many are born that way.
I am still not convinced it is all biology.
I mean , doesn't raising a child (regardless of biological gender?) play in?
I mean if you don't allow any manifestation of femininity, of girlhood, allowed in a girl child's life.....
well doesn't it MAKE SENSE that child would identify as a boy?
I mean ....
misogyny I think can play in, right??
But that is not what I came to write about.
Good Lord, give me patience....
OR wrong for me to have made fish with sides...
Give me a break, you can't eat fish.
You DON"T LIKE fish much but that is different than CAN'T EAT IT.
PICKY EATERS are aggrevating to deal with as NO I am not a short order cook.
As a mom I am happy to cook meals but I too have feelings and I am astounded at the selfishness of my children, a couple who are adults.
To be fair the one who has taken to cooking lately has been very reasonable and not complaining.
It occurred to me however, with the increidble pickiness of the youngest, the incredible meltdowns when going to school in kindergarten and first grade....
and other symptoms of the introverted child of the bunch....
Who was ADHD diagnosed early on but doing pretty well so stimulants didn't seem needed NOT hyper, was doing OK
MIGHT ALSO be on that autism spectrum.
I didn't see it before in her.
BUT I realized after bringing her to an allergist, simply as an afterthought because I was taking one of the other siblings and I know she has seasonal allergies and asthma that might was well go get allergy testing and see a specialist....
Well, it turns out she is allergic to JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING.
Her back swelled up in welts and the Dr. gave a couple different medications then and there on the spot right after the test given.
Three prescriptions walked away with and a recommendation for allergy shots.
This child has been exhausted and clearly depressed so perhaps feeling better might help if it is allergies that have been wiping her out. I think it moreso teen angst, COVID depression, Not being in school etc...
It was mainly to bring my other child, one with EDS, MCAS and GIRD to see the Dr. to rule out celiac or any other possible allergies before going to a gastroenterologist ( if I have the correct specialist here...) to further test...
but that pain is commonly associated with dysautonomia / MCAS somehow related... I think moreso than the EDS..
So many issues.
So yeah I GET IT that with that combination and chronic stomach pain it is hard to eat.
I have SO MANY OPTIONS in this house just now that it was ridiculous for me to be yelled at because of an unwillingness to prepare your own food!
The chronic illness thing is a reality.. but no matter how tired you are... to put a pot of water on and throw pasta in is not that much of a lift.
In any case I did made a delicious (I thought!) bean chicken masala soup. After all the complaining, the complainer TRIED it and said "That's not bad"
I do understand the fear of stomach pain is real. I get it if you can't eat excessive spicy, or certain foods.
But the food allergy test showed -- Get this
ONE , only ONE food allergy in this kid.
Of all things... RICE which frankly has been a staple for this kid.
So that is the one food to actually cut out.
Blood test still needs to be done for Celiac. I have to run this child over to the lab. Follow up schedule for allergy shot for the one and to bring in child #3 to go through the rounds of testing. ( I just couldn't take all three at once... two was enough. Will bring the one for the shot and the third in together!)
So back to the real rant.
"There is NO FOOD In this HOusE! When are you going shopping??"
I inventoried prepared food IN The FRIDGE
Leftover: Sausage and peppers
Fresh fruit: Cantaloupe, apples, oranges
Freezer with frozen veggies: Broccoli, Green Beans, Mixed veggies , Butter Beans, Black Eyes Peas
In pantry : Ramen, pastas to choose from (for real rigatoni, spagetti.)
Bread was finished last night ( one made the last of it for toast)
So YEAH I have to go to the store for BREAD, MILK and a few other things like TOFU.
But I am so sick of them acting like there is no food and they are STARVING.
This rant should resonate with other parents out there I am sure!!
My complainer today enjoyed an orange as I had taken one out and they commented "That orange smells good"
He then said "But I can't eat it , its acidic"
He ate it and was fine.
I asked "Do you EVER look in the vegetable drawer? We always have fruit"
My adult child answered:
"I don't like to touch fruit. I won't touch it as it might be smushy and bad and I can't tell until I touch it. I will only eat it if it is cut up and I know it is good"
I have adults at home that will only eat packaged food themselves. They are freaking out because we are out of PREPACKAGED food.
It is the KNOWN entity.
It is a fear of the unknown, the inability to handle a texture, a smell, a hypersensitivity to discomfort.
SO ANNOYING as I have not coddled them
It is real , very WEIRD AVERSION that a couple of my children have.
Just frustrating to have to hear the autistic meltdown when one is freaked out at the thought of having to TOUCH and prepare food.
That really was what the complaining was about.
but I did tell that child to get over that aversion and be responsible and open the darn drawer and LOOK FOR what is in there before going off on me. Be responsible to grab something to eat !! ITs not THAT HARD!!
OK done with long rant.
I suppose time to go to the store.
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