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2021-04-23 - 8:17 p.m.

Interesting week.
Very very tired.

I got a call from my friend I often walk with on Sat mornings but was busy at the time and meant to call her back.

I should... but am really ready to read and go to bed. Perhaps will call just to say quick hello. We didn't have plans for this weekend ( I know she is busy), but she is good about calling just to nurture friendship. That is something I don't tend to do with much intention.

I suppose it is something I should do more of...

but when done working I am tired and feel the need to rest after household chores done.

In my ostensible part time job I worked 8 hours today. There were things to do... things to be done timely... then the things done to be filed so they can be found later...
and the time to find the things filed previously that I could NOT find.... so I could get the things done that had to be done .


That organization of email, and files is the HARDEST part for me!

I am GREAT at coming up with a schema-
but not great at being consistent in then following THROUGH with putting things in orderly places once the places are established, or remembering where the places are!

Truth be told I am not THAT bad. I have found at work I often help others find things! but its the weird thing... I can help them but then have moments where I can't find my OWN stuff. I help them with where things are in shared drives. The problem I realize is for me any ONE OFF items. Things that are not like the other. Then I never know what I decided to do with them! Those are the things I can't find there are SO Many ways to organize - so which did I use???

"A place for everything, everything in its place" is SUCH A good mantra to simplify life, be efficient and then free up time for more personally valuable things.

But such is the challenge of the ADHD brain.

I had a good work week.

Only interrupted the CEO in our conversation TWICE this afternoon.


And he said so graciously "I'm sorry" as he kept talking ignoring that I just did that...
but then stopped myself from continuing..

I said " no, I am sorry as I interrupted" on one of the occasions
and he did not miss a beat and kept going.

It was rather awesome.
I am very impressed by his communication skills.

He also GETS It that there is a place for my skills being an asset.

I am NOT A PUSHY person, just EXCITED and sometimes get too excited and a bit impulsive
so try to CUT OFF that tendency and CONTROL it .

I do a fair job ( not great that is for sure) Some days a crappy job? (But that is at home when relaxing and letting guard down.

The thing is I LIKE this CEO as think his brain is similar to mine so I think he "Gets " ME


That is so critical to success in a working relationship
Which is essential for this to work long term, which is something that would be great if it does.

HE DID clearly appreciate that on a call with a downright AGRESSIVE super PUSHY obnoxious attorney I held my own.

Frankly that is where, as the VP I supported said "You are a rock star" YES I did get that compliment in the past.

It is my forte.
The space where lack of fear of interruption of others is a key asset.

I can spar with the best of uber aggressive obnoxious with calm, collected demeanor in a very rational and well thought out response on the fly.

I am just really gifted at EXTEMPORANOUS speaking.

NOT so with extemporaneously crafted emails, or normal chit chat and banter. Just in that odd sense that I can do that well in an intellectual debate.

It's so very quirky and I know this about myself.

I seem flighty but will remember with precision some essential detail months later, while forgetting if I sent out that email I drafted...
or where I saved that file...

And then I am capable of forgetting EVeN the things that OTHERS would have stress, panic, lose sleep over. I couldn't care less once I move onto the next thing--

I don't hold onto any stress or worry..

So that being said its a bit of a LIE that I walk away with NO stress held or I would not be writing now on a Friday night at 8:33.
Truth is more like I don't hold onto it FOR LONG.

I am writing now TO LET IT GO... so that not holding onto the stress of the current negotiation IS MY TRUTH NOW...

Onto other things.

The highlight of my week personally had to be meeting with a business coach,

OK but again, work and professional life related so not going to put any more energy into that until EARLY MON morning.

* deliverable due by 8:30AM (IF I write it I remember it better as that is the kind of thing I am inclined to work late on a FRI just so no possibility of forgetting. But I GOT THIS!!)

as a means of personal compensation for lack of skill.
In particular for lack of skill at keeping track of deadlines, time managment - and lack of skill at compensation for a POOR MEMORY.

So I need to use OTHER tactics to overcome challenges than WORKING LONGER And LATER just to avoid forgetting a deadline that is due,

Working EARLIER might be considered the SAME thing- but for me it is in fact VERY different.

I am a morning person. I do my best work with greatest efficiency in early mornings.
I thrived when I got up at 4AM to go for a run then work super early; or when I was a law school student got up at 4AM to do my studying/reading.

The crazy thing is in my last job I often started the day early, logging on at 7AM with consistency but then would be just a minute or so late in connecting for that 8:20AM call,

So the things I am working on (STILL ) are TRANSITIONS from one thing to the next with efficiency.

Its the ADHD challenge. There are steps to stop one task and shift gears and engage in another. MOST do them more quickly than the ADHD person. For some reason it is the kinks of those things regarding organization and the process of HOW work gets done that are a huge challenge. The executive functioning skill set- NOT to be mistaken for intellectual critical thinking.
A person can be intellectually BRILLIANT * think Einstein; yet have poor executive functioning skills.

In fact there are a fair # of leaders, CEOS, PREDIDENTS even ( ok I think I should take that out as an example.... recent history makes it a less compelling argument of arguing competence and skill at performing leadership roles despite executive functioning deficiencies.

Speaking of executive functioning deficiencies-
My biggest CHALLENGE this week was my teen and young adults.

I am not sure if it is Teenage brain
but it is like this is a pack of aliens dropped into my home who have no prior experience with any normative expectations, yet the look at me like I am the anomaly.

They look at me like I am the one who just entered their planet uninitiated with the culture, and I am just an idiot they have to chide and educate in the ways of their world.

Here is an actual conversation so you can see what I mean:

Teen: There are NOoooo clean glasses

Mom: That is because no one finished loading the dishes and ran the dishwasher.

Teen in Frustration: MOM that is because YOU leave all the dishes in the dishwasher but don't run it! You are supposed to run it ! Stop putting dishes in the dishwasher and not running it

YOUNG "ADULT" IN NAME ONLY NOT YET ADULTING : YES you don't unload the diswasher and there is no where to put the dishes so they have to go in the sink.

MOM: YOU could stop putting dirty dishes in the sink without looking in the dishwasher to see there is room in there for them. YOU should have put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher and run it. Then you would have had a clean glass. I have asked you NOT to leave dishes in the sink,
AND you could unload the dishwasher after it is run

TEEN The dirty dishes belong in the sink

YOUNG "ADULT" IN NAME ONLY NOT YET ADULTING The dishwasher should have CLEAN dishes in it and it doesn't cause you always put the dirty ones in but don't run it! " Wha , wha , wha , wha " ( htink of the peanuts sound effects for the noise of the adults that really makes no sense to children as this being went off on me on the same theme... forget the exact nonsensical words but the tone of voice was rather sharp, ugly and mean.... "When you put dishes in the dishwasher RUN IT!"

MOM : You both have this backwards- (as both of them walked away and went upstairs) Completely backward to the way most households run- MOST don't STORE clean dishes in a dishwasher but unload it and put them away and THEN when you dirty the dishes you can put them right into the dishwasher UNTIL FULL
and then run it ONLY WHEN FULL.
If I were to do what you are suggesting I would be running the dishwasher multiple times a day half empty which makes no sense whatsoever.

How is it I am the alien here in this home?

Just completely outnumbered by teenage brain

Its like one collective big brain that only speaks nonsense in my home is the dominant force right now.

I found it rather depressing yesterday after that nonsensical exchange.
Amazing to me that there is so little care for their environment or help with household chores and responsibilities from these young people.

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