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2021-05-17 - 7:11 p.m.

Reminding myself sometimes it is OK to not perform.

Just for a bit.

I am just REALLY TIRED today.

I lost my work flow late afternoon-- when have one last thing to do,
as someone sent out an email about a board meeting tonight, including a link.
Thing is, our meeting is NEXT week.

They made a mistake.

but it was a distraction to me.

I also had a proposal from a service provider pitching an idea and wanted that sent to the board before the board meeting. I thought the meeting was NEXT Week ( I was right) but the email coming in was a catalyst for me to get that final proposal and spend some time asking questions to clarify a few things- working on that to then draft email and send that to the board.

In other words...
I was interrupted in my work (JOB PAID WORK) by this ( today!) when it is not due til next week..
but I was tired...
and wanted to get it done just in case...
So I spent time on it and only at 6:30 pm get the email apologizing the meeting is NEXT MON at 7pm.

my energy is not infinite.

And I was going to send something on a NEGOTIATON of IMPORTANCE

so HAVE to get that done.

I am just so tired and didn't want to be tired when I tackle it. Thought a little rest... break would help.

But it ended up work... the volunteer work interrupted my intent for a little, SHORT nap. I really intended on just a 10 to 15 minute rest to refresh after a call; A call on which I was TIRED and not at my sharpest; but then saw this link sent for a meeting TONIGHT. (for which I was NOT prepared thinking it NEXT WEEK)..

So just a vent
as its not late yet when I stopped working for what I intended a short break.. but then the break got extended.. chatting with these beings in my home.. ( I won't even bother discussing our was more of same nonsensical conversation with alien beings I just don't get!) . So then I thought "Maybe I need more nutrition for energy" So then I did eat dinner. I had leftover salmon as the teen and young adult won't eat it.
Ate that hoping it would give me some energy.

Cause have to go back to work for at least a half hour to hour. NOT ALOT but I WANTED to be mentally sharp...
and not feeling it.

Just a bummer.

It occurred to me i likely should not wait until AFTER I get the ordered colonoscopy done to see my primary Dr. again.

I was thinking as she ordered that test get it done FIRST then schedule follow up. But it took so darn long to even get an appointment ...

and as I am having neuropathy symptoms in toes, tingly nerve endings... feeling pain on occasion ( like now. It is Better if I avoid caffeine so trying but when tired this afternoon with the one task to be done decided I needed caffeine so took the risk.... well confirmed caffeine exasperates that as now have tingling pain!! UGh), it occurred to me I shouldn't wait! and should schedule follow up sooner

I am also having joint pain, and feel like the inheritance of my mom and her mom before her of rheumatoid arthritis may have started to come into its own.

Fortunately few advances on that inheritance
(unlike my kids who have had chronic joint pain from early on!!); so I can't complain I have been spared this until recently.

My Dr. was aware of my anemia, ordered a colonoscopy "routine" as was ruling out any issues there ( as far as reason for lack of absorption of iron).

But I need to go to my Dr. and ask her to check kidneys. I have had a couple kidney infections in my life and the last time the Dr. Said they COULD test them, but thought OK to wait and see if any issues as they both occurred while young- relatively, and were spaced out widely from each other- one at age 6 one about 21.

So I never worried too much about that. But over the years I did have some pain, so avoided medications that seemed to cause a pain in the kidney area ( lithium in particular. I didn't like that side effect.)

Oh totally random medical theory: My oldest thinks I could be on the autism spectrum. I don't really see it- but see TRAITS. They are rather positive THEY are autistic, along with two half siblings we all believe are. (Rather obvious in them). But interestingly that actually DOES make sense in some respects.

So even if not full blown autistic-
I undoubtedly take things very literal at first read/hear... often.

So funny however my oldest thinks the bi-polar diagnosis is possibly a MISDiAGNOSIS and I am really just high functioning autistic * what they used to call Aspergers).

I don't quite see it.

But then again, in my life I have so many FRIENDS who seem to be similar it is not out of realm of possibility! The distinction between ADHD and Autism ( when high functioning) is hard to see sometimes.

So my oldest is convinced her DAD is autistic.

Hmmm... maybe.

And my 2nd husband very obviously so.

The whole family sees that!!

So why not me as well??

Kind of an interesting question. I didn't really think likely until a woman I know was revealing how she recently was diagnosed and how it made so much sense for her.

Fasincated me. As many of the things she said resonated with me.

So here is just one sort of checklist-- OK I check 13 or 14 out of the 20 questions here.


Hmm... interesting.

And now I am done procrastinating as taking a break and resting a bit after eating dinner, after dealing with the Arts org stuff.. isn't really making me less tired.

So just have to log back into the work computer ,push through and get it done.

I WAS just TOO Tired to cook. Came close to ordering a pizza but there were many leftovers and now I hear the other inhabitants fending for themselves... YES!

I hear "There is some leftover chili....."

They will survive no one cooking tonight.
I will go get the last of today's work done then get to bed early.
I think today was a day of being super tired and achy, with joint pain- then neuropothy as I ate SUGAR this AM!!! I asked Dr.s to test me for diabetes SO MANY TIMES as my body ACTS like, and always has acted like a diabetic or one with glucose intolerence. I eat sugar or carbs and just can't function. My kids made Cinnimon Roles last night. I didn't eat any then as was in bed at the time ( depite someone waking me!) but I had a fried egg and a cinnimon roll and I swear my body just can not handle sugar if I have not exercised! LAST Weekend I felt MUCH BETTER when I hiked and went for a run on Sunday morning. This weekend I was exhausted by Sat and RESTED. but I swear the rest and lack of exercise makes me feel worse.

So tomorrow is another day.

I think if I get to bed soon..
as soon as finish this ONE LAST TASK today..
and then get up early and exercise tomorrow maybe my body will remove whatever toxins ( sugar... etc... ) drink lots of water... get moving... and hope I feel better.

I rested due to joint pain but feel like the rest made it worse for me!! That and Turkey Soup for lunch which did not help. Its like my body has been stuck in REST mode for the past three days frankly.


Hope tomorrow I awake and snap out of this state!

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