Get your own diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2021-06-19 - 7:26 a.m.

Yesterday my 20 Yr old surprised me with a "Yes" when I said
" I am helping out with an art class, would you like to come?"

They were interested I believe as when a kid had won a donated prize of a painting that hangs in our kitchen of a watercolor of two turkeys after we ran a Turkey Trot in town, and the teacher was the same artist who painted that picture.

There was a raffle and a prize table and I can recall the delight in that moment of my kids number being called, winning the prize and getting to choose what they wanted from the choices of prizes.

So we went to the class where a few disabled artists came to paint. It was apparent just how challenged socially my kid is. Other than the BTS event they enjoyed and a few walks to the store just across the street my 20 yr old has not socialized with anyone but family here since we'll before the Covid pandemic.
Unfortunately there is pronounced aggressiveness triggered by defensiveness still in their communication they seem oblivious to.
The teacher is older and can not hear well. So the hearing of my kid introducing name and pronouns was itself a challenge. My kid kept raising their voice to be louder but seemed unaware that along with escalation in volume there was escalation of aggressiveness in tone.
The teacher was awesome in being understanding and patient in response but it was very disappointing and also eye opening to observe the interaction.
The kid fine for most part at home as there are few triggers here. The siblings know how to give each other space they need and enjoy companionship when they like. Of late two or three will be sitting playing a game and singing. The score of Anastasia has been harmonized and it is lovely to hear ( all of them were in chorus for years).
It is actually a shift to be a happy hone mire often than not.
But that anger is there.
Still there under the surface.

The least provocation can stir it in two of these three kids. They have little temperance and emotional regulation still it seems. They have learned of course not to physical respond with physical aggression like when kids did but the tone if voice is still vitriolic.

Both those two clearly are autistic (formerly called aspergers for higher functioning autism). Autism is primarily a communication disorder.

Communication is disordered.

That really about sums it up. A complete disconnect in understanding social norms and communication expectations with alignment of behavior. Rather no connection of seeking understanding and seeking to modify behavior in my one child. They seem to me to not care to try which is what I find sad. I say this as when a child my kid DID do very well socially! There is a marked regression and turning into self and lack of concern about others contributing to losing if skills. Thus us tge kid who at one point enjoyed Civil Air Patrol, who grew up playing little league baseball and singing in chorus. This US the kid that navigated school and won academic awards as at least when young was a capable student.

All that pre POTS, but not really...rather pre POTS as well as Autism diagnosed.

The #1 thing that I personally think has helped my child navigate the world successfully as a kid which is missing now is following advisement and taking prescribed medication following their Psychiatrist's care. AdHD meds, anti depressants and in particular a mood stabilizer ( Abilify works wonderfully) has a significant quality of life impact. ( For everyone! My quality of life is improved of course when kids moods are stable!)

Time to get this 20 yr old back to the Dr. While it is true my kid does not need to be medicated when only home, in order to venture out into the world it is clearly necessary in order to mitigate aggressive encounters.

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at!

WE have an AC unit thankfully as whole house AC is broken. - 2021-06-26


Travel finally happening again! YEAH I will have company soon. - 2021-06-25


Wow Does "Let us teach our kids our values" REALLY MEAN: I want to continue to teach White Supremacy? - 2021-06-23


The Three of Pentacles My Soul Mate Art - 2021-06-22


YEAH Travel is feasible again! This time kids are older and responsible for the dog too! - 2021-06-21