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2021-06-25 - 8:20 p.m.

We did it. My Buffalo guy and I navigated the painful moment of pushing through avoidance and lack of commitment to actually nail down a plan.

I had talked to him maybe a week ago about a tentative plan for him to visit here.
I sent an Air BNB that looked decent in the area ( there are no hotels in my town and frankly only a few marginal ones a couple towns over that are not that great.)

AirBNB no doubt the way to go; but one HAS TO BOOK EARLY as there are not really that many options.

So last night I called him to PUSH to GET IT DONE.

Because if he didn't commit to booking something chances are either he would be staying here with me and my crew ( fine by me but likely more relaxing and COMFORTABLE to stay elsewhere frankly) OR PAYING a ridiculous amount just to have a quiet space that is private and not seemingly an imposition of my clan.

My clan really would likely be FINE with him staying here. We are ALL finally vaccinated in this household by then.

But then again, if they ASK HIM if he is vaccinated and he says NO - well any one of them could decide he is just not welcome here!
and I would back that...
I Mean really..
how hard is it to get vaccinated?
Especially when you are a bachelor avoidant of commitment, never married, never INCLINED to be married and never inclined to have kids?

I mean REALLY what are the worries and fears? Can't be worried about affect on your DNA....
When you are already over 50 can't be too worried about affect on your fertility...
or on your own health...
I mean ....
look at the risks....

I didn't get a really clear response of why he is holding off on that but respect he is not eager to get vaccinated. So be it, that is his option. But when it comes to the family their interests and preferences in their home just have to come first of course. Now he SAID he is not necessarily opposed he in fact DID show up to get vaccinated a good couple months ago now but they ran out... LOL So I feel like the not being vaccinated is more so procrastination on his part ( yes his style!) than any fundamental opposition. Just NOT making it a priority as frankly no one in his life for whom he feels it is that important to get vaccinated to protect. That is really what I think it comes down to. He has no particular personal motivator to get it done. He (from his perspective) has stayed home for most part during the COVID pandemic. (Though it is clear he is out and about of late.)

Seems moreso to me indicative of his modus operandi that he does not act UNTIL he understands all there is to know about ANYTHING
resulting in INACTION
and just doing nothing more often than not.

So be it...
that is his style.

Just do that which is comfortable, familiar. predicable and routine.

SAME JOB for the last 30 plus years...
and it works for him.

SAME friends...
but he has many actually.

He is a very loyal and good friend to them.

But I KNEW that I needed to prod a bit to just get it done...

and it turned out it was a good thing. The place I liked showed up not available the nights wanted but only IF flexible and willing to book for four nights rather than two...

We had just a ridiculous conversation. It was so ridiculous and indicative of his decisioning, with inflexibility and not quite understanding or being open to doing something differently than he envisioned. I saw the inflexibility and not yielding and it was fascinating as I patiently navigated but suggested we try something different.

He was INSISTANT on looking at the MAP that accompanies the AirBNB interface and trying to pick a place that shows up linked to the map so we could both click it as the same time real time.

Trouble is I was on my phone so the map interface did not work. When I switched to the computer it did not load AT ALL and I saw just the bubbles of places but NO CONTEXT The actual map didn't even load at first.

I could NOT convince him to JUST SCROLL THE LISTINGS... and read to me and then we can click REAL TIME ones with SAME written description AT THE SAME TIME. We would achieve the SAME thing...

It was so funny HOW LITERAL he took things I said and then would not waver. So obvious to me he is on that autism spectrum like everyone else I know I SWEAR!! LOL

Its amazing to me!! This is beyond ADHD

ITs the traits that make others think the person is a weird control freak. YES THEY ARE but it is realty this brain that is stuck on something with inflexibility and the thing MAKES SO MUCH SENSE to the person they just won't let go of the notion and try something different.

It was rather amusing to kind of detachedly observe our conversation as we had it.


FINALLY I realized I didn't have to ACTUALLY SEE THE MAP or really see what he saw AT ALL.
I could just go with it and listen to what he said and make decisions with him regardless....
so I let go of control.

That was all it took to get it done.

But the funniest thing was he asked if I prefered a place in any particular direction from where I live. I said "West, Definately west is prettier"

but then if I saw a listing and mentioned he would be looking at the map and not seeing it.. then he would find it and say "but that is south""

which I didnt really CARE..
it was hilarious him holding me to that looking at what was west until I finally said "I don't CARE Where it is as long as it is nice- SOUTH IS FINE"

the whole thing was ridiculous and laborous and took far longer than it should have.

This is why in the past I was like "PLEASE LET ME JUST BOOK A PLACE - TRUST ME ON THIS...SO I CAN GET it done"

But I only do that when have budget for it... and just now ZERO expendible income as have to be prepared for a vacation without pay. ( One drawback of NOT being a full time employee with full benefits. When I don't work I don't get paid).

My evening started equally bizarre and frustrating actually. I made a donation to an org with an international refugee film festival this year. On the 4th Thu of each month they show one of the films.

One of the most remarkable shown was Sonita

about the youngest rap artist in Afghanistan

There were a few other remarkable films I was so grateful to have watched. Just wonderful personal stories. Another was the nuanced story of a Texas town handling an influx of Vietnamese refugees entering and competing in the fishing industry.

So last night was the Thursday of the movie in the series. NONE of my household had interest in watching a movie with me.

I decided to call my friend who owns the winery who does enjoy at times putting a movie on to try to relax for a bit. ( Although half the time he doesn't sit down and keeps going, but eventually USUALLY WILL finally come and lay down on the couch and relax and doze while I watch the film. He ALWAYS Falls asleep! But he does eventually relax!)

So I called my friend and he said "Sure come over"
and I arrived just a few minutes after 7. I had logged into the film festival and was listening to the precursor conversation as they introduced the night's movie-

WHICH was a short 20 minute documentary about TPS: Temporary Protected Status.

Oh my, it was an ugly next hour.
I mean the arguing over this issue.
The antithesis of spending time to relax with a friend.

I truly had no intention of being incindiary and forcing a debate about this topic.
I REALLY just wanted to relax and watch one of the movies shown in peace with a friend that likes a good movie!

Just a waste of time frankly,

So at least after that fiasco I was able to go home and nail down the plans for my Buffalo beau to visit here.

We ended up finding a decent room for rent for $50 a night plus a REASONABLE cleaning fee and taxes. There was one place that looked great until the check out made no sense and the final price was close to double what we expected based on the advertised nightly rate. When traveled to NY and used AirBNB last time I used it I recall being dinged by a hidden high cleaning fee per night that was not clearly articulated in the posting. So that was a bummer, as had to carefully review to ensure not additional hidden fees.

There were some funny finds on AirBnB locally. I knew some of the actual properties that are in my old family neighborhood.

We booked a room on a nearby horse farm for about $70 a night after all fees/taxes. Idyliic views... etc..for the country escape.

Kinda like where I used to live.
It is a fair representation of life here. I think it will be enjoyable for us to stay there a couple nights when my guy is in town. Good location close to things we may want to see/do, my favorite hiking spot, town, and a comfortable place to hang out and relax taking in the peace and scenery.

We will of course hang at my house in my yard and neighborhood a bit, but good to have a private space too.

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