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2021-07-18 - 9:29 a.m.

I slept late then twittered away an hour just resting still as was tired.

I really don't understand folks that drink. I just don't get it. Especially as the body ages and needs more rest.
I mean why prematurely age oneself and not seek help if it is obvious that there is negative impact on ones life.

The triggering of my friend who felt I was harping on him was when I was helping carry stuff from the car to the place we were staying on Thu night

and he was choosing his beverage to bring in the house from his cooler ( packed to bring to his gathering with friends); and he had a few cans of locally Buffalo brewed things in hand and I was actually not at all judging his drinking in the moment but perplexed as our hands were full,

and I already had a the couple of cans in hand and he was still looking and I commented , actually perplexed and wondering
"You have a couple here... I am not drinking any, how many do you need?"

Thinking a legit question.

I just hate people who are defensive about who they are and what their needs in a moment are based on who they are in that moment.

I mean it is so much EASIER hanging with someone self aware and not secure about their reality of their drinking.

It is tiresome to have someone project being judged when they are not being judged.

I mean to me it is clear my friend drinks alot.
It is also clear he has some issues related to this and I don't understand his reluctance to get help when HE is aware of this as well.

So I just make MY CHOICES accordingly...
as in
happy to hang with him a couple times a year ( in non COVID years....)

as he has ability to temper himself and enjoys time with me.

But it is clear when he does that he REDUCES his drinking.

I get that as he makes comments... that indicate such....

But it would clearly not be healthy for me to be in any relationship other than the enjoy your company once in a while.

For me I spend time with him as the enjoyable times outweigh the unenjoyable but it is still tiring for me to deal with so I am just venting over the small moments.
In the scheme of things they are small.
I just need to vent about those

and of course have no emotional need to write and release the joy!! NO I want to EMBRACE And amplify the joy.

The writing for me is the carthartic letting go so I can go be fully present with joy.

So got that out of my system as the projection of being judgemental when I haven't makes me disappointed.

But I wonder... What kind of face was I making when I asked that seeming to me non judgemental question?


Oh yeah... body language speaks too. Sometimes the unconsious revealed....

Maybe I do judge that which I don't understand.

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