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2021-08-01 - 9:34 a.m.

So achy and tired again this morning. Just so happy I don't have to work full time, or more, hours each week as my body doesn't do as well as when I have more time to recharge and rest.

I need that balance.

The job as a receptionist is EASY and NOT STRENUOUS

so I am surprised at how exhausted I am after working those extra shifts there all week long.

I didn't have one actual full day off and that makes a difference.

So glad to work this so the gal can enjoy her week of rest and recharge who I am filling in for;

and grateful for this part time job which is going to a 401K so I have a bit more in retirement. I earn about 5K a year at this job which is saved.

Off to church this morning. I said no to joining the choir as I can't fathom getting there by 9 to sing. I just do not have the energy.

I asked my kids here if they would go to the beach for a couple nights of beach camping.

NONE interested.

Only one more possible weekend to do SOMETHING with these kids. I wish I could find SOMETHING they would do with me out of the house as a family. They reject every idea which I think is sad not just for me but in general.

AS children these kids also resisted ANYTHING that was not in their experience before however ONCE WE GOT THERE THEY ENJOYED IT!

Of course moments of not enjoying being out and about as well.

I get it... the meltdowns...etc..

but I liked to think the positives were stronger than the negatives in their experiences.

Maybe that was not actually so.

Maybe that is so for ME and is so for their older two siblings who ALSO had those moments of meltdown and being unhappy when it required much energy (like navigating Hershey Park they complained but later talked fondly of it comes to mind.)

But my memory does not fail that the younger ones TOO WERE HAPPY When I got them out and did things.

They were THRILLED when I took them to Hershey park one Easter.

It is just weird that they don't seem to recall the postives as much as they recall the negatives.

FOR ANYTHING it seems.
They are in such a negative head space and my efforts to help are nil. My efforts to get them to counseling failied miserably despite multiple attempts and multiple counselors in recent years.

ONE takes care of their own mental health...ever so slowly.

Another resists (actually two others resist) any mental health care. One says it is BS.

OK then, I know not to waste my energy and time on trying to bring them anymore. It was self sabotaged by them.

I jsut wish the 16 yr old would SHOW UP to TRY THINGS. CAn leave if not working... but I wish would TRY ...

as in past they ENJOYED BAND CAMP for example...
which is next week.

Speaking of the 16 yr old the living room mess was removed all but one last box and one last pile on the organ bench which became the catch all table for teen.

I have let it be until the day that the teen was open to help and we got MOST Of that mess cleaned up. I finally had the euphoric trip to the thrift store with the clothes all washed and ready to donate that I wish their Dad had courtosey of lookignat at rather than removing from his attic to my living room as they were small girls clothes. I mean sizes 10-14 which were obviously not going to fit when he just dropped off all he had in his attic of this kid to my home.

SO I finished going through that FINALLY.

And cleaned up some stuff in my foyer belonging to my friend who is storing her car her for a bit. June is traveling and I said sure you can park the car here as I drove her to the airport.

Unfortunately the battery died. I was moving it periodically. I also when opening it found some moisture on items of bedding in the back, I therefore took it all out and washed it all. It sat cluttering my foyer for a few weeks. Finally got around to cleaning it all, packing it in bags for protection and got it back in her car.

This week I will jump the car to move it around so it doesn't get towed. Of course it is now while the car is stored here I get a letter asking for confirmation of who lives here and notice they are paving so we shall get instructions in next week or so as to where to move our cars to for the paving of our streets.

Grateful actually the HOA does a nice job of taking care of this neighborhood. I am one of the few appreciative of them without anything but gratitude EVEN THOUGH they did tow my car the very first night I moved in as it had at the time an expired inspection sticker! LOL They are hypervigilant....
and even though they are racist (some at least).

I still appreciate they don't want rats as our residents. (RATS have been a problem to mitigate in past.)

I don't appreciate their racism so call that out when it emerges in what I try to be both an effective way and not caustic so the message is not heard and considered. It is the unconscious bias many don't even have awareness of that we can help them see without blaming and shaming in the moment. Like the paranoid thread about the stranger...

who was actually a new neighbor.

That kind of crap, based on the neighbor not looking like and talking like the majority has to be called out for it to hopefully stop.

I am just tired.
Iorning my dress and heading to church. Was so RELIEVED I had a few minutes to write as even if it is dribble and I don't say much it is somehow really meditative and relaxing and centering for me to do so.

The typing and click of the keyboard along a bit of a mantra.

Have a blessed day all. I will remember to keep the boy at Paris Island in prayers and ask you to do same. I did some reading on what happens to recruits in medical there and is NOT encouraging. Article such as something like "The Marines' best kept shameful secret"...

granted it was from 2012. Just hope things have changed. THere is an eval period to assess eligibility for disability ...short term.. long term...workmans comp etc... sorting out bureaucratic processes which are either not clear, not developed well to be efficient or developed with such inefficiency nothing gets done.

I am guessing one of those things where people avoid being accountable fof decisioning...
and if not a clear process of who is accountable NOTHING HAPPENS


I have seen that too often. I know Air Force leadership really taking on that issue of paralyzed by process.

Not sure about the Marines.
But it was in the past a big problem.

So for the few times a recruit was hurt IN PAST there were times they were just STUCK there in this medical status FOR MONTHS treated like a recruit in not being able to communicate with the outside world, but not a recruit with status and earned privalends....
in military every privalend is earned ....

so it is kinda like being imprisoned but one agreedt o that when signed up.

But not expected to be stuck in a kind of purgatory.

I feel like that is the status for this injured young man.
So keep him in prayers; and his family they have support and love they need to handle this reality rather than what they all hoped for.

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