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2021-09-18 - 6:59 p.m.

A friend of mine wrote a Facebook post I just read about how he is so nostalgic and embraces this on himself even if some find him weird and childish. He loves to remember the things that brought joy in his challenging childhood. Do as an adult he fully chose to embrace that which brings him joy and has Snoopy decor, including curtains and Snoopy doghouse in his yard.

I responded that I read an article that nostalgia is a way to create connection and attachment in other words: love. It is helpful to combat loneliness!

Then I realized my discomfort with the what O see as odd nostalgic musings of my guy friend is my thinking tge love us contrived Nd less real as we don't really have all that many shared experiences. Yet he acts deeply nostalgic about each one and I realized my dismissive emotional response ( internal never shared but my actual initial reaction) is likely just me own fear.

It is my own block to accepting his love.
My own stuff is why I focus on his imperfection.

Sure he is a drinker and also has his own blocks to physical intimacy but I likely have more blocks to emotional intimacy which is a revelation to me.

I vascular as when really connecting with him fontbfeel thus waym o thinknit is where my head brings me when I am not sharing space and time with him.


That is not to say this relationship is viable to growth. I am not sure it is. I feel like he has a need for alcohol not met when he spends time with me and that leads him to not want to just come spend time here with me in my dry home. I also have a need for a healthy lifestyle with balance of physical exercise and some time for self alone that I find hard to enjoy when I visit him. I mean he is super supportive of me going off to do things with others without him butvI also need time alone in the shared space. When home St his place that is not something he naturally respects or understands need of as he doesn't seem to have that need to the extent I do.

This us a common tension between couples! I mean itvwpukd be hard to just sit and read a novel when with him I think. I have seen that kind of behavior before and it's a red flag for me. I recall a boyfriend irritated I was reading a novel in the car as we enjoyed a long drive on a Sunday afternoon. He wanted my attention only on him and got angry ot seemed! Sign of narcissistic tendency I thought!

Well in any case reading my friends post and my reaction made me feel a bit...well..


Made me want to call my Buffalo lover as it helped me appreciate he is offering love in those moments of sharing by talking of the lovely times we shared together.

Even if...

Ok I won't go there...was going to day how we each have distinct different things as the highlight of any shared time. ....but I will stop and not focus on differences. Different is why we each learn from each other different is interesting and sometimes new and exciting. Different is good!!

In other news I jumped quickly up on a chair with a paper in hand and captured a stink bug that was on the living room ceiling then came down sideways on my left ankle.

I cursed
Hopped over to the kitchen..well kina crawled actually then and then tested to see if it could carry weight ( just for a sec) and yes ....
So hopped up to get the ice pack from the freezer.

And nixed my plan of just then finishing final sanding then touch up painting of the living room. I DID one test section and am pleased it dried to be a match! (Paint was in basement).

So much for touch up for the appraisal I have Mon morning for a refinance.

Ce la vie.
It is what it is.

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