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2021-10-09 - 8:44 a.m.

I do fall into the waste time on social media trap occasionally.

Not too often... but the thing is.. this super hot lover is on social media.
That is not really how we connected; but sorta ... it was a tool for communication.

So when I think of him it kinda just spurs me to think of that tool

and then I go there and not even the looking at his stuff at all but more so the ADHD brain thing..
this is how my brain works:

I awoke to the lovely morning
was kinda in this dream state just laying there envisioning this beautiful FORM of the BODY of this gorgeous man

I mean truth to say I never had a love with a BODY this beautiful

and I was thinking how after all those years of modeling; and sitting for artists and watching the painters and the sculptures work it was really this moment of being there entangled with him when I had this GEORGOUS VISUAL

I mean if I were an artist

It was the view from his waist up
and just how the light coming in from the window at night cast this glow on his skin
and highlighted his form
the muscles
the shape of him

I mean I think this man is gorgeous

And it is a REALLY FUNNY Delightful surprise

Cause you know there are some people that KNOW THEIR BEAUTY and their ATTRACTIVENESS-- either male of female
and FLAUNT IT OR JUST demonstrate and share it and capitalize with such freedom dressing to celebrate and EXHIBIT their gift of beauty just in a way everyone is aware of this and appreciates it.

But this man
is VERY Private
Is very unassuming
Dresses for comfort and his own security
And frankly informed by his love of his sport that he will spend his time getting lost in for hours in flow

(He is particularly good as an athlete at one of his passions. And it WAS his life)

So the thing is

This moment was such a SURPRISE

OK so that was not all in my mind... yet as I awoke this was my thought process I intended to capture:

" WOW I thought in that moment of taking him in visually if I had a hunk of clay THIS IS THE IMAGE I WOULD CAPTURE
I am going to call him DAVID.
YES that is his knickname"

I was thinking "I want to see that statue- I can envision it- and it is a good enough likeness I have an affinity for that Michelangelo statue as there was a replication of it in Delaware Park where i used to run. Heck I feel like I have written about that before. YES DAVID
I should google it to confirm

my mind immediately went to wanting to WRITE I guess... so then I turned on the computer and of COURSE GOT DISTRACTED as went to FB


and somehow read some dumb comment on the evil of Healthcare systems requiring their employees be vaccinated.

OK let me be kind... and angry comment from a nurse. I get it from the perspective of young child bearing age women.
I give them a pass for being ANTI VAX I think the REST of the anti vaxers are dumb but respect those women who don't trust birth defects might result and not be known of until a bit longer...

they are of course quite reasonable to have that worry and concern.

but I got sucked in.

So here it is 9AM already!! CRAP Social media such a time sucker!! I could have relaxed and it would be a better use of time to watch bad TV Even!!

Funny I think that was my next thought

My brain went from DAVID to thinking "Hey maybe I should just chill and watch netflix for a bit before getting up and about"

that was my intent... but then I for some reason thought of Love Victor and then had the fantasy .." What if...I invited my homophobic friend who has had to come to terms with his trans child he now accepts to go to PLAGG meeting... these TV shows don't QUITE Show the REAL conversations. I mean they are so CODIAL even in their representation of the arguments..."
and I was thinking of the REAL LIFE RANTS of that DAD when he first was grappling and how HELL NO I NEVER could get him to walk into a PFLAGG meeting... just not even remotely realistic... and was thinking what a FANTASY TV Is! I mean even TV Shows dealing with painful topic don't want to show the ACTUAL Violence and vitriol to the extent of true ugliness. I think those of us who have been through some real shit- real trauma are of course saddened that even the most contrived depiction can never be as terrifying or as acutely painful and aggressive. It makes me sad I think to be DESENSITISED in a way that what is shocking to many is not to me.


So here for your pleasure and moment of learning is DAVID

Somehow I did not realize that is is DAVID from DAVID and GOLIATH ( or I forgot).

Likeness not good at all- but for it being an aesthetically pleasing naked man!
But I STILL like the knickname. My David is much taller as in REALLY TALL

Not quite as muscular but darn close.... I mean has a body in such great shape... with these super strong LEGS I mean the body of an athlete...
I never had a lover that was an athlete.

But this man is well rounded. I feel like he is a bit of an underdog that fought his battles in life for real.
I mean I know SO CLEARLY Why I find HIS PERSON Attractive

Super smart
caring of others
but private
HONESTLY his lifestyle is akin to my family

QUIET ; goes to work with focus and passion; comes home to do what he loves
a homebody

but also has friends his "tribe" who I kinda KNOW in a sense... I mean I actually do know a couple of them. I know his brother who I worked with I know his mother who is an acquaintance/friendly We like each other We have shared a few conversations I have been to her home
been to a party just was in the immediate social circle due to shared circumstances in community
but never got that close ; I mean she is older than me- just a generation

I laugh at the irony of the fact I was encouraging her to jump into the game of job hunting to get back to the professional job SHE WAS GREAT AT and I advised her to just play the game of coloring your hair as YES AGE Discrimination is REAL

She had been working a local shop
with tremendous skill and education and experience who worked as a Project Manager in Telecom years before

But was home with kids for years;
raised her sons

I gave her the pep rally - to just believe in herself and jump back in and encouraged her

and honestly think it was so great to see her then actually LOOK ten years younger when she colored her hair. We shared many a conversation now that I think about it. Some deeply personal conversations. Sometimes I forget but of course I know much of her son through her. I know of their shared family history and it is so analogous and so similar and so FAMILIAR that we are survivors who came out of the other side. We have this kindred spirit sense, but fortunatley not just the shared experiences of trauma but cultural and familial history. This is a good Irish Catholic family! LOL YES and the Northeast raised with hard working background but also a writer in the legacy. YES A professional writer. I feel like that gift is in the soul of David who is exceptionaly talented as a writer. I mean he can craft or tell a story like the best druken Irishman you could imagine!! LOL I know why the attraction feels so viscerally storng for me- I mean one of my favorite movies is The Brothers McMillian as it reminds me of my own brother; and this man with Irish roots and family in New England- but Boston area in particular just had that DNA from the BONES kinda familiarity which brings just inherent TRUST of the familiar in this very interesting and clear way to me. Yet he was raised HERE in this VA space and place my youngest kids were raised in. Went to the same schools and just GETS this world of mine with such completeness no one else ever has. Its like his family was not from here but settled here with northern sensibilities and education and fell in love with the beauty of this SPACE. They were raised in the town I looked at a house in - the one town I considered other than this home; but I chose this space but it is funny to me that is where his early childhood was before he moved to the town I am in now. But I digress again- I have a habit of coming back to edit ( occasionally!) but then don't just correct spelling but KEEP writing. ( rambling on more like it)

YES a pop of color CAN make some women look younger.


THEN it was SO good to she landed a job using her professional skills again! She looked so much HAPPIER!

So I think it is a bit ironic that now her son and I connected and I actually have let my natural hair grow out.

Its ironic and hilarious to me.

I am rocking the grey in front and the back of my hair is salt and pepper. My natural color is very dark brown- almost black. Much darker than the auburn and reds and of late light auburn red color.
But all the color is hidden by the grey which is what you see!

It will be fun to see how it all grows out.

Unless a turn off... as one of my girl friends and I were chatting I asked " So I always said I color my hair just to play the job hunting game; once in a job and it is going well and I feel a bit settled I will go grey. Is it just DUMB to be considering coloring as I don't want grey hair to possibly be a TURN OFF to this young lover? I mean last time I saw him I hadn't let the grey grow... What if he calls and its then a turn off?"

We laughed about it..
and decided HELL NO
to color ones hair to maintain a good sex life a VERY VALID ACT OF SELF CARE

Not changing self for a man LOL
NO But taking care of self to meet own desires!

Ok then.

I said to her "I also have this REALLY GOOD hair dye- first time I spent money on the GOOD stuff rather than the cheap clearance crap; as I took the teens to a beauty supply store"

and truth is I don't want to WASTE it-
but am also digging how the hair is growing out.
So I had this dilemma ( regardless of David-- OK going to use that name for him).

When he was here I said "Hope you don't mind my highlights" and did ask! Heck I want honesty...
he said "not at all"

So hope he was not lying! LOL But the thing is he is so PRESENT with ME
I like the way he LOOKS and me and TALKS with me and our physical chemistry and touch feels so good

so different

EVEN if we are clearly celebrating and choosing the super fun choice of this being , oh make no mistake about it-
shared sexual encounters

It hard to describe that.

OH but to also add

I like the way he kisses me.

YES I told him before he left as he kissed me "This is the best part"

He said
" Yes; it is soul connecting"

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