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2021-11-17 - 6:49 a.m.

Up early and want to go swimming.

So short morning pages today as not alot to dump which is just great!

Life is good...
I already awoke and did some reading.
But first i need to clean house and search for my missing phone! I ordered a NEW phone and it arrived. I distinctly recally putting the small brown box on top of a stool as was busy and could not deal with it then.

But I can't find it.

SO WEIRD

This is the NEW cell phone ordered to replace the old one that was lost

SO up and at it

If I can swim great this AM IF NOT I have to try to REMEMBER to stop work and take a lunch break for a swim. HECK I did that in college often!!

Its just not my routine.. but could easily be.

I love my work schedule as easily can fit in all my work hours ang get things done timely AND carve out time for exercise and family needs and guitar practice, writing.

I am working with a professional coach to get my own business up and running and expect a branding package and web design proposal in my email for consideration any day now after an initial call from a talented web designer/

I also likley should get a quote from the guy our arts org used as he is outstanding.

One of my kids has a partner who works in that space but is busy and I don't want to put it on them if I can find someone that I know is great and if I can afford to hire and just get it done.

That is important as I can then pick up just a select few clients for income- but moreso for earning potential in the future not now. But after the kids here are off to college when I have more time..
Empty nests are a huge life change. I am therfore birthing my own business so when that happens I am ready to rock and roll.

I will write then more as well- I have a couple professional articles in mind in my work space.
I hope to be a thought leader/ influencer
Motivated by me having the abilty to be creative and see things differently than many
A DEFINATE GIFT

which is an asset when I have worked on process improvement.

I am great at seeing when compliance turned into paranoid overkill

Documentation and checks and balances are important but in the finanacial mortgage market space for instance ( where I worked a while) there were ridiculous operations inefficiencies frmo overkill of checks and balances. You can have oversight and checks and balances without redundancy and multiple layers of management checking the checkers... then validating the checking of the checkers.. then interanally auding that process... then auditing the auditors...

etc..
You get the idea.
It was hilarious to me to see the unnecessarily complicated systems
and then how they STILL WOULD FAIL at times at accountability and actually checking quality and accuracy
as if the process is complicated and then no one follows it...
there are so many folks in it no one person accoutible.

BUT I DIGRESS

was not going to write..

But did LOL
I write quickly

that was all of 15 min.
Time to go FIND THe DAMN PHONEs.....came here actually not to write but to read.
Deconstructing the exact day the first phone was lost; and the 2nd phone was lost...

as was thinking

WAIT Only two options
I lost it here
or it was lifted.

Now I have written of my bestie who I really actually trust and don't thikn would ever steal a phone from me

but how the thought was NO ONE WAS HERE when I first lost my phone and then realized she had been here. And was like Well... she was honest in sharing at times had compulsive behavior WHEN A TEEN and I love her but maybe possible she just had the behaior- not willfully??

possibility?? If not feeling well and psycological symptom re-emerged?

but then there were the things my ex said disappeared he thought she took.. so perhaps a well hidden CHOicE? NOT impossible no matter how much I emotionally could love and trust someone
and when signs....
well makes that possibility one to just accept...
I just am like

OK whatever--- just be careful with paying attention myself
and let it be

I don't really care its only a fucking phone and can be replaced was my thought

a small inconvenience
and I love my fucked up friend
we all have SOME issue.... some just weirder than others as long as I am not being hurt.

and as long as its only my things that once in a while go missing ( AGAIN WITH THE CAVEAT OF ADHD BEING THE LIKELY CRIMINAL HERE...)

I still am most in belief that the shit I lose is here somewhere wherever I left it last OR Wherever a teen moved it to. Maybe someone needed the stool to get to a high shelf...

So I will clean house, straighten and look for it.

BUT THEN I remembered.. .weird I never found the phone missing ( the first one had it been here) when I cleaned before my lover came over....


AH HA.... ,my lover came over...
and sudden realization my bestie who stopped by briefly when I was not home to drop off something for me and my teen let her in...
WAS NOT the only other person here.
I met my lover at the door and escorted him as he was with me the whole time; into the basement where we spent time together and then I walked him out. OK that was THU night... but... when was the LAST time he was here? Before or AFTER the initial missing phone went missing?

Trust but verify...

I just want to go back and read my journaling to see if he is suspect for the 1rst missing phone? He was her one other time recently and need to see if that was before or after then. I first connected with him last April but he has only been here twice ( and both recently.)

Man I so hope the phone shows up.
BUT I am going to review this to take note of possibilities...

Trust but verify.

And don't be dumb no matter HOW you FEEL
Be sure to think as well.
I have honestly known this man for ten years but not well. Just acquaintance. I actually worked with his brother and am friendly with his Mom--- but That doesn't mean I KNOW him. That doesn't mean he has yet earned trust from me. I mean I TRUST him when with him and that alone is huge for me. I FEEL SAFE when with him and that alone is huge for me- to even be able to let go with a man. I mean it is so marvelous to be emotionally open at all-- feels different than in past.
I just hope he is worthy! LOL Truly though...


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