2021-11-17 - 8:07 a.m.

OK confirmed lover boy was not here when I lost my first phone.
He was here well BEFORE that day of my either taking it to the Dr. office and losing it there; leaving it in my car and not being mindful of locking; OR leaving it on my shelf when got home from where it then disappeared.

HE is not a suspect in the first missing phone.

He WAS Here when the NEW phone in the new brown small box disappeared. I have a shitty memory but reviewed notes... and timeline of appts... etc.

WHEW I am so glad as he is not a suspect if it was lifted. The fact I was WITH HIM and escorted him in and out-- and that his hands were on me all the damn time frankly LOL
makes it not possible he could have lifted the box... no

WHEW HE is not a suspect in the 2nd missing phone either.

I so need to have this man in my life and trust him.

Trust comes hard to me-

So thankful for that and will not self sabotage.

I just worry about my own being obsessed and am keeping the balance to be healthy...

I SWEAR he is an addictive personality type JUST LIKE ME who does not succumb to addictions..

I mean I know it is my personality but I have never been a drinker or drug user
and it manifests in intensity of working on a passion; be it a job or a hobby.

HE seems very much that type of person.

But also had recognized his drinking was not good for him. He was getting migranes for one- and so quit driking. But I think it is more than that. He did post somethign about celebrating his sobriety

He wrote that in Early April he hit six months alcohol free for the first time in a decade.

That is still status quo.

I hope he chooses to remain sober and doesn't become deceived that he is not an alcoholic ( IF IN FACT he is one that is... maybe he is not- yes it is possible; but I am thinking not likely that he is not to be honest--- I mean if someone has been drinking regularly for years.... and had an identified issue... hmmm I think it doesn't just disappear and go away because you stop drinking. I think it it more biochemical than just a choice of behavior.....) Just because he could so easily stop the drinking and be sober... IDK maybe it being easy to stop is a good sign of NOT being an alcoholic? BUT I don't trust it was easy... hmmm..... I just know too many deceive themselves.

That is the mistake some alcoholics make.
They think because they could quit they did not have the addiction and then make the mistake of taking a drink again.

My fear is one can replace one addiction with another so why play by re-entering something that was destructive in your life with which you DID have trouble having control of and self control when under influence of if your life is so much better without it?

IDK if he really is an alcoholic who is dry now; He does not think so

But I just hope he is not deceived

In any case-

When he shared that with me that he has been sober ( I though he told me since last Jan? when he talked to me about it... but his post I later saw would be since last Nov? hmm... which would be a full year coming up.) I just laughed and told him how my girlfriend had joked "you do have a type. Its the alcoholic"

DANG

WTF is that about?

I still can't quite figure it out...
other than I am lucky I have never been a drinker and I think it is the intense passion - the intensity of such personalities that they bring to EVERYTHING they do.
It think that has to be it.

The resonance of the energy being attractive-

and it is so hard to describe as this man is quite, introverted, reflective, thoughtful

The energy is not just a physical thing
but a spiritual plane

and I think very real that each person carries a certain kind of energy; of vibe and we are attracted to certain kinds for some reason or another hard to quite ever cognitively grasp.
OK Back to straigtening ... and checking on teen to drive to school... decaf hot tea and breakfast then
ROCK IT AT WORK.

Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE MY JOB.

I feel mentally alert today. Its so funny how my brain feels so different today than it did yesterday!! REALLY

CLEAR
FOCUSED

Thank God - in a good place for a negotiation.
Thank GOD all things come to us when we need them. I believe that- even our wits and ability : ) I didn't need those on top game yesterday but today do. That is just OK! I am OK with the inconsistencies as just plan my tasks accordingly. Low mental energy and mental foggy days are rare but when they do happen there is still valuable work I am capable of doing.
AND THEN
it feels SO GOOD to awake the next day with that moment GONE

feeling refreshed, sharp and READY.

A good sound sleep helped much. AH AS the dog went to the teens room. CORRELATION of if the dog is here and needs to get up in the middle of the night as hears one of the teens awake. IF my teens are on a normal sleep schedule and they don't get up they don't rouse the dog ( she smells ANY FOOD they have! Her senses strong!) and then I get a good night sleep.
My sleep disruption happens because of theirs.

SO GLAD they both slept all through last night; as likewise so did we all- dog included.

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