2021-11-22 - 9:11 a.m.
Good Morning! I got up, slept in just a tad bit more while planning my day; then overcame urge to be lazy
See what happens when one is pushed into the position of having to level up and take self responsibility:
I came home in time to drive my kid to school
And the kid had walked.
Instead of her complaining I was not back early enjough for her desire
She took self responsibility.
I do think my oldest child is brilliant.
Literally ALL my kids struggle.
Some push through and ask for help when needed
There are others who would prefer to act like do to disability they have such limited ability and need to overcome that mindset "I can't"
So where is the line between supporting a disabled person with exceptional challenges who at TIMES CAN'T FUNCTION
THat is the question
The answer lies in this:
Enabling begins first and foremost when one lies to THEMSELF to say and then sometimes even belive the "I Can't"
when the reality it-
WE ALL have to learn to function and mitigate our pain
push though the reasonable amount of pain our systems CAN HANDLE to achieve goals that are going to then actually contribute to our mental and physical health.
That is when one starts process of dying
FOR SOME that is their time of their life and that is OK
IT is awful for the rest of us and sad and heartbreaking for the rest of us
BE it terminal
OR just a temporary illness
FOR SOME KNOW it is not their time and will gracefully push thorough.
But for others they know and accept their time here has come.
But I think enabling is when rather than caring for one in need of rest and place to just be and heal
one is manipulated
So don't ever feel bad when you help soemone out of love.
as far as I am concerned there is only one comlicit in enabling
It is the one lying to themself and not allowing themself to aspire to be who they can be- to aspire to grow and push themselves to level up
It is no one else's responsibility
AS NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE INVISIBLE ILLNESS or JUDGE SOMEONE ELSES PAIN
and I suppose mental illness; depression; even the trickery of self deception and manipulation of others so they do things you CAN do but don't WANT TO DO
EVEN if they are good for you.
Medical science says a walk a day will help the physical symptoms of POTs.
MY one kid says otherwise for them. I don't belive it as I see when they are active they are doing fine.
BUt I DO believe for a period that legitimately WAS NOT POSSIBLE AND DID make their symptoms worse
But that time passed- it is not fixed
So one of mine has to get out of the fixed thinking and FEAR that a walk that in the past had been activity right before a debilitating slide was the CAUSE of the slide the SOLE cause of that slide-
So I asked for transportation when they thought they could not walk,
But I also went to help my older child who is ALSO strugging and asked for my support and care.
they need to figure out what and who will motivate them externally.
Its their path.
It felt like SELF CARE to go where my oldest lives to help her but to be apprechiated rather than criticized.
The two kids I live with both got in the habit of the older one- The older one influenced the younger one negatively in relation to how they relate to me.
They also have had years of this example from their DAD whther they realize it
IS A HABIT
And the fact it is LESSENED
But its like a seed that keep emerging and sprouting unexpectedly
I think I killed it off and then it comes back....
That damn Virginia Creeper.
The only thing that will resolve it is getting to the root.
Hard to do yourself. Sometimes you need help.
My neighbor ( absentee landlord) sent a handyman to clean up- I loaned him my spade and clippers ( the guy came without tools to clean a yard and asked to borrow)-
Hope it is gone for good.
Today's horoscope is interesting and weirdly accurate but then again it is so easily applied to anyone, right?
I Don't Know...
Have been chatting with an old co-worker I JUST met last Wed as he was interested in the board for the Arts Org. But he is taking his child to Fl for a week of needed vacation and can't make our meeting tonight.
Enough said- the rest seems to speak for itself as far as how fits my life; describes my life.
Especially the phrase "wounded healer, Chiron, via your eighth house of soul bonds" struck me as interesting.
FUCK I don't want to be the wounded healer
The thing about being wounded is one can never go back in time
One just has to heal
EVEN when not intending to or seeking those kinds of relationships.
They just happen.
Just hope fear doesn't keep one away from their soul mate when they meet.
whoever you are out there
and let them stay a while.
I am glad I am able to trust to do so.
I feel truly like that is a reality for me.
I look forward to my furture to see what unfolds just happy in the moment, content with what is and know
The morning swim helps me so much; writing helps me so much for just this 30 min...
I am happy I got minutes out for the Arts Board meeting and KNOW EVEN IF THERE IS EYE CONTACT FROM EVERYONE I WILL NOT SAY YES TO THAT TASK AGAIN
It takes me TOO LONG
It just takes me Far too long for too little return /added value.
I am SLOW at my work. METICULOUS and perfectionist. I need to expend my labor where there is added value. OTHERS can do that task faster, more efficiently and well.
I thought I would get TWO Volunteer tasks done- and still had mental energy but my EYES hurt after working my part time job and then sitting at my friend's winery ( where I bought eggs! LOL WHO goes to a winery just to buy eggs and enjoy the ambience to get work done for a while?? JUST ME I AM SURE)
I worked on the minutes while working as the receptionist as there is down time but ever after work was not done. It took me a couple MORE Hours to deconstruct my crypic written notes; look up details ( like how to spell names and consult EVERY contract for the production team to make sure mapped out who was hired in what role with names and correct bio info)
as I DID NOT Have a laptop at the meeting, was put on on the spot and did not set that boundary of NO ( should have) and had no energy AFTER to stay up and moonlight to get it done when I would have recalled details. I was busy this month... heck the month went by and it has been on my TO DO but was not priority.
Decaf coffee and an egg then to work. WILL SET boundary of stopping work at four hours!! THEN Will knock off the volunteer commitment
AND I will practice guitar today. I have a goal of learning a Pretenders song so my friend ( professional musician) who lives in Dublin and I can do a duet via Zoom just for sheer joy.
Article reminding me to be mindful to seek input. I don't do that enough. - 2021-11-27
Jung on Love LOVELY To listen to !! So amazingly insightful - 2021-11-27
Nice quiet weekend - 2021-11-27
Life has twists and turns I swear I could never make up if I imagined. Never know where the path will lead! - 2021-11-26
Off to the races... so it feels like.... racing against a missed deadline to market an event happening soon - 2021-11-24