2021-11-24 - 11:17 a.m.

#1 Reason to work for self:

NO possibility of Imposter Syndrome! LOL

I have been really good about not having that feeling.

EXCEPT
on the days I catch up on my filing.

FILING and record retention is IMPORTANT AND VALUABLE

and it takes a long time to do it right for some of us.

I kinda miss my co hort who ROCKED at this. I wish I had a staff WORKING FOR ME that could do that task and simple NDAs and TAS like HE did and leave me to the more legally challenging task...

AH like many in my role have! LOL

I LOVE MY JOB but want just one really good direct report to do the stuff I am not particularly EFFICIENT AT.

If the work load increases I think in furture I can see that happening. GOALS

In the meantime I am hiring someone for branding; and web site design.

I have purchased a domain for hosting but need an expert to help me set it up.

I am focusing on COMMERCIAL work only in my own business.

The Part Time job is in the Gov Con space

that will make it literally IMPOSSIBLE to compete with any former holders of any NDAS.

I strongly believe in honoring non competes...

Call me old fashioned.

I literally AM in so many respects.

I just need a few minutes to write and decompress so not stressed as about to do a task that take focus and attention that I am NERVOUS about. I want to get over the nervousness by this writing dump.

IMAGINE A SCIBBLE to get frustrarion or stress out... some doodle.. some draw...
this is my scribble...
scrawling out and kinetic working out of the stress in the physical act of typing.

My shoulders are a bit sore and realize it is from swimming...
where BTW the super friendly attractive man there DEFINATELY interacts differently with me now than he used to.
and he has a ring on his finger
SO HAPPY for him he got married! He is the nicest guy.

But in typical fashion I literally STINK at reading those micro communications...

so it is only clear NOW that the man DEFINATELY WAS flirting with me in the past !!

LOL I typcially figure that out later when there is a shift in how one communicates with me. Then it is clear.

BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS he does not flirt with me and it is a very comfortable friendly hello but briefer than in past. Not really engaging me in conversation like he used to... and I just go in and out as no time when rushing as try to get back in time to give kid ride to school.

SO yesterday after recent rant of how good it was both kids had to walk I CAVED and changed plans of when to pick up college student and left at 3pm rather than noon

Solely so I could drive the other kid to school

who pitched a FIT and went off on how the CAN"T WALK without risk of post exercise malaise. YES it happens with POTS as well as chronic fatigue and now some long hualer COVID Patients.

https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/nih-study-details-self-reported-experiences-post-exertional-malaise-me-cfs

I can't SEE MY KID'S PAIN so again- it is impossible to know when the walking is good for them as it helps their cardiovascular system and when it will be BAD and knock them off their socks for days or weeks.

I wish could find a theapist to see the kid REGULARLLY

THEY ARE ALL BOOKED and the one my kid did see regularly ; basically my kid lost the opportunity to continue with last year when they didn't go a couple times and then the person got booked with other patients and has no time. ( They didn't really resonate and work great) My kid had anther good therapist but that one is in DC.... so they are managing to have that support of a counselor but I STILL THINK ongoing psycothrapy which is a distinct process different than counseling short term to deal with issues...
would be helpful and my kid WANTS to do that.

Its hard to find anyone!! That is the biggest challenge. Since COVID mental health providers are actually in more demand.

But my kid is doing really well overall. Just they physcial symptoms that emerge at times but they are not nearly as bad as past few years for sure.

Which is why I think my kid should not be so afraid to walk.

They managed to last week a couple times and navigated ok. Sure tired- but not completely non functional as walking in past had redered them. I think the fear of that is impacting willingness to try regularly.

I get that.
But my kid has to navigate their body and I trust they actually do know what has been working for them.

So I worked longer and drove them to school.

I also had some stuff to do at work. Administrative tasks that again just have to get done even if take more time than I would like ( or others! BUSY WORK SORT OF... I swear we all hate that but at times still have to get it done. Especailly when imposed by customers we are a vendor for. It is what it is. But I HATE THAT SHIFTING OF THE BURDEN OF MANAGING DETAILS ONTO YOUR SERVICE PROVIDER

REALLY??? HOW DID THAT BECOME A TREND THAT IS OK???

I Mean it is BS in my mind to have companies have anoyone HAVE TO log into their system to input info. WTF REALLY???

Large companies levearge their clout.

USE OF SYSTEMS
for process improvement
compliance
oversight all contribute to what I think is an AWFUL PRACTICE

I think it compromises the integrety of procesesses when you have all these EXTERNAL users for one thing;

and security risks are created for another;

but my main objection is WHY SHOULD MY COMPANY PAY FOR MY TIME TO PUT INFO INTO YOUR DAMN SYSTEM ABOUT THE VENDOR YOU ARE HIRING TO DO WORK FOR YOU?

It eats into our profit margin.

And the WORST IS THE LARGE COMPANIES WHO PULL CLOUT and MAKE one do that kinda nonsense BEFORE award of work/

REALLY???

I CALL BULLSHIT

But then again I did it...

just like I drove my kid to school.

Sometimes you have to accept that you can not change.

SO BE IT...
and move on.

WTF I get paid for my time. It just bothers EVEN ME when the work I am doing and billing is not of the highest value.

F!!!%&!# Busy Work

Its like the homework gifted kids routinely see and say "NAH.... not worth my time"

But as an adult sometimes just have to do anyway.

Or have a tantrum and convince someone else to do it. I am not one to tantrum.
INFLUENCE YES... tantrum no.

DOG NEEDS WALKING
I AM DONE and ready to take on a task for one non profit... in the professional world...
GONNA GET IT DONE... nervous as wanted to do it
LAST WEEK
had not time
HAD BOARD MEETING MON... and did not get it done Mon afternoon and was too tired... then busy yesterday.

Guitar lessson this AM. ( PRIORITY!)

and worked a while...

So now will have at it after the dog walk.
I GOT THIS...
Just a marketing campaign... I GOT THIS-- have done many and do enjoy it when get in flow.

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