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2022-01-16 - 7:14 a.m.

Fucklng A

I was reminded why I am still friends with the winery owning dude who rants on about immigration and his tax dollars...
Who voted fpr trump and used to act personally wounded like it was a slap in the face bacause his child is trans....

Oh yeah
...because despite our differences we have mutual respect and treat each other well and sctually nurture friendship.

Not such a hard concept that a guy and gal can have a long term genuine friendship when not lovers when not even seeing eye to eye yet polar opposites of opinion on many issues yet listen to each others opinions and not take it personally...
And then enjoy shared compNionship and just chilling bring friends over shared interesr and tgings ....

I need a break from him for periods after some intense rant....or during COVID for example when he is not vaxxed.....but nonetheless it is good to know he will always be my friend.

He can text " Bring me pizza" randomky egen this Covid lifts and he knows I will when can and we will catch up with each other sharing updates. I can hang out there when feel like it ( for the mist part. I nean jf he has something going on he sers a boundary as well)

He respects my boundaries. Gets it I am staying home for most part.

I was reminded why even though he can be such a. PIA....he acts like a real friend. I have a couple girl fiends I nurture friendshios with but honestly they all live an hoir or more away. COVID makes it hard of course. June is in CA back home as she moved there, the beautiful poet livesxin DC ( we eventually will ger together. She will tale a commuter bus out this way when this surge lifts and spend a weekend. I will take her to the winery of my friend so we can dit and write, church, tome home here woth my family, we plan to hit a beautiful spot for brunch at an exceptionsl awaed winning resteraunt thst has been on my bucket list for seeming fotever....since 2009 or 2010!). Then there is my walking buddy co worker who it the physicsl therapist. But that is really it as far as real close friends. I have other acquaintences....hiking friends. So I have few friends and believe in nurturing the friendship when able to.

So it so fucking sucks when other dudes just suck at nurturing friendship and then we both feel let down. ART pissed me off again. I mean wtf does he have to fucking go there with the BS pressure to sleep with him EVERY FUCKONG time. Cant he just fucking value our friendship? WtF

I left a sweater at his place at some point. I just got a covid test so know I'm good (amd my college kid got a neg result too as I dropped him off) so since Art happened to call to say found my sweater as I was headed back home from driving one of my kids back to college and he is on the way I asked of I could stop by on way home. His house is on the route. So I drop by happy to see him and figure have to occassionslly make calculated risk to interact and not be a complete hermit! There is a difference between going all over town and visiting one friend once in a long while....

Or having just a couple folks in a curated chosen COVID pod of besties...

So I did enjoy watching a movie with him, Hillbilly Elegy was my pick and it was good! He made us hamburgers.

I so enjoyed chatting and the movie and then as I get up to leave he gives me the bullshit...

Fucking A

Same old shit.

The trying to guilt me as if I did anything wrong by being a friend but not coming over to fuck him.

So fucking selfish is how I see him. I mean fuckin A. Can you imagine a gal saying this bullshit to a guy who is saying thanks , goodnight...

" What? Oh come on just BE nice..just stick it in me..I really want you in me...
You are not goung to leave me like this

And the trying to guilt me ..

Guys a woman's friendship does not create entitlement or privilige to slerp with her. WTF?
.and " Just be nice?"

He was fuckimg laying on the guilt as if I had some obligation to him to take care of his needs.

I told him he had two hands and is quite capable of using them and told him stop with the bullshit trying to guilt me.

We had a recent talk BEFORE I went over there again....i mean just a week ago. He ACTED like he could do this....value a friendship.

Damn. Just bummer as then he felt bad aa he takes it as rejection I guess.

Just frustrating for us both in different ways I suppose. What sucks is perhaps if he acted like my inherent value as a friend was worth his time and energy I WOULD have thst kind of feeling grow. But when you are an asshole with some fucking sense of enitlement to sleep with you its not a way to have a woman desire you.

Hell I frankly take ownership of my sexual needs.and right now that is why I am so enjoying this fling I have. Its perfect for me juat now ..even if I fell for the boy toy... I know it is nothing BUT a sexually shared liason. Have not seen the young lover in some time as my kids all here and he truly does wish to hunker down at home so he says during COCID spike. If absolute truth is he has no interest in seeing my just now for other reasons its fine too! I mean we are enjoying this carving out of a relationship of lover only soley based on sharing of meetimg sexual needs of each other while NOT in a relatiomsip where those needs are being met. We are taking individual ownership to each meet our own needs, yes through and with each other, but clearly understood it is as neither have a relationship with the fullsome depth of which would include nurturing that part of self.

So each nurture these parts of self in compartmentalized ways .

Heck its good enough. The thing is I don't want to fuck sround with Art who goes all in unkess I were to choose to be all in.
It doesnt MATTER how much love we have for each other. It doesnt matter thst years ago I fell in love with him and same. We know we care deeply for each other. I happen to be hot for someone else and as liberated as I am....well. thats that.

But take control of yoir own self and own needs. Self responsibility ..
Self love
Based on responsible choices
I responsibly choose not to have a relationship that is not in best interest of my family life. I choose to put my kids first is what it comes down to.

Be a mature adult and do the same. Your sexual needs are no one else's obligation. I mean if in a shared committed rekationship you negotiate that like everything else but it has to be with mutual respect and consideration. Great when aligned and commited with love. The thing is Art acts like he is a one woman kinda guy. ( That's why he is not in touch with me if dating anyone else.) As he says He falls and is ALL IN. I don"t fuck around with one who will want the kind of relationship I can't or wont want to offer. No to misalignment. He has said "You were always honest with me and I apprechiaye that."

so I left and had grocery shopping to do. Got it done but it was late when finished and home. I really had to get home and WANTED to get home to see my kids here frankly. College application deadlines the 18th and I wanted ro see how my one teen who waa working on finalizing one waa doing. She was working on it whem I got home actually which gave me peace of mind.

Fucking A. I feel like gift of my time and companionship should be valued and that I value my male friends time and they should not feel so rejected when I am not feelin it to fuck them.

Plural as Dr. Fauci is of course horney and as old Chrustian dude also looks only to women to fill his needs. He finally ended the relationship he was miserable in. He had a couple dates after only a few weeks...basically is on the prowl. A woman came over his place last Sat and he was so excited beforehand. After a couple hrs she left and he considered the date a failure solely cause she didn't sleep with him. He texted " Wanna come over finish this bottke if wine wuth me?" Mmmm... no! Fucker calls me again begging me to just be his fuck buddy. Really? AFTER YOUR DINNER DATE LEFT? Just cause horney n did not get laid?
He is a piece of work..

Dude. You don't really expect me or any gal to come running when 2nd choice, or 3rd. Or 4th.


Buddy you were friend zoned years ago and I know you have no interest in relationship with me as I know all you BS is what I told him. No thanks....

Just cause I chose a lover out of commited monogomy and told you of him ( yeah. ..last time Dr. F propositioned me I told him of current lover), doesn't mean I am easy. NO on the contrary, choosing a lover is great insulation for me to protect against temptation of falling for your ass again as you are a hot mess. Yes hot; and yes a mess to avoid...but I can be your friend as you get your shit straight.

He needed emotional support and dating/life coaching so he does not
a.) Scare women away with his needing attention. I borrowed his computer last Sun and he had alreasy sent email msg thanking her for coming over and texted and needed encouragement to not worry and obsess. "No dont call her....wait...give her some space" Fuckin A he was worse than a teen girl after a date. . . So anxious ahe waa nkt inti him. I told him if he calls like that it will be a self fullfilling prophsey.
b) DOES learn to figure out what he likes to do solo...dude really needs to re-discover himself. Can't marathon run anymore and he needs a new hobby and passion other than fucking beautiful women for sure... I mean that passion does not make great conversation when dating and dude think of nice things to go DO together! Stop taking first dates to fancy restaraunts....u r gonna go broke..

Enough ranting. As far as Art hell at least he knows his horney self. That will not change.When he has a girlfriend he just drops out of touch. ...he is who he is. ( Still think he just fucked up by not stepping up to plate and marrying her. I think that is why she dumped him). Art will not change so I need to know what to expect. That is better that the BS of Dr. F who says one thing (says old fashioned Christian monogonmous BS...) but does another ( honestly he just wants to get laid ) ....BS basically serial cheater aa in denial of his very self. I have more respect for honost hedonists than BS fake monogomists. I had some additional insight Sun last week. He drinks EVERY NIGHT

There you have it, problems with self control and addictive personality. Wow...
I realized this relationship he has with alcohol is.. well that...a relationship with alcohol.

His son battled addiction and has been sober for years. I advised him to talk to his now grown son about his own self. I told him no one better than his son to give him insight into himself if he wants to figure his shit out as his son will know him well. Once a child is a fully grown adult independent and not emeshed but on their own, then it is appropriate to learn from our kids. There is some point the roles change and parents learn from the next generation ( if willing to listen to ones own child's actual expererience of you the adult. ). In this case as his son battled the addiction issues which were in the family I think could that help Dr. F if he wants to change his alcohol usage (which be might not want to do but I do think his anxiety is possibly exasperated by regular drinking.)

Wow morning onto the day.

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