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2022-02-11 - 4:04 p.m.

Break and vent

Wish it were not already 4pm!!

I flipped my routine over the past couple days to get some lingering projects moving forward.

When I put my business development and volunteer commitments LAST to be done after paid W2 work I find I invest too much time in that W2 role, then put energy and attention to family once done for day and the days are gone before there is time or energy for volunteer work and my own business development.

One shift to make is get up earlier to spend time on those passions and interests early in day. But I already like to get Morning Pages and exercise in early if up early so like to shift to the W2 role and dig into work by 9am.

I would have to get to bed earlier which may be helpful to start routines at 6 or earlier rather that 7 or 7:30.

Might be a good shift for me as I am a morning person.

Thing is, if a task is for my income producing W2 job I will GET IT DONE even if tired or late in day. I will work Friday evenings to catch up. But I will not find that energy for the others pursuits. So since not finding energy when late in day or tired for the other things just the past couple days I did them first. These are things in past years I started at 8 or 9pm and was up til 1am or later doing because I find them worthwhile.

But my sleep is currently more worthwhile!!

Issue is they take longer than I would like.

S I worked on some marketing campaign efforts and today my web site copy and reaching out for testimonials for the site during the day, before digging into W2 work. [[[ IN BRACKETS EDITED ON SAT: Next day as came here just to fix spelling but have more thoughts on this- so to add: Well some of the calls I made WERE for my pd job! I am trying to get feedback on some process improvement efforts from others in my field to get their input in WHAT WORKED and WHAT WAS NOT WORTH time and money- essentially what has a ROI for software interfaces/AI/ Lifecycle management tools for small businesses and when are they just a waste of money as a good old fashioned EXCEL spreadsheet and Program Management skills are sufficient? SO I WAS WORKING- but it is that kind of thoughtful learning by listening to others that doesn't FEEL Like working to me yet I KNOW IS VALUABLE. I am really hoping to add value to my employer in the best way possible so want to look at the big picture and not get caught up just doing the daily tasks each day. So I am intentionally putting TIME INTO THAT. To do so have to sometimes put the more visible tasks on the back burner. For efficiency it makes sense to both ask and get feedback on what worked for others whom I worked with before WHILE ALSO asking for references. Funny thing I did that on one call made primarily for benefit of my employer and then as an afterthought figured- hey best ASK. As the person said "If you don't ask the answer is automatically NO" LOL I did get a no! But was comfortable asking anyway as I felt there was actual mutual respect there and I understand why the NO for providing a reference! LOL I mean when I did in in a battle over some issue in a company ( like ableism just say... for example...) I dig in and fight hard. And when micromanaged and someone starts criticizing me my quality of work plummets so both happened with that former boss I was chatting with. She does have insight and has always been happy to mentor and I really appreciate her for that. This is the boss who would not wait one min if I was not on our 8:40 am call. She started scheduling calls EVERY morning and if I was not there dropped and dinged me for not being on. This is the boss who wrote me up for missing a time sheet - set bar for a compliance rate I already met. I pulled the data analytics from the system to show I was at 95% compliance already so the DING of not doing so consistently and wanting me to improve ( I think she wrote to do so 90% of time?) made no sense. Those data analyst skills come in handy peeps... which reminds me my web designer wants me to pull.. or rather it was My IDEA to pull the data metrics of work I actually do. Show what I DO crank out to show ROI of hiring me. I work on items slowly but STILL FASTER Than many. Sure make some mistakes but STILL MORE ACCURATE than many. THIS IN KNOW. now back to yesterdays writing-] Bummer is I thought it would take far less time than it has to spend time on things on my back burner and process overview work other than the TASKS in queue others visibly see.

I only work 4 hrs a day at my W2 job, or rather only HAVE to work 4 hrs. Honestly less sometimes. I Sometimes more when needed as well, BUT only if required. [ SAT EDIT: but the thing is I still struggle with: Do I bill for time I spend investing in process overview organizational ideas/ research/ brainstorming and my organizational background work OR just for the actual tasks OTHER ASK ME TO DO? Maybe I should not hesitate to bill for all the time and recognize that it IS PRODUCTIVE TIME. But then again- when am I just in ADHD Procrastination mode? AS YES our ADHD Brains DO THAT... and sometimes THINK Our great ideas are productive but we don't follow through so nothing really tangible results. WHICH IS WHY WE ARE GREAT ON TEAMS!! WE NEED YOU FOLLOW THROUGH PEOPLE WHO LOVE OUR GOOD IDEAS!! LOL True thought... I rock on a team when my leadership is valued and collectively we come up with group ideas and as a team get it done. I can get tasks done when on my to do! EVEN IF HATE THEM. but sometimes know have a day procrastination happens in guise of other valuable things. (not always valuable) So I got shit done but also was admittedly procrastinating yesterday by getting OTEHR SHIT DONE. Sure it was great to clear my personal back log.. Great to get FAFSA Forms for my kids- but how much of that motivation is me saying " I have a deadline for someone else LET ME GET MY SHIT DONE FIRST". Me just wanting to value ME before I give energy away... and how much of it is KNOWING I will find energy for others... and how much of it is just good old fashioned ADHD procrastination because I HATE doing REWORK that is caused by fixing someone else's sloppy mistakes and sloppy work and there is a lack of clarity that I have to now untangle and make clear so it is daunting?? YEAH That is the task at hand. I just have to get it done. VENTING one last time and one last bit of procrastination as the FAFSAs done; pushed my kid as needed; spent quality time; cleaned up other items so now will spend the hour to get that mess of a task DONE!! I NEVER WORK on SAT but will today as in the end it was more important to make dinner, eat with teens and watch a movie last night and get their FAFSAs done.. So BE IT. BUT THIS IS WHY I HAVE THIS JOB PART TIME, It just STILL feels weird to put own needs first and put energy into one's own priorities BEFORE giving your energy away. I took the break to write to convince myself to do a dreaded task. But then even saying and putting it out there it was time- I prioritized family needs. WAS A GOOD CHOICE as I can do it now! I AM JUST STILL NOT USED TO THAT PUTTING SELF/FAMILY FIRST! I should be proud did so. It makes no difference if done Fri night or SAt morn as long as by MON MORN! Just proud have kept the weekend boundary for most part with the exception of this one carve out today. EVENTUALLY I will get better with time management and have Friday nights for family only! But reason now working weekend is I did stuff for ME during week long overdo so it is good balance and worked out and in fact why part time! Just still getting used to that!! OK enough of the SAT edit! rest was written Friday. WISH redlines showed in Diaryland! LOL]

I worked less one day this week that I had a Dr appt. To take pre teen to. I came home just too tired to make it a long day putting in more than a few hrs.

Today I knocked off a few lingering things...feels good.

I got some work done for client...but I have a couple more hrs to go. The flipping of routine felt weird and it makes me worry about turn time on docs being later...but it was just a couple days to move my projects forward. It worked! Now back to work for Employer as one task worked on yesterday WILL GET DONE TODAY!!! Even if work late...ce la can review and collaborate on it on Monday. I just had other loose ends to tie up! ( I did other work for the company today but not yet what I hoped! One task is my priority but I moved easier tasks along first before finishing the one I REALLY want to finish. Did this because there are those with dependency on my completion of those other simpler tasks in my queue before they can move forward with their work. The more complicated task ALSO has someone waiting on it. I WANTED to complete that first but it made more sense to to knock off the two easier requests quickly before sustained concentration on the complicated request.(It's not that complicated but there are a few parts to it and I need sustained uninterrupted time to focus on it and figure it out. ) So to make a cup of tea and now FINALLY GET IT DONE now that the easier distractions off my plate.

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