2022-03-13 - 6:52 a.m.

Interesting observation on my date Fri night:

OK- So the date made it very clear it was not his intent to Friend Zone me; but more his intent of the Friends with Benefits-

AS he obviously did not get a YEAH From the woman he is currently interested in who turned him down.

Now guys why the hell do you do that? Why the hell do you think a woman you EVER Dated in the past
Who you ALREADY Walked that path of the early dating, getting to know each other, there was enough chemistry to let a dating/romantic romance unfold... but then after time figured out THIS IS NOT IT for either of you

WHY would you ASSUME just cause a woman slept with you in the PAST when on that dating journey-
that she would be like

OH so you got a NO
YOu Got turned down
Well Lets get to it then-

I mean if a gal didn't want to continue a romantic relationship with you in the past or if you ended it in the past- the shelf life expired.

Like anything else there is a vitality , an energy, heck think of even food-
or any other thing with ANY LIFE
there is VITALITY and excitement and molecules moving generating heat.....
at first...
but if sit too long there will be dormancy
stale
old
No spice left
The sprouted grains have turned and no longer have nutrition to feed you

So why would you even give up YOUR TIME and YOUR ENERGY on something/someone who is NOT going to FEED YOU

I mean FEED your own body and soul
Curate your time and energy as carefully as you do the diet of what food you put in your body.
Choose what you consume-
media
content
entertainment
COMPANY
VERY CAREFULLY to ensure it fosters GROWTH

FAMILY TIME ALWAYS FOSTERS GROWTH OF FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

So that needs to be FIRST and FOREMOST as priority,
WITH BALANCE
for you time.
Always carve out you time.

BUT for the single folks out there-
WHY EMESH SO QUICKLY?

I just don't get that.

I mean maybe I really am different but I am so perplexed why when my former romantic interest- guy dated for the first year of COVID clearly only dating each other then cause we were in our little social pod when it hit-
of a couple mutual friends... so heck it made sense to explore that dating relationship ( We had been dating like three or four.. IDK MAYBE MORE six? months-- I have no clue how long it had been the dating enjoying each other's company about once every other week, then once a week, then more often BUT HAD NOT been sleeping with each other--- just dating-- then decided to heck go there...)
And it was good..
I mean it was OK and yes a really enjoyable companion and comfortable compatibility ( There are always some things that are not PERFECT)

This guy reminds me of Seinfeld YOU know that episode- the one where he lists every thing wrong with everyone he ever dated and why he could not proceed.

YEAH This guy even did that- HA HA I swear I got a whole inventory of his dating relationships

of his ex wife.... He WAS MARRIED A GOOD 20 years or more? They are still friends and literally co parent a shared dog. SWEAR They navigate time with their beloved dog better than most do with kids. Its hilarious to me in a way- and a really nice example..... but hey although I never minded this child/dog and constant presence of the Ex wife in his life as he VALUES both enough to not cut them out and I respect that- i suppse there are many who ARE threatened by a guy who never changed his official address and still chooses to work in his now Ex wifes' home in the old home office whenever he feels like it cause DC is at time mad loud and there is construction in his condo building....
Honestly that never bothered me one bit. I just write of it an laugh as I think the reasons he never gets anywhere in a relationship with OTHER WOMEN are NOT the same as the ones it was not IT for either of us,
For me that was not an issue...

It was more that he acts really triggered when I interrupt
Which I try to not do often but I think I do it on the phone more than in person with him....
Cause I sometimes would want to just have a quick call to make a plan and then GET OFF THE PHONE

and he is a GREAT Storyteller and loves to talk.

So the thing he says when triggered is "I just like to be HEARD sometimes too."

Its fascinating to me as YES I CAN TALK ALOT When REALLY EXCITED about something or really connecting in conversation

BUT this guy talks MORE than me
I SWEAR he does without even being aware of it.

Its such an interesting thing. Yet I trigger and remind him of his ex wife... so GAME OVER for him. I get too irritating to him after time.. (I Get it!) So I decided when I went on the date to actually do something I thought of doing when seeing him but never did. I wanted to be REALLY mindful and pay specific attention to HOW LONG he would talk and tell me his stories and literally look at the clock like I do when I look at it when I start work for a billable job...
then when he is done look at the clock...
and pay attention if I interrupt to try not to do it...
but also pay attention to the FLOW of conversation WITH INTENTION

Not not just to be sure I am not being rude BUT
here is the interesting thing
To guage whether he is actually a bit more self focused and self centered APPEARING in his conversation as needing to have attention on him
out of insecurity
or a need to be the center of attention
as I caught a slight tendency in him to do that SOMETIMES.
and at other times he does just kick back and relax and listen

I think he has good balance
But it is interesting WHEN he gets in storytelling mode and he himself MISSES SOCial cUES.

It was fascinating as I observed he missed a couple social cues.
I never noticed it before.

We enjoyed the show and got an invite to go out for a drink with the producer and my friend almost missed the social cue of us being invited. It was clear to me the producer was inviting US to join him and his family- invited them asking "Would you be up for going out for a drink?"
His sister said "That would be fun! YES"
but he was directing the question first to her and including us

My date was starting to walk away but the producer/friend of his turned and I said - "WAIT" and touched his arm I think as the producer made it clear then we were being invited to socialize with them.

It was no insertion but rather I nudged him and had not done it and just followed my date's lead he would have not heard and I think we would have walked off kinda not hearing and ignoring the invite.

It was just interesting as the two fellows were really enjoying talking. So their conversation continued... as I walked with them , and I was part of it.

It was nice to spent time with his friend ( who was his old neighbor- still neighbor of his ex who is in their old shared home- where I have been a FEW TIMES as we would do the dog pick up and walk when I did go spend a Sat or a weekend with him).

YES I entered HIS world to an extent....

but I never brought him into mine.

He would not be a good fit is my assessment. LOL

Ce la vie.

Maybe that is/was unfair of ME.
But I think it was actually just good judgement.
That
NAH This is NOT IT for me.
THis is not someone who would be COMFORTABLE with ME COMPLETELY AS ME and MY WORLD

I mean THE LIST
LOL
all the reasons he ditched a woman in the past....

Well just clear he has a TYPE LOL

I mean all but being a crazy cat lady with a house full of and smelling of cats...
cause I am after all highly allergic.

He who is dedicated to his dog...

In any case I always say Ladies' if a guy is posting only pics of his dog and himself

or his boat and self
motorcycle and self
car and self...

I Mean if the profile looks like curated by a BOT ...

YOU know the ones- the BOTS are like this -- maybe a photo in ther with small children circling and looking at the guy like he is Jesus... those are my fav bot pics... the ones looking like the Super HOT dude is volunteering,,, oh of course as a medic, and usually as some US SAVIOUR from some branch of our armed forces... as of course they are HUMANITARIANS first and foremost, right???

I Swear those profiles pop up and are hilarious to me!!

THE SPIN
THe story...

OK YEAH ... I just feel like if dating a guy who curates his social media really closely to the formula the BOTs also have...
STAY AWAY if you are looking for a relationship.

He is looking for a good lay
and acts EMESHED and totally into you to curate THAT need in his life
But he is a narcissist and it is and will always be ALL ABOUT HIM

That is my take,
Maybe jaded? Maybe spot on.

I just think the guy who acts like its friendship so then feels comfortable asking you as a woman (OK ME- but ladies insert yourself here) for DATING ADVICE....and then you are the confident... so you hear him out and give advise of the trusted loyal friend...

who the min gets dissed
THEN wants to sleep with you
IS NOT EVER WORTH SLEEPING WITH or being physical with

HELL NO
NOT UNDER THAT CONDITION

I mean once been there and done that
WHY DO MEN THINK IT A GOOD IDEA??

What the hell...
Dude just take care of your needs please...

I am just so freaking surprised but should not be by now.

So yeah the date was open to me staying with him. I here was lamenting I didn't set a boundary to meet him LATER as was concerned of getting my own personal goals done as priority- and was afraid - really just anxious I might derail them.

AND honestly my TO Do from MON was not HIT and crossed off !! So my OWN ADHD procrastination and poor time management and poor valuing MY PERSONAL GOALS was being felt on Friday when I was determined to push through and CATCH UP FOR ME
and get it done...
and stressed feeling like I just needed to set a clearer boundary to get it done....

and then he did that thing HOW EARLY CAN YOU GET HERE?
and YOU CAN PACK A BAG AND PLAN TO STAY OVER IF YOU LIKE...

I should have said NO on the CALL when we chatted and he asked. I should have been VERY DIRECT THEN.
But It was an invite. and I figured he would leave the ball in my court...

so it WAS kinda funny when I got there , after my lunch meeting...
(yes I ran later... dang.... finish work so pushed it back... so It was like 3pm when I just finished the VERY LATE LUNCH!! LOL I mean I was not even hungry for a dinner date. Not a big drinker... so just company to be enjoyed ...

and I hate to minimize I DO ENJOY HIS COMPANY

recall we write to work out the STUFF the good parts don't need venting. THIS IS A GOOD MAN overall and fun to date.. I just see him for who he is and he is not someone I see who has potential for a long term partner. That is not what I am looking for with him in large part as I don't think he really wants that either and there is an issue of consistency and what he has told me and mutuals...
I mean he said one thing to ME about waht he is looking for and a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THING to another...
not about THEIR relationship but about what he is looking for in dating...
MAYBE BOTH ARE TRUE

could be I suppose...

But she said he is looking for long term commitment and a partner and he NEVER Said that to me. And he does not ACT like that is what he is looking for HE acts like someone who wants to get emeshed very quickly which to me is the crash and burn..
the quick thrill... then move on to the next flame that burns fast and hot and not the slpw stoking of a fire over time to build to something substantial.

I feel like his dating style is quick and hot and then crash and burn .

He cycles thorugh girlfriends it seems. The Serial serious dater which to me is very disingneious. I just have an issue with calling someone your girlfriend and dating only one person PREMATURELY
and I feel like he does that
JUMPS IN BOTH FEET EMESHED stops casual dating ...
for the eight month shelf life for him. Its not even 15 to 18 mos in his case I think....

I think he cycles even quicker..

SO anyway
OF COURSE I DID NOT STAY THE NIGHT just a few nights after he was asking me advise on the relationship with the gal he wanted to kick it up with and be romantic with ( NOT ME.... she obviously said NO to going out this weekend)

PLAYER possibly.. maybe she said yes...
whichever

IT is just WEIRD TO ME that he would be fickle

and yet at the same time if felt like I just saw him yesterday- I mean same thiing with old friends. Easy comradarie.
Enjoyable time
Fun company
He gave me a hug pulling me in and it was COMFORTABLE
HE gave me a kiss of welcome and kiss goodnight as if we never stopped dating...
but

I was not considering sex , not at all interested in staying over.

I MEAN We have been there and DONE THAT
and dude YOU ARE NOT INTO ME.

BUT IT WAS kinda funny that after me worrying about not having set the boundary and getting their early....
that the moment I arrived he asked
"Have you heard the weather report?"
and now keep in mind it has been LOVELY And in the 60s then upper 70s here last week...

and I said..
"NO, what is there a storm coming? Snow?"

It was just the way he asked the question and he laughed and said "YES"

I said "Are you kidding me?"
I mean REALLY?
and we then discussed and it WAS so comfortbale

Hey he asks but he is very comfortable to stay with as he respects boundaries. He has a nice futon and I am always welcome there or to join him in his bed...
but he is NOT pushy..
and it was so very comfortable so I knew if snow came early could stay and ride it out

BUT I did not want to find an excuse to stay! NO was not itching to be snowed in.
NO Was itching to go see the show and get home to enjoy SAT with my family! I wanted to get out just for a short while then back to time with them.

I was kind of irritated to be leaving the house SO EARLY As it was....
it ended up being fine that I left.

But I INTENDED to cook Friday night... and was looking forward to the meal I was making.
So was looking forward to cooking for the family on SAT instead. So I was pleased that all did go well and I had energy to drive back home after the show as thankfully the snow was not due until the next morning!

Changing plans to enjoy his companionship and see some great theater was definitely worth it. I honestly was a bit surprised at his invite to sexual- as didn't exactly see that coming. I mean I guess I sense it as was thinking ..lets see where this goes... but more so was thinking lets date and see if there is CHEMISTRY Or mutual interest of something there that was never articulated or spoken or avoided... IDK... did we just both try to protect ourselves too much? I sometimes wonder with him.... I mean are we both THE SAME as not into the other because we BOTH Have some narcissistic need to know the other person is REALLY INTO US as a SURE THING before we can even trust?? That is a narcissist trait and I recognize it comes from wounding... so is it possible we BOTH have SAME dating style for same reason of wounding and a self protective stance? I always have to ask that question and assess. I mean you can be a bit narcissistic without being FULL BLOWN and without being abusive like the extreme kind my EX husband was/is. Who are attracted to narcissists BUT Narcissists?? at some level......
OK but I did it again- came to edit and rambled more and likely repeated myself! (HA HA SO NO WONDER he gets irritated when I am excitedly talking alot . Just that he doesn't know HE DOES THE SAME THING!!) Ok0 so make no mistake the show we saw was AMAZING. I had a LOVELY DATE.

I MEAN it was just literally an AMAZING production.

My guy friend forwarded the email from his producer friend and in it there was the invite to see two shows. His wife is an actress and she is currently in-
now get this

Freaking GODSPELL

My FAMILY EASTER TRADITION Is to watch that. LOL although the teens will likely strongly OBJECT to doing so now!! LOL

It's a phase.
They HATE that phrase.

They think it is completely dismissive of who they ARE.

No- Its just that who any adolescent is during that developmental phase NECESSITATES rejection of the norms of family to allow for growth opportunities.
I get that. You have to let go of the old to let in the new.

Eventually everyone comes back to re-discover themselves; find those part of themselves inextricably connection to the DNA of their lineage
EVENTUALLY

That in fact was a theme in the show I saw. I don't mention the name of the show once again out of respect for fact SOMEONE might randomly or not so randomly read this one day so I avoid some specifics.

I need to pull out my journal as over the drinks after the show we did talk ancillary... about the show but in my mind I have analyzed and probed and have much to parse out further. Our conversations were more of the tasks/responsibilities/ roles of the producer and his experience and challenges rather than the content of the show itself. We talked much about marketing.
That was interesting. (My date works as a marketing professional. It was a fun conversation- if only cause it was so validating to also have a lady there who was SO SPOT ON Good at understanding current marketing and it just made me laugh...
I mean the conversation was about how despite WE as older folks to be honest... don't personally like and are not cormfortbale with social media platforms....and we all have a preferred one...
how one HAS TO USE THEM ALL EFFECTIVELY

Oh joy. It just tickled me so to speak. And this non profit theater company which just had one of the most incredible pieces of live theater I have seen in years-
YES I will be quite honest it was even better than Jesus Christ Superstar that I just saw at the Kennedy Center...
It WAS nominated for a Helen Hayes award in the DC theatre region and I am telling you SHOULD WIN

YET this freaking incredible show had only the smallest of press coverage. One article and one review. ONE freaking review- sure it was stellar
But where were the critics?
They seem to have MISSED THIS
and reason: This company has no social media presence I could find. I should have been in their TARGETED MARKETING ALGORHTHM to actaully have a pop up ad tell me of their show! I mean a good social media person CURATES THAT and adds the SRO and tags and directs traffic based on things like FB And google analytics and all the other tools out there that pull and make available such info...

The producer KNOWS HE NEED THIS. LAST time around he HIRED someone for the job. He did not re-hire as they did not slay... and he needs someone to slay it....

The closing night show, which is what I saw, had 27 folks in the house.

They have been averaging about that.

For a small non profit not bad.I mean we in the arts know and expect that audiences will be small when you have a small cast and small production team BUT
I LOVE THE CHOICE TO CREATE GREAT ART REGARDLESS

I LOVE THOSE WHO CREATE FINE MASTERPIECES ONLY FOR THE FEW WHO COME.

The goal was to FILL THE SEATS OF THE THEATER.
The person hired did not HIT IT and do that.

GREAT THEATER IS LIKE THAT.
I am still processing it.

A Goodreads review reads:
".... is a play about being African American in a country built on racism. I saw a performance at Celebration Arts in Sacramento, California. It was one of the most powerful plays I've ever seen. I had to order the published play so that I would always have a copy. If you ever have a chance to see the play, go."

I AM POSITIVE one day this work of art WILL be well known.

(Ok critic... I would edit some parts to make it a wee shorter...the playwriter never can edit. Hard to see what is not moving the story with deep emotional, metaphorical or symbolic meaning that can't be cut and see that which CAN be cut. I was watching with the editor's eye and took note ....I don't know WHY I DO THAT when watching but I do. I think when I sense it is getting near that two hr point and sense some restlessness in audience I take note of points where the audience was not as engaged... I think of places to make it a bit shorter (almost as they happen or right after). I loved the singing that was in this show intertwined with the storytelling but honestly would have cut just a bit...shortened a bit.. The emotional impact of the song for me is there after a min,... so shorten it. Don't over do it.."

I will say this- The show really reminded me actually of watching my mother in law years ago on her path in life- as a black woman who was in the world of academia then taught for years; as pursuing her own higher education. Only after  MAKING IT professionally by masking for so many years did she then rediscover parts of her identity.  I have distinct memory of a fascinating conversation I had in which she was exposing her view of being of the HUMAN RACE. She was saying she does not see race-  this was early on in my marriage.  This is the same time when my husband was studying philosophy and had opportunity to meet Cornell West. My MIL had not yet read Cornell West....lol l Then over the next few years there was a shift- as my MIL herself had time to actually well... in her retirement from teaching; no longer having to put energy into actually defending her right to exist in the professional space she inhabited; WHICH Make no mistake she HAD TO DO. YES SHE WAS LIVING UNDER THE WHITE GAZE She had to fight an ADA claim to be given the courthouse of a classroom that was accessible AFTER YEARS OF TEACHING It is fascinating to me. The discrimination was possibly race based yet she was only able to litigate and bring a case because of the overt discrimination based on ableism and disregard of her needs as a disabled professional. Because it is hard to PROVE RACISM and there is such white denial of its existence as a tangible thing with impact.  There were so many moments that came to mind with the watching of this play I experienced with my MIL- Going to Oatlands with her as guest for the Easter Sunday Brunch and Steeplechase Horse Races The questions of her work, her education. the surprise and racist responses to this wonder of the anomaly of a highly education black woman. The play addressed those issues SO SPOT ON- I mean it resonated. I want to tell my son of those stories of his grandmother- from my perspective as I share my story of how I experienced those moments. For him and for my oldest I feel like there is value and power in this as they are figuring out who they are in this world and how they can IMPACT IT or at the very least create some beautiful art which at the very lease resonates with even a few for whom it is a moment of beauty of emotional connection and understanding of this particular experience yet shared human experience The ultimate paradox Lets allow plurality of stories to be told as we see the humanity and universality of them all YET ONLY if we don't practice erasure of those individuals and their uniqueness within the bigger story. ONLY If willing to SEE and not just with a white gaze but see with our hearts and not via the filter of the thoughts of our assumptions guiding our experience but letting ourselves to be open to actually listen and learn and not judge or draw conclusions but to listen and learn and be changed. There is alchemy in love There is alchemy in art Its like that separation of church and state gone wrong will cause decimation of culture, destruction of identity to point of sterile, flat, expressionless and lacking fullness and richness in community shared experiences. We have seen that is schools, in corporations etc.. But if allow each individual to bring ther full self THEN create a fabric of inclusion- one has a beautiful full experience in school; in their programming; in communities. and we can connect and be stronger rather than destroy uniqueness and lose much of the richness and value and depth In creation of a COMFORTABLE commonality that does not challenge or push anyone's boundaries and comfort zone. Growth is painful and when avoid discomfort to point of seeking no pain one also I believe avoids growth. Its all in the balance... just a little push of a boundary is sometimes helpful.... knowing the balance is the true art in life! OK so back to my date- I never finished that thought. The 2nd social cue he missed- (1rst being he almost missed the invite for drink and companionship after the show)- he TOTALLY missed the cue that the ladies who traveled in from out of town were ready to go -- were welll... ready to go. And he told a story- YEAH A GOOD STORY but it was interesting how he held court. He was not listening and missed they were trying to say bye and call it a night. And he seemed to me to be in need of that attention of being the focus. It was just something I noticed... That moment. That need to tell a very long story (albeit a good one!) in an actual inappropriate moment. I meation it only cause in conjunction with his woundedness emerging in his comments that he has said before about being triggered if I interrupt... or being irritated if I talk too much..... there is a bit of irony of that feeling a bit like projection at times. I mean I feel like he does have this deep desire to be heard and seen OBVIOUSLY from some wounding. But I think related to his upbringing and he is not necessarily aware of it. I wonder if there is deeper loss of a parent if one had feeling of being abandoned by thiat parent as a child that was not healed? POSSIBLE? I don't know... or maybe not? Maybe the opposite? I just don't know I just know he and another friend of mine...actually a few I know.. definitely seem to have a really hard time with the loss of a parent EVEN YEARS LATER.. which is something I don't feel with the death of my mother. I mean I was so happy to process that.... the lover helped me immeasurably just because of his familiarity with MY FAMILY HIS VIBE HIS IRISH HERITAGE.. ..yes my young lover the guitar playing artist photographer himself Who I figured out shared the same freaking birthday as one of my brothers... interesting... WAS JUST SO FAMILIAR that the liaison and chatting and the music he shared etc... all jut brought me BACK TO my roots of family and helped me process the death of my mother. ButI feel like there is this need for attention in this guy I dated from DC that is related to his wounding and the times I interrupt it triggers THAT NEED. That need to be seen and heard. And I feel like he actually can dominate most of the conversation. I SWEAR he talks more than me and he demands focus on his stuff more than others in the room at times. NOT ALL THE TIME-- just moments. He does not come across then with a touch of narcissistic behavior- there it is again. NOT OVERT narcissism but yes that is another trait. He is NOT ONLY ALWAYS TALING ABOUT HIMSELF DEFINATE GIVE AND TAKE- but it seems so interesting to me as I wonder if that is because he learned the skill. Like I wonder if his being so good with boundaries is a SKILL... I haven't quite figured that out yet. If he is just good at doing and saying the right things but in not GENUINE. I mean the ability to discard a friend so readily and date and discard and upgrade so easily with this emeshment quality I think he looks for ( I don't play that game) are indeed red flags. YEAH-- but I went as it was THIS AMAZING SHOW. In moments I see what is his vulnerability and it comes across as a triggered moment in which he criticizes someone else... a friend (mutual) or me..Just interesting observation. and I WILL CONSIOUSLY take note of How long we each talk- so with specificity I can address this with him if and when he does that thing of criticizing me unfairly. OR take note and get a good sense of the reality of how we interact and DECIDE if worth MY TIME. REALLY If he is just actually self centerd and it is all about him- not worth my time. THAT IS A BAD SIGN. I mean I don't WANT to bring him into my world Maybe that is enough of an answer for me. I should not WASTE HIS TIME. UNLESS he is VERY clear this is not a forever thing; it is not a romantic possible partnership and long term thing as No not interested. (Oh I told him that upfront that I would be involved by am polyamorous- just to level and set expectation- that at first dating and being involved consider me polyamorous and non committed dating as I DO NOT COMMIT QUICKLY AND REALLY NEED TO GET TO KNOW SOMEONE AND REALLY FALL FOR THEM AND CHOOSE A RELATIONHIIP CAREFULLY BEFORE CHOOSING COMMITMENT. Commitment does not look the same for everyone. It is what persons CREATE and curate with honestly. Honesty is the key for me. So I am sussing him out still I guess... LOL AS he is me I guess that is why I went out with him again. I feel like the pulling away is perhaps as he was looking for someone to be REALLY INTO HIM and I was not at that time by his assessment. He made assumptions. HE didn't ever share feelings and have a conversation he just avoided and dumped me and I heard from mutual friend what he said as to why he left the dating relationship something OPPOSITE My Experience. ( the "She wanted to be serious." is the lie he told our mutual friend. Flat out lie which shocked me.) That was interesting and telling-- so I have to be careful to not hurt him if he is just really seeking commitment (but said otherwise? i mean why? Just to sleep with me?) OR IS HE A LIAR AND CHAMELON and truth is he wants to sleep with HER and therefore is telling her what he things SHE WANTS To hear and telling me what he things I WANT TO HEAR> That is my worry with this man... I mean I have to be careful not to hurt him or lead him on AND CAREFUL not to get entangled and emeshed , (That is easy for me actually to not do), and suss out if he is just a playa. (Which OK if HONEST about it... but the saying one thing to me and another to our mutual friend is not adding up to veracity and KNOWING who he is and what he wants ). BuT MORESO I want to date and carefully assess whether he is one who can have a healthy relationship. I mean... not everyone can with each other. WHO EACH ARE and their styes of communication matter So yeah I guess the point being I would still consider him someone POSSIBLE to carve out a decent relationship with. OR would not date him at all. And he did make it clear that it was a date. Which frankly was a very nice date!! Sometimes it might be of course fair criticism... but if he is unaware of the reality of his behavior and says something like he wants to be heard when in reality he talks more than me and I WAS LISTENING even longer ( by far... that is the patter I notice! I listen for a LONG TIME... and he is unaware it seems) WELL I think it will help he AND I in navigating our relationship to point out the reality. This is something I am aware of as when we did date he had a problem of NOT actually listeing to waht I said when we made plans. He did not HEAR the times I gave a clear NO- "NO I can't go out earlier in the day. I have plans" was said- I wanted to DRIVE and meet him somewhere and he resisted... come to think of it that is a control thing... If push back when I want to DRIVE and meet at a destination rather than go to his apt first and leave from there. He likes to do that- have me meet him at his place but then HE IS NOT READY and I am expected to keep him company and that curates of course the opportunity for him to invite a diversion... as in SEX .... if wanted... so in a way if feels manipulative. EVEN if he is respectful of boundaries. I mean why not just meet me AT the restaurant or at the show? VALUE MY TIME TOO. but then again- makes sense for him to drive when he knows where going well and it somewhere in MD or DC I am NOT Familiar with... but still--- there is that question of whether that is self centered and self serving on his part? OR because it is a courodey? I mean he lives in DC so he is not coming to pick me up for sure....although WTH The guy that lives in ARlington DOES and WOULD Come to pick me up... so maybe that was my mistake to begin with. LOL NO... the guy planned dates out MY WAY at first. I think he offered to pick me up and in fact did in the early dating way back when. Hell I have known him for a few years now.... OK just wasting time here rambling over thinking myself at this point. I gotta wrap this up and move on with my day. BUT LAST THING! MY TO DO: YES I GOT IT DONE!! Not quite quote however I DID make the call to the CFO (not the CEO she damn crazy busy and the CFO said he did not get my email and we chatted and I am going to re-send it Mon.) I made the call when driving and the last company I supported MIGHT give me a nice reference - or rather he might for my website. I will be sure the email goes out again... think it did not make it through to his email as appeared as spam. I just called WHILE DRIVING Something I NEVER DO. I don't like distraction when driving. But I was not going to waste the hr ride to meet the other guy for our professional meeting which I set in Arlington once I knew headed to DC anyway. I was irritated I did not make that a ZOOM meeting- so at the very least decided to not waste the drive. I called my friend who became a good friend AFTER WE WORKED together and ran the quote from her for my site- as she told me to just draft something. We tweaked it-but then I sense a discomfort and told her DO NOT SAY yes if NOT CONFORTABLE I did not want her to feel pressured. She acknowledged she is really concerned about impact on HER career. LOL After we together edited and came up with a great and HONEST QUOTE. Honestly is important- so it is not germane to my core work anyway. LOL She spoke of my value in providing data analysis! (True! I DID the analysis very well! It was the SQL pull and managing the technical part I was SLOW AT. She also DID NOT KNOW THAT... as she only saw my deliverable and not how long it took!) She actually is a good reference as I helped her with a few projects here and there. I was the SME when she needed particular data I was responsible for and when she needed help interpreting it. I helped her with some project management as well when she was thrown into managing a project and was not really keen on it. She came to me for help- as I had already managed a few projects successfully which she knew of! So she came to ME for help FIRST ( which is how we became friends afterwards. She did not even KNOW the drama of me suing the company and would not have but for me telling her as she initiated and we both nurtured the friendship AFTER I left ) HECK I did SUE that employer for unlawful firing... yeah.... don't think i wrote of that story here ... it was a legit lawsuit and not to be discussed. The company did have some consequences and accountability as yes it was indeed EEOC reviewed the matter and I got that EEOC Right to Sue letter and proceeded from there... That was a couple employers ago now... But I think my friend must have just realized that because there was a case that the leadership was well aware of it might not be a wise career move for her to give me a recommendation. So her lovely quote is not being used BUT IT FELT GOOD TO WRAP up that conversation. And my old boss said "No considering the circumstances " and my fav quote "Its a NO if you don't ask so yes respect that you asked! " I loved that mentality- as you never know, might get a yes! I might get a yes from the CFO. I at least am happy went down the list and MADE the most important call I was annoyed had not done first. AND I then also had the meeting- so on Friday I discussed the request with THREE FOLKS for a recommendation quote. I care less if I get one than about actually just getting this task done at this point and TRYING MY BEST. I am more interested in setting a goal and getting it done and learning along the way that everything being perfect and getting YES from everyone I encounter! DAMN WHAT TIME IS IT?? Daylight savings...I need to check my phone and see if this computer auto updated or not... Hope not even LATER than I think it is!!!

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