2022-04-03 - 7:57 p.m.

First of all glad connected to my lady friend and we are good...making plans to visit again soon. Likely will walk a local park in my town next time her son has something going on here. I just realized in reading my last entry I was saying I do not understanding frustration turning to anger.

Oh but I do.

I just realized I did feel that.

Yeah...my young lover who is car less and not leveling up to anything other than self serving flirtation

Which I have no time for...fun of that is only if he is ramping up to show up IN PERSON....

Well I did lose patience
Got angry at feeling like he crossed a line to disrespect in his communication
Basically some things are OK when playful but only when in person and the authentic connection is there....

I mean you have to spend actual TIME together and really communicate to have an intimate connection where some things are then enhancing it.

Without real connection your words hold no ability to stir feeling

So his communication has been falling flat.
Feel like "meh"....

Got angry out of frustration and anger at being objectified I suppose as in moment I was not finding any pleasure or fun in the interaction anymore.

I won't unless he actually wanted something real.

I have no patience for wasting my time and energy. Was fun and a gift initially for sure but the excitement is gone since he is not interested in anything more substantial.

I am interested in meeting family needs, my goals and nurturing friendships with my lady friends just now.

Hell if he were to step up to plate and show up my mind might be easily changed...ha ha.. but only because for some reason he is the only man I have met I can see in my world. That is the reality ...

He is the only one I could envision that even as a possibility for some strange reason.

The thing is I met him when not wanting to spend time with anyone other than self. That is the funny thing. It was about a yr ago now that I think of it a day I turned down dinner offer at the winery. My friend there wanted me to come over once he was closed and enjoy his company. I swore off all men and really just wanted to keep writing as was in a good flow that day.

Funny. Back in that exact frame of mind. I just want to make progress on my creative works more than anything so want to minimize distractions.

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