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2022-05-13 - 1:19 p.m.

The question of enabling was raised by my oldest who said they took the book Codependent No More out of the library. They like to randomly open it and read whatever is there the way some play so called Bible Bingo for guidance..

What is Codependency?

Is it really Codependent or is it just love if you have a friend who has not yet called a Dr. To make an appointment about the pain thst may be kidney pain...
Possibly stones
Possibly something else

Cause they thought the VA Dr. Was a narcissistic idiot dismissive and condescending and humiliated when last saw the Dr.

And you are bossy and say
Call to make a Dr. Appt and say
Drink cranberry juice

And friend says. " great to tell doneone what to do. But that is not the she as offering a solution. Are you going to bring me cranberry juice?"

To which my initial response was. " You can go to the store"

But then I said....
And in part as I know stibborn men who have DIED
Of stubbornness

Of not going yo the Dr. In time

Of ignoring they need help

Of refusing to help themselves

Of not even accepting advice or help of others.

So then I Said " Actually 100% cranberry is best and sometimes hard to find. I know the health food store has it. I can pick dome up and bring it over"



BUT fuck...
I call it love when someone's language of love is they really want to be cared for when they are not feeling well and someone chooses to care for them in that moment.

If being manipulative well then sure it is Codependency.

Sure if they are really capable of caring for self Bd playing the victim and its a pattern of you going a rescuer.

But at the sane time in the end my friend also is an 🎨 and a damn good one at that. It did not occur to me until yesterday that the arts org has a fundraising auction and I could ask him to donate a painting.

He was saying he had so much stuff to go through just weeks ago.

Yesterday I thought to ask AFTER I invited him to be my date gor the event. I bought two tix to bring him with me.

He said he has a painting but trouble us not framed. He was not going to donate unless tge frame is decent as well.

I know he bought dome fruit trees and Wed was busy planting them.

In any case I happen to have not one but two frames the size of his painting that I bought and never used.

So I will bring cranberry juice and a frame and he may have a piece to donate. I think it will be fun if he does.

So like most relationships there is the give and take of helping and supporting each other.

That is certainly not enabling.

I dud read part of the book and it really just did not resonate with me at all.

I don't ever feel this great need to save or control others.
Help them? Sure sometimes. If asked.

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