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2022-06-02 - 9:08 a.m.

I have to kick up my business development.
Interestingly I wrote a long morning page but used this forum so deleted it yesterday as I do want to respect other people in my life!
So it was a vent and parsing out my fears of those without a good sense of boundaries and who tend to get emeshed and not maintain healthy relationships.
I see the behaviors that can lead to toxic OR stifling reltationships.

I also am aware of my fears...

so address them.
But it is interesting listening to friends who rationalize their narcissistic outlook and who are NOT aware of their lack of boundaries. Oversharing is one of the things I see some do... manipulatively in some instances....

Its more obvious in some instances when folks have boundary issues.
So the recap today is just resources of things I have been reading!

First concern : To not have an unhealthy relationship with either kids or romantic partner- AVOID codependency or enmeshment

Next concern
Try to do my part to not exhibit narcissist traits myself AND To do what I can to avoid raising narcissitic kids ( late in the game thought it is).

Knowing that some of my kids have had their Dad show that behaviour of putting down others all the time-
the teachers... always critical
restaraunts were not good enough
workmen that came to the house to do anything were always wanting and criticizied. He refused to fully pay a bill and would fight over the quality of the work

(OK sometimes that is warranted... but sometimes..... Sure there was slope issue and that was a good call to make that re-done
I mean the guy who is ALWAYS Arguing with everyone....

eventually you realize it is the problem of the guy....
not every neighbor that has been banished from interaction with a no tresspassing order, and sometimes it is so obvious as it was just a few flowers along a fence line...

I mean the old neighbor was just creating BEAUTY in the world NOT out to claim adverse possession of the 6 inches where the marigolds were planted.
SURE it was weird...
but WTF Did the 6 inches that were along a driveway at edge of your 33 acres really the fuck matter to your wealth??
I just did not get it AT ALL....

Dr. Romani is such a great resource to understand about narcissism.

I mean narcissim is an overused word yet there are many REAL diagnosable narcissists out there to be avoided!

OK- so enough of that.

I really should have a life where those concerns are behind me and I don't have distractions or lack of respect or anyone pushing my boudaries or tying to make me responsible for their emotional wellness in my life.

Pleain and simple.

If one avoids the narcissist or the person without boundaries *( due to whatever their issues are) life is DRAMA free and MUCH happier and peaceful.

IF those folks are in your FAMILY or your social world already and you want to keep them there- and can't just separate from them

first ask
Am I codependent?

OR is it a reasonable act of love to keep this person in my life?


Why is it reasonable and worth it?

Maybe it is actually not.

I do think therapy is an awesome tool and think it would be great to invest in myself for that as honestly I HAVE NOT DONE SO.
I was caring for others.

YES That is the take away for me.
From my writing today.

I not only need to continue on my carving out of personal space to heal- via The Artist's Way journey I am on which is so fabulous.

I also need to enter therapy.

That can only help.

I am not going to take on other's emotional well being. That is their journey and those without boundaries don't get that AT ALL sometimes.

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