2022-06-03 - 2:08 p.m.
I just did the dumbest thing. I had my kid go to the bank to finally deposit checks she was given at Christmas forgetting one was written by me from an account I had no wiggle room at all in just now. Zero buffer
I just overdrew on her $100 Christmas gift from my Dad.
My Dad sent me one check for all the kids. I deposited it and wrote each of them a check.
Funny thing is I was encouraging the kid to call her other grandparent ( from Dad's side) who ALSO sent her a Christmas gift of a check. She is reluctant to call them and frankly I think setting her own boundary after some crazy communication addressing her that was not even about her. It was disconcerting and really manipulative full of gaslighting trying to induce guilt as well as condemnation of something a sibling did or did not do.... The thing is the grandparent had the wrong grandkid! That did not make the sting any less but impressed upon how her grandparentdoes not really know her at all. It revealed some of the abusive communication technoques passed down for at least two generations! I an sure her attacks sounded like those her alcoholic father used to soew way back when. How is it some forget what it feels like to be on the receiving end of abusive verbal barbs?
Gaslighting is gaslighting and yes toxic abusers, even family, are best kept out of one's life. So it's her choice as well as all her siblings to decide who they want relationships with. They can cut out whomever they need to
It was not easy being raised by a hot headed abusive heavy handed violent in words and by hand Dad AND
In any case, This youngest of mine had deep fear of abandonment and separation anxiety beyond preK and kindergarten into first grade. Having to go back and fourth , leaving me and being with Dad who was the screamer definately impacted this kid with lots of anger.
And I get it.
My kids are different I know... more trauma and more discomfort than most at engaging with the world. FUNNY I started writing about how we are a bit different due to ADHD and was thinking and writing about how that just makes life harder! so everything after this sentence was written on that train of thought but I went back to edit and kept fleshing out the whole prior musings on parenting! Back to the originial intent - musings on ADHD challenges and the ADHD * Can't believe I just did that!! moment of the week:
So my kids are among the few who hold checks for a long time cause it seems hard to them to manage the process of getting to the bank with all the information and identity verification required to deposit the checks.
This is life with ADHD .
Glad the checks are cashed for my kid!
I will likely drive to a bank that I used for the security deposit back when I had tenants. It has a small emergency fund there I can pull to balance my account!
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