2022-06-08 - 10:39 p.m.

Just had a great conversation with my guy friend in Buffalo who is so amazingly respectful.

He basically said to give him the clear paramaters of what is OK as far as his communication-
open invitation to talk to him whenever
and let him know when my relationship is at the point where he should plain and simple not call me at all anymore.
He does not want to be disruptive and wants to be respectful.

He asked me what my fears are

and when my answer said

" He is a passionate Italian man; Hot headed Italian is my fear"

He said "That BS/ don't put that wall up unless you see the same behaviors
Then if you do address them
if this guy respects you
listens to you
and you feel heard and loved
move forward

But I am going to take offense to that

Have you ever seen ME fly off the handle?"

"NO"

"Do you feel if we had issues I was respectful?"

"yes"

Don't assume cause he is Italian THAT Is a red flag!

Look at traits-

If you see the same traits then address them. I don't care what nationality anyone is- those traits that are REAL red flags of abuse can present ..."

As far as the worry if it is normal for Art to want to spend so much time with me; my friend said...

"Is is that this person is so in love?

or is it the kind of person is the kind who clings and you can 't peel off- eveyone has different needs for being together." and he laughed... as yes there are some who are just clingy...."

I know that this guy really values his alone time. Yet when he was in love ( with his last girlfriend who he dated for about 5 yrs) he said they spent almost every waking moment together at first. He said he spent about 50% of EVERy day with her and it was great for the first few years. It made me feel much better talking to him as he validated that desire to be together ALL THE TIME DOES happen to some who are not insecure, not controlling, not wanting to be enmeshed in their lover, or co-dependent but is pretty normal for some WHEN IN LOVE.
* WHEW
I guess I needed to hear that from someone else.

( Although I think the Buffalo guy has had some moments where he showed control issues too.... HA HA... but small moments.... and he pointed out further that the real concern is if your partner is willing to LISTEN and work though those moments...)

My guy friend in Buffalo is happy for me!
I was talking about the things I love about Art. How we create beautifully together. just inspiring each other-
whether it is Art painting me ( as he did years ago)
or use noodling around and creating songs and poetry ( which we did years ago)
or me picking up his guitar and then practicing and singing every song know for far longer than I sit and play guitar when I am alone. (It was so much fun!) OR
like just this weekend when he picked up the BANJO I for some reaon was compelled to buy at a music store some years ago but never played...
and we both figured out its tuning and then played around with it and had a blast.

It's a pretty nice instrument!

My friend said he sees how it is in my blood, in my DNA to want to be creative

He commented that I don't have to have that shared with a partner but can see how if I am in love with someone that sharing that creativity will just seal the deal for me.

YUP He nailed it.

He further commented "I feel that you know your paramaters whether it is what you deserve - whether in work, or in a relationship.

You shut this guy down before
if it works now
fine

I have picked up that about you, especially about you,
You are not going to put up with anyone not treating you well.

It was a VERY Affirming phone call and so wonderful to connect with my friend.

He further said. " I was looking forward to us getting together again; and I have told you I love you, but we always were straight and upfront that in different cities we could not have a serious relationship, and had no obligation to discuss our dating or other relationships but if either of us me someone... and got to that point... well...
know it might come a day we never spend time...So although I always would look forward to spending time together it was always with full knowledge that if you met someone I might never get the opportunity to spend time with you again."

He basically was so matter of fact and supportive.

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