2022-06-13 - 9:09 p.m.
Money comes when really needed. I truly believe that. So today I logged into my Pay Pal to find money there I had to actively click a button with the command to move it to my bank account.
This weekend I submitted receipts to my church for reimbursables.
Tomorrow I will do that for my work cell phone.
It all adds up.
The credit union I belong to has offered a car buying service which rocks that I was well aware of. They just ventured into brokering INSURANCE.
Switching one's insurer if you have had a policy for any length of time almost ALWAYS saves some money.
I wrote a whole entry and then deleted it this morning as it was ANXIETY writing to vent and feel better.
Issue stressing me was resolved and basically it was simply that I was triggered by something in my relationship
What was so shocking to me is how triggered I was. That I had a reaction to a moment so strongly.
It was really a small thing that seemed like a big red flag to me....
He said something about staying with his daughter one night. I asked "When?"
and the thing is he was really referring to a different night ( he is out of town) he is visiting family and friends. We texted Sat night; and turns out he stayed with his daughter Fri night.
WHICH honestly made me know IMMEDIATELY that I had been triggered.
I mean it was more fear of being lied to than any other feeling. Fear of him not being trustworthy after I have chosen to trust- full blown anxiety panic feeling.
I am not used to that.
I cognitively KNEW it was my reaction that was the real issue in this case.
HA HA but heck one can see why in that case.
Damn I am not used to being emotionally vulnerable and CARING about a man. Seriously this is new to me.
I am a bit uncomfortable actually BEING EMOTIONAL.
Its a funny thing...
Art is good for me. I know that. He opens up that part of me THAT FEELS.
It was so interesting to me how he got emotional on the phone at being so moved by time he spent with his grandson,and his daughter. It made him so happy he sounded like he was moved to tears in telling the story of how they were so wonderful to take time out of their weekend to go with him at his request to the grave of his grandfather and great grandfather.
Art just always is real.
YET he takes pride when he is in the role of provider to care for others. So he will work and earn money to fulfill that role he feels is his.
But if he is not in that role then he pursues his art.
He said today he was thinking perhaps he should hire me to get something done.
My initial reaction was:
I honestly thought he meant as a model.
SURE I would sit for him and be happy to be paid to do so- cause honestly that takes ALOT of time to create a work. Depending on what it is-
but my time IS valuable and I have worked in that capacity for years.
But then I realized as he continued to talk that he was referring to getting his resume out there!
He want help navigateing a job hunt in another field altogether so he can make some money leveraging his navy and work experience and his engineering tech and facilities and handyman type of eclectic work.
He has worked as:
a installer of stained glass windows in churches and commercial buildings
maintenance staff on a college campus for a number of years
Maintenance/Facilities director at a church
A picture framer at a Art Store Frame shop
Carpenter for constuction companies
So he wants to get his resume out there as he is having such a hard time getting motivated productively.
Its a real thing.
Its like there is this mental block of overthinking
BUT if you have a friend there can suddenly feel like the task is manageable and then focus and do it.
I have seen this in me and in almost every one of my friends! I said we should just pull out laptops and hang together as I get my work done and he gets his shit done some mornings. I don't need him to hire me to help him.
Its funny thought how I thought he meant to produce Art.
I feel like he is so talented he really SHOULD be just creating his work and have confidence he can find an agent and actually sell enough to live on.
I mean he really is that good. This is not exaggeration...
Its like he doesn't show his work often as he is picky as to WHERE he shows it.
Reminds me of my oldest kid frankly- the one who has been only published in really reputable journals who gets it that your valution is set based on where you are present and seen.
I do think Art would benefit in connecting with the artists I worked for who sell their work for thousands of dollars.
I mean he is a marvelous scultper too. He works with wood making carvings, but aslo clay.
He can work with marble but doesn't have the tools to make large statues.
Yet I worked with one artist who does that work.
I think connecting them would be good.
Just edited here as fleshed out that thought further- as when last wrote I just wrote of what he ASKED me to help him with, not what I EXPECTED the ask to be and what I think might be the best help I could offer. So this was a big aside in the middle of that conversation! Back to where left off when LAST wrote:
I said he wouldn't have to pay me; just get disciplined.
HE actually said he knows he needs more discipline.
He did fine in the Navy- although it was HARD for him. He recalls some sharp guy who was finding it easy did not pass the final tests and was astounded that he did. The guy was so angry and felt he was more worthy-
Tired now and going to bed soon. I just scheduled the remainder of allergy appointments for the youngest who is going twice a week to get allergy shots.
Alot to do today... kinda want to go hit zumba too. Not likely as already late and baking priority ( Maybe hit the last half of it if bake quickly?) - 2022-06-18
brunch and nap instead of the late lunch and afternoon rest. Will see how this works for me today...a change of routine. - 2022-06-17
OH when it rains I swear my neighborhood smells like CAT PISS So weird No CLEAN after rain smell - 2022-06-17
Sat night I might be able to leave my cacoon. Honestly, I want to hunker down at home! - 2022-06-16
last time I set up electronic auto pay it was LATE by days (set up via mortgage company- slow transaction); this time is was EARLY Messed my accounting up! - 2022-06-15